Home / Finding Hubby / Finding Hubby (Episode 19)

Finding Hubby (Episode 19)

So I know you are dying to know what we did to Ossy. First, Glo was to go back home as if she had accepted her fate and act the part of the submissive wife who was afraid of leaving or offending him, and do all she could to avoid provoking a beating. I was tempted to give Gloria the gist of Ossy stalking me and all the Mr. Poet Ossy series, but Toke and I agreed not to. She was hurt enough as it was and it would just rub the hurt in some more. Monday morning, bright and early at my desk, just as Gloria was supposed to be returning to the house (which she confirmed she did without any event), Ossy sends me an sms.

“Take a risk with me.”

The bile in my throat rose. But we had a plan and I had to act my part. I wished with all my heart I could ignore it, but I responded. “I’m in a meeting, oga. Stop disturbing me and making my phone beep.”

He responded instantly (which part of making my phone beep did he not get, oniranu oshi): “So sorry.”

“Stop beeping me! I will call you later,” I responded.

I nearly slammed my phone on the floor when another text came in from him. “Really? You will call?”

I ignored him.

Later in the day, I brought myself into the right frame of mind and called Ossy up.

Me:        Hey Ossy

Ossy:     Oyinnnnnnn. I’m so glad you called. You can’t begin to imagine how glad I am. How have you been? All I’ve done is yearn for you.”

I was so incensed that this guy who was pounding my friend black and blue could sound so excited talking to me. These animals are the ones that look nicest and most normal outside. I remembered the plan and swallowed the bile that was rising in my throat.

Me:        You know you hit me real hard, but in my heart I know you meant right. And I’ve missed you ni jare. You know good friends are very hard to come by.

Ossy:     I’m blushing here o. Me, good friend. Okay. We should hook up and catch up on many things now.

Notice he doesn’t bring up my friend who happens to be his wife. The cow is already falling for the bait.

Me:        Yeah, that would be cool. How about Angels in Phase 1? You know the place abi? And you won’t need Chris to hook that up.

Ossy:     Of course. Wasn’t it me that showed you the place before? Would have tried there for our last date, but didn’t want you to suspect it was me at all at that time. I showed you this town now.

Me:        True talk. I had forgotten. Let’s do Friday evening, so we wouldn’t be in a hurry as we catch up.

Ossy:     Alright dear. Would definitely make that a date.

Me:        Aite dear (ewww). Talk to you later.

I hung up. I called Toke and reported the conversation immediately.

“Can you imagine that bastard?” Toke fumed. “He didn’t even mention Glo once, all he was thinking was how he would get lucky on Friday. Kai, I so cannot wait to deal with him!”

“Well,” I responded, “his oju kokoro (lustful eyes) has made him fall easily for our plans. It’s over to you now.”

“Okay, let me go and get dressed and hit the road,” Toke said as she rounded our call off.

Ossy would not know what hit him. I extracted the pictures of Gloria’s battered face plus the screen munched image and got to work.

The days flew by and I kept a string of calls going on with Ossy to keep him encouraged about our rendezvous. I skillfully dropped subtle comments here and there to drive the thought into his head that I wanted to commence a secret affair with him. He swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Shebi it is what was already in his mind to do. All that was required was a little encouragement and he was game.

Friday came quickly (since we were so looking forward to it) and Toke left the base (that’s what we called my house for this operation, military feeling sturvz) to begin her arm of the operations. I had the whole beauty treatment I did on the week before courtesy Ossy to thank for the outstanding glow of my skin. And then I wore this gown! The neckline was plunging, revealing a good portion of my 36D in glorious Technicolor. The thing hugged my figure, and thanks to my flat tummy, the valley it created accentuated the mountain on my chest. Don’t let me describe what my hips down looked like, before some of our male friends… *cough cough*

I set out and sure enough, tall, dark and handsome Ossy was waiting for me in all his lasciviousness. You know when some men look at you and you can see that they have undressed you totally in their heads.

Angels is one of those exclusive places inside Phase 1 where there was a drinks bar in front of the building, and large chalets further into the compound. These chalets were small bungalows that had all the trappings of a house and all the Island big boys and girls came to do all the things they wanted to keep secret. Ossy sure thought he had me.

The conversation was annoying but I smiled sweetly and laughed at all the jokes. He successfully twisted and tilted everything we said towards sex. I had never seen this part of Ossy before and couldn’t imagine what Gloria had been put through. Eventually, after I got a message from Toke, I sent him a BBM right there and then. It read: “Ask for Chalet 5. I’ll be waiting there. Make sure you’re naked before you come in. I’ll be waiting exactly same. You have exactly ten minutes to get to me after I leave otherwise deal is off.”

I waited for the BBM to be delivered and saw the red light indicator on his BB blinking and then leaned over to him seductively and whispered, “I’ll be waiting. Read your BBM when I’m gone.”

Then I stood up and strutted my stuff before his lust-filled eyes and went to the chalet.

Then I sent a BBM to Toke: “It’s all set.”

Ossy was not quiet as he approached the chalet at all. I had left the door opened and a note on the door (lessons from my stalker, Ossy himself) instructing him to undress as soon as he entered the door. There was a small hallway between the door and the parlor in the chalet where he could do that, and all the lights in the hallway were off and the door leading into the parlor was shut. As I heard him come in, I pinged him: “I’m waiting… #bbkisssmiley#.” Thankfully, the network behaved and the message was delivered instantly and he read it. I heard him hustle out of his clothes and then bumble towards the door.

As soon as Ossy opened the door, Toke turned on the lights in the parlor and all the people in the parlor shouted “Surprise!!!”

Ossy stood stark naked, in front of the small crowd in the parlor, and instinctively, he tried to retreat back into the hallway. But one of my friends from The Marquee stood behind him to block his exit. A hush ran over the people in the parlor on the sight of the naked Ossy. Toke and Gloria had gone to great lengths to gather all of his friends, his bosses and colleagues at work, his main customers, his friends from my company, his family, her family, everyone that mattered in Ossy’s life basically. The ruse had been that she was organizing a surprise party for her husband to celebrate his recent promotion at the bank. They had all come to celebrate with Ossy who was a clear star in the eyes of all of them. Now, to have him walk in naked sent hushed murmurs and disbelieving exclamations throughout the gathering.

Gloria wasted no time. She quickly projected the images of her looking radiant and beautiful side by side with the images we had taken in apartment of her right after battery. The images was like this:

Fine Gloria + Ossy = Beaten Up Gloria

“This is what this fine career gentle-pig does to his wife at home. Some of you might not believe, hence I will give you a live flesh and blood result of his work.”

Thanks to her skin, the marks of beatings on her face became clear the moment she removed her scarf and glasses. The crowd let out a shocked ‘Ooooh’. Ossy stood there, looking ashamed, unable to take his eyes away from the ground, his only exit from the room blocked by a no-nonsense bouncer.

Next, Gloria beamed screen-grabbed images of BB conversations where Ossy had threatened her with violence if she ever left him onto the screen. The last screengrab she displayed was one in which she was talking about the baby they had lost to his last beating and his callous responses to her. “My husband killed our baby, and feels not the slightest remorse for it. The words are not manufactured. He is on the BBM of everyone in this room and I’m sure you all recognize the contact name and display picture.” She produced papers already prepared by Toke. “These are our divorce papers. I have taken the liberty to sign it. And don’t be afraid, I don’t need anything from you so I’m not asking for any of your things. All I need is your signature, before these witnesses, before you leave here now. And know that if even one single hair on my head or any of my friends is hurt, everyone here will point their fingers at you, so you better pray that we’ll be okay.”

With that, Toke took the papers to Ossy, and gave him a pen to sign. He hesitated briefly and the bouncer behind him touched him on the shoulder to remind him that he wasn’t going anywhere until he signed. Trust Naija people, the guests just kept watching the film unfolding before them ni o, no intervention, nothing. Ossy signed and Toke inspected all the places he was supposed to sign against the signature on the wedding documents that Gloria had provided. The signatures were genuine. She nodded to Gloria and then the bouncer allowed Ossy out of the door.

I then smiled sweetly and thanked all those who had come and told them there were refreshments if they still required any. All done, we, the three Lagos musketeer babes stepped out into the waiting car and drove to mine to celebrate.


We learnt later that Ossy left the country without trace, not leaving his destination with even his family. We hoped never to see wife-battering face again.

As we sipped on the Martini I had specially ordered to celebrate, Toke’s phone rang. I forgot to mention, but I have noticed that she’s been receiving calls from some guy recently. But I’m getting worried, because she would normally have told me about this new guy. But for some reason, she was being secretive. She would try to be alone to receive his calls, and she had turned off chat history. We had just rescued Gloria from one bad man. I wasn’t about to allow Toke walk down the same path. I allowed her go and receive her call away from us as she had now made a habit.

It was Gloria that voiced my thoughts. “Why is Toke going to the room to talk? There’s no music playing and we are not outdoors. That’s very un-Toke-like.”

“I agree,” I said. “She’s been acting funny like this for a while. And while we are at making sure about things…”

Toke entered while I was mid-sentence and our eyes met. She sensed what was about to happen and tried to start a new conversation to deflect talk from it. We were not having any of that.

“Toke,” I began, “whose calls have you been taking secretly?”

“Secretly ke? I haven’t been taking any calls secretly now. Abi which one is secretly again?”

“So why did you have to leave this quiet area to go take the call in the room?”

She didn’t answer and Gloria chipped in, “We cannot have you doing any shady things. Babe, you’re 35 and if a relationship is right, you shouldn’t be hiding it from us. You’re making us feel there’s something wrong with whoever you’ve been receiving calls from. And we want to hear it today, right now.”

With her attention on Gloria, I snatched her phone from her and checked her last received call. “Who is Lumi, babes?”

“Olumide,” she reluctantly responded.

I raised my eyebrow and Gloria went to sit on the arm of her chair. “Well, we are listening.”

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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Writer’s Note: The following narration is a work of fiction inspired by true life events. ...


  1. *doing the victory dance*
    oº°˚! Revenge is as delicious as ofe ora and utara ji…. With a jar of palmwine!!!

  2. Such a brilliant revenge plan! Ossy got what he deserved!

  3. It actually seems lyk an extra frozen icecream in winter…D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ fucked dat dude up real tym. Choi! *olumide!?’ Hmmm, ​​​​​​kα̲̅γ̲ kwa

  4. Hahaha! Hubby things jor

  5. Yayyyyyyyyyy!!! For d musketeers! I must confess, dy are a bunch of evil geniuses.
    Abeg, let d saga continue! Thumbs up, Walter

  6. Mehn…. These girls woh… Nice…. I love this:evil

  7. Weldone gals! U did wel! No wife beater in dis kingdom. Lol!

  8. We’ll be back with more…Kudos to ma Gals; they listen good to instructions.

    Execution successful…

    Olumide, behave or be beheaded.

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