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HUMOUR COLUMN: Creative Ways To Survive A Long Flight

When you embark on a journey on an airplane – especially those really long 13-or-so-hour flights – you get bored immediately the plane leaves the ground. Actually, that’s not true, your heart is in your mouth, and you are praying harder than you’ve ever prayed in your life.

You only start to get bored after about three hours into the flight, when you have exhausted all prayer points, and you are sure you will not die, at least not by crashing in Nigeria.

Now, what are some ways you can keep from getting bored?

The first and most obvious is to sleep – unless of course you snore loudly, in which case it would be a bad decision to start sleeping.

So you could finally finish that novel you have been wanting to. While reading however, avoid certain words and phrases like ‘closed eyes’, ‘drowsy’, ‘dozed’, or the worst, ‘slept’. Just skip them and keep reading.

If the novel has too much of those words, I would advise you close the book and play a game. Candy Crush would be great, but you have to make sure your phone is on airplane mode. You don’t want headlines to read: PLANE CRASHES INTO SEA BECAUSE NIGERIAN CHOSE TO PLAY CANDY CRUSH…INSTEAD OF SNORING!

So please ensure your phone is on airplane mode. There is however a problem; you could get to Level 78 in Candy Crush and the frustration will start. After you have failed it several times, it will tell you to wait for 18 hours.

This is then your cue to watch your favorite series. Please use your headphones, there are children on board the airplane, and we all know what most scenes in your favorite series contain.

You could try talking to your neighbor too. I wouldn’t do this myself, but since I am giving you a word of advice, you could try it. So you turn and you see this neighbour’s eyes are shut. Don’t worry, he isn’t really sleeping. His eyes are just closed. He can’t sleep, he snores too.

If all else fails, you can get up and walk around. If you are brave, you could act like you are armed and tell random people to stand up, that you need to search them.

And now, this is your captain speaking. Have a safe flight, and please join in the clapping of hands when the plane lands.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. That clapping at the end of a flight though. . ? ? ? ?

  2. Innocent Chizaram Ilo

    Humor column is back and we ha ready for hit *Giggles in Yoruba*

  3. Thought the clapping after landing was limited only to domestic flights.

  4. Wow!!! *clapping* 😀

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