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HUMOUR COLUMN: The Hypocrisy Of Nigerians

The picture below went viral today, at least on my side of the Nigerian social media. Wait, how is this viral thing measured sef? Who does the measuring? Is it when everybody has seen it, because I am sure not everybody has a smartphone. Or is it when a certain percentage has seen it? Who sets the percentage?

Anyway, this picture went ‘viral’.

Look closely at it.image2


Are you sure?

Okay, first of all, I have seen most of the retweets and calls for help, and I am still shocked that no one has mentioned her ‘dada’-like hair. I am shocked because I know Nigerians well. By, now someone will have said: “Look at hair sef, like ashewo, how will she get a job?”

No, don’t look surprised, it is a very, very Nigerian reaction, and I am still waiting. Someone somewhere, most likely on Nairaland, will say that or at least something worse. This is because Nigerians are the most hypocritical people on earth. Someone once said in Nigeria: a grown man can whip out his instrument in the full glare of the public and start urinating, but a kiss between lovers can lead to a lynching. And it is true.

Another thing I can tell about the picture is that she wore a skirt on purpose.  If she had won a trouser, the same thing I mentioned above would have happened. This Nigeria, where a young struggling woman will be told by a school that they only allow skirts among female teachers, but the madam will wear trousers. I swear the present continuous tense for hypocrisy is Nigeria.

So I am sure this lady thought about, well and hard, and decided that a skirt would be the best thing to wear, to avoid people saying things like: “Hmm, see her wearing trousers, this one will take my husband if I employ her.”

As if your husband is a spoon of rice. Or a nylon of vegetables, who has no brain, and can be taken by any woman wearing trousers. This begs the question: Who thought up the title: ‘Husband Snatcher’?

Why do we have no ‘Wife Snatchers’?

Who taught you that men have no sense? Are you stupid? Sorry, I got a bit carried away there.

Also I would like you to take a good look at this picture instead. Look at it well.image

Done? Can you spot the differences? I am sure you can. If you can’t, you can stop reading here and go search for fuel and tomatoes.

One difference I would like to point out is her smile. Nigerians will see you smiling and believe you are in money. If the Nigerian lady above had been smiling, they would have said she is not suffering enough, that she is not yet serious about the job. We love to see our fellow Nigerians frowning, so we can feel better about ourselves. But, the young lady in the picture above is smiling for she has faith in her fellow humans.

Nigerians, we need to change. Real change o. Not this crap that has made me become an expert in tomatoless stews.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. True words!!!!

  2. I’ve not seen that picture before now, it never went viral. If I’ve seen it then it’s gone viral, that’s how we measure.

  3. Unfortunately, I couldn’t view the pictures but I think I know the picture you ate talking about.
    Above all, I’d love to know I she finally got a job offer.

  4. Tomatoless stews…..
    You really hit the nail at the right spot, I will be shocked if the issues raised, does not escalate soon enough. I hope she gets a job soon and not just any job, one that she can fully explore her expertise as i respect her qualifications for a 26year old. This one is even by the way. The situation in recent times has been moving with the speed of light to *I don’t even know the words to use anymore*

  5. This tachnique worked for one black guy in the West, I think. Broadcasted his need for a job, picture went viral, and he landed employment sharp sharp. I hope it works for this woman. Desperate times now call for desperate potentially-viral measures.

  6. Nigerians & hypocrisy, na we know ourselves & na we dey do ourselves

  7. I can’t view the pictures either.

  8. Nigeria,a country where hypocrisy is a citizen

  9. Wish I had her guts

  10. Nigerians is just the synonym of hypocrisy

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