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YES, BRAVE WOMEN CHOOSE PROSTITUTION, BUT…

So I had just come in from a 10 mile run (yes I am fit like that, any questions?) and was trying to catch up on my social media reading before heading out for work, when I happened upon the current update on MyMindSnaps for the day, the one titled IN HER OPINION: Brave Women Choose Prostitution, penned by Ms. Eketi Ette. To be honest, I haven’t been very regular on MMS; each day in my life is an exercise in chaos, in which I have to find time to exercise, eat (gbo gbo foodie here), go to work, catch up with friends, and play dad to my two-year-old German shepherd. That means that most of the time, I am late to the party and I have to catch up days or sometimes weeks later.

The title of that article intrigued me and I clicked to read it. You see, prostitution is something that has fascinated me for a few years and something that I have had loads of questions about. It is also something I have done quite a lot of reading up on, and I have had the privilege of speaking to a few women who identify as prostitutes openly, and their experiences have changed my mind-set on prostitution. I remember once I was at a pub with my friends in Ikeja, drinking beers and arguing about politics, when police vans started pulling up and policemen tumbled out and began forcing the prostitutes who worked that area into the van. One of my friends said that it served the women right and that prostitutes were a social menace. I clapped back at him instantly. Prostitution serves an important purpose in our society and if the government (which had made the trade illegal anyway) wanted to get rid of prostitutes from our streets, they should begin by arresting the men who patronize them. I am sure some of you remember your high school economics; to get rid of supply, take away the demand and watch supply vanish. So I told my friend that the government should arrest the men who pull over to pick up these women and watch how fast the women would disappear from the streets.

But I digress.

So back to Ms. Eketi’s article, which to be honest, I found quite condescending and downright patronizing. In my opinion, she did exactly what she was writing in condemnation of. She judged the women who are prostitutes. When I first started reading her article, I was excited. I was thinking to myself that Nigerians are finally realizing that prostitutes have a role to play in every society and we should respect their desire to sell sex. Allow me to digress a little again: I recently listened to a podcast by Ozoz Sokoh who to me is one of the greatest chefs the world has ever produced (yes, argue that in your toilet). At some point, the interviewer asked Ms. Sokoh that being a chef on the side and spending all that time in the kitchen, was she not pandering to the stereotype that African woman belong in the kitchen. Ozoz laughed and said that to her, the main message that feminism tries to preach is that everybody – not just women – should be allowed to do exactly what they want to do (I am paraphrasing now), and that nobody should appropriate unto themselves the power to decide for others what to do with their lives.

So I was reading Eketi’s article and nodding in appreciation of her logic, until I got to where she clarified what prostitution meant to her. She said:

“I am not referring to runs girls who do it out of greed and solely for money…”

And that is where she started judging without realizing it. That was the point she lost me. Her whole article was hinged on the fact that because some of these women go into it prostitution out of hardship, we might as well cut them some slack, a veiled hint that prostitution is not a good thing. And while cutting these ones some slack, we can go ahead to slam and shame those ones who go into it out of sheer greed. This to me reeks of double standards, and these double standards were honestly created by her.

We fail to acknowledge that there are women who go into prostitution simply because they want to, simply because they feel it is something they would enjoy doing. Not every woman goes into selling sex because she is from an impoverished background or because life dealt her a lot of bad cards. There are women who go into this trade because they want to, because they enjoy it, and because they feel this is the best choice for them at the time. And not one of us has the right to tell that them their choice is not valid. I remember arguing about this with my friend who was shaming prostitutes and I asked him the difference between a prostitute and an athlete; after all, both of them sell their bodies for money. I will tell you that essentially, there is no difference. Women like Serena Williams spend weeks training to sharpen their skills, and play these games with their bodies and strength (hello here), and some of them even sustain injuries at the end. Please tell me how that is different from prostitution, except that in your head somewhere, you have balanced on a moral high ground and you believe that sex is something for a woman to be ashamed of and something that in some way debases her. I could write a thesis on this point but let me move on.

As I read on, determined to let that bit of condescension slide, I happened upon another line Eketi delivered with chilling accuracy:

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying prostitution is necessarily a good thing…”

That was the point she balanced herself on that moral high ground that Nigerians are famous for mounting. Prostitution is not a good thing? Oh really? Who made it so? You? Who made the rules and made you – anyone – judge and jury to decide for others what is right or wrong? My intention is not to be rude to Ms. Eketi, but I would like her to see the huge irony in the piece that she penned, one that ended up being a contradiction of herself. Morality is very relative and nobody gets to be a moral compass for the other person. Most people who oppose prostitution will tell me that “our culture” is against it, or that “our holy books” are against it. And each of these arguments makes me laugh a throaty laugh. Culture, you say? The same culture that permits you to offer your wife to your guest for the night? Or the culture that allows you to inherit your brother’s wife when he dies? Please let’s not reach here. As for religion? That one is another LONG matter, and time and space will not permit me to delve into that here today.

So what is my point really? It’s simple. We must respect the rights of women to sell sex if they want to. Not all prostitutes are “pushed” into it by circumstances. Some of these women simply chose that path, and we must respect individual choices, no matter how dissenting they are to us. This is the same narrative I see when LGBT rights are mentioned, and just yesterday somebody asked me if we should also respect the rights of rapists and murderers, since it is their decision to rape and kill. I laughed and told him that any choice which somebody makes that doesn’t have any externalities is none of your business, and you should butt out of it. Consequent upon this, if two (consenting) adults of same gender decide to have sex, it is not your business. And if an adult woman out of her own volition decides to sell sex, we should respect that because prostitution doesn’t have to be caused. Sometimes it just is.

My friend, the one who I discussed this issue with, asked me a question: “Will you let your daughter be a prostitute?” I took a long sip of my coffee before responding that if I’ve learned anything from my parents’ parenting experience, it would be that your children will always do whatever it is they want to do, and that there is very little you can do about it. So if my daughter decides that prostitution is the path she wants to toe in life, I will get out of the way and let her do her thing.

Written by Franklyne Ikediasor

Franklyne Ikediasor is a brand executive by day and a writer by night. He thinks coffee makes every book interesting and he enjoys running, cycling and getting together with friends to share bouts of wine-fulled laughter. He tweets @FabulousGuy_


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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77 comments

  1. Thanks for the piece. Would have been the best if we were not living in a biased socio-cultural environment.

  2. It’s ironic. All the aphorisms tout and preach for people to live their lives true to themselves, but then society interrupts to say: Just as long as you’re living your true self within the bounds of the standards we have set.
    Lol.

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      Its really funny to be honest. The sad part is that there is no universality in value systems, so it begs the question; upon what are these standards premised?

  3. You are quite the evolved human being, Franklyne Ikediasor.

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Do you say that like it’s a good thing or bad? 🙂

      • I dunno. I’m at once hopeful and frightful. Hopeful for a people that will get to this point where prejudices are set aside for a more understanding society. and frightful at what such wide tolerance will unleash. The road to hell, they say, is paved with good intentions after all.

        • Franklyne Ikediasor

          It’s simple; as long as the choices of people do not have externalities, its not your business.

          The argument of limits has been used to wreck a lot of havoc on humanity. Who sets these boundaries? As complex and diverse as human behavior is, do we get to set rules for other people? When their choices do not affect us?

          My dear, every aboki with him kettle; carry your own kettle face front, no look my kettle! Simple

  4. Michael cyprian O.

    1. I’m sorry sir, but did you just compare a commercial sex worker to an athlete? Hahaha. One of the stupidest things I’ve read this year – no offence. An athlete is an inspiration to millions. She has endorsement deals from respectable companies from all over the globe. She isn’t exposed to STDs . And here in Nigeria, we always hear of prostitutes vanishing into thin air or their organs used in some voodoo sacrifice. Have you seen Serena Williams recently? She looks pretty healthy for someone who’s had injuries all her career

    2. Whatever your beliefs (or unbelief) are, it shouldn’t dictate what should be good or bad in someone else’s beliefs. What next, you’re gonna tell us peddling hard drugs is not necessarily bad?

    3. If in 25 from now and you’re back in that bar with your friends and you see your own daughter groping a man to elicit sexual excitement and eventual sex-for-money, you’d high five her, right? Mr-everything-without-externalities-is-alright.

    4. Are you just countering for countering sake? Bring up stronger points, jare. Good day.

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Peddling hard drugs does have externalities. I on’t think he is advocating for anything that will bring about harm to an unsuspecting party.

    • Michael, those prostitutes vanishing into thin air and whose organs are getting used for voodoo is as a result of this same disrespect and scorn that the society has for prostitution, not because of prostitution itself. It’s just as murder and victimization of homosexuals have become a result of the disgust society has for homosexuality.
      If tomorrow, sports were to become something scorned, Serena Williams wouldn’t be such an idol.

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      I will pretend that you have not just insulted me Mr Cyprian and go ahead to respond yo your argument.

      You see if you had read in between the lines you would have clearly seen where I clarified that something that doesn’t have externalities cannot be judged solely because no other person is affected.

      1. You are saying all prostituites have or must pick up STDs at some point? Well I guess you missed sex education in high school where people were taught protection. Let me also pretend you don’t know that people who don’t identify as prostituites also pick up STDs if they have unprotected sex. Same goes for you sir.

      2. Respectable you say? Again Moral high ground. You decides what is respectable and what is not? Oh I forgot that you make the rules, even though that’s relative. You still set the bench mark! Kudos

      3. My neighbor when I was growing up was kidnapped on his way back from school and his organs harvested then his body dumped in a dump site a while back. He was not a prostituite. So much for “smart arguments”.

      4. You don’t decide for everybody who their role model should be. If you decide yours is Serena and I decide mine is a prostuite? Who are you to tell me its not valid? Meanwhile you have seen every prostituite on this planet to determine that Serena (whom I happen to love BTW) looks better than all of them?

      5. Is as going to respond to your peddling hard drugs line but I can see admin already did that. Externalities people! Let that word be your watch word; no externalities, not my business.

      It’s as simple as this; you think prostituites are bad? Well great for you don’t become one and don’t hire one but don’t you tell someone who wants to be one not to be. At the end of the day, people make their own choices, each choice valid as long as there are no externalities!!!

  5. Hmm, NiceNice piece. Walter thanks for sharing the link with me.

  6. Nice piece Franklyne. Your forward thinking mind is something I wish can be imparted or transplanted in to the minds of Nigerians. People need to start thinking for themselves rather than let society do all the thinking for them.

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      Look into my argument and you will see that its common sense really, if only Nigerians can cast off the cloak of religion and outdated cultural premises that so easily beset us 😊😊

  7. Ghen Ghen! The battle is on. Where Eketi biko? This is a long weekend, I’m expecting a no holds barred rejoinder. Go for the jugular, destroy this man.

    Franklyn, why you no go talk say you dey OK with your daughter being a prostitute. Are you planning on having kids?

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      I don’t see how that’s related but NO I have no remote interest in parenting any human being. My life is fine the way it is!

      By the way its FRANKLYNE

      • Oh it is related. You can’t have the slightest inkling in wanting a daughter then in the same breathe say you’ll be comfortable if she comes home telling you she wants to be a prostitute.
        This has nothing to do with progressives, this simply has to do with you being a father. Being gay is not a choice, being a prostitute is. It’s a career choice sort of,and for every career choice, you help your child weigh the pros and the cons.

        • Franklyne Ikediasor

          True sir, but after weighing the pros and con’s the choice is entirely up to the child to make yes? 😊😊

  8. So ‘churchy’ people are outraged by what they see as Eketi’s endorsement of what prostitutes do, and ‘secularists’ like the writer here are outraged by what they see as Eketi’s condescension to prostitutes.

    🙂

    Interesting. Can’t win with the religious, can’t win with the not-so-religious, eh, Keti? 😀

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      Lol Mr Nnajide dont be a mess this morning 😂😂

      By the way Eketi did not endorse prostituition, she only cut some women who are into it some slack because they have had difficulties, all the while slamming those she termed the “greedy ones, who got into it for money”

      😊😊

    • Apparently not, NUN.

  9. I know she didn’t endorse it…that’s why I phrased the statement the way I did.

  10. Franklyne Ikediasor

    I think the problem is that in our heads somewhere we still feel that sex is sort of a dirty thing, especially when you have it with someone you are not married to, so we should keep it hush hush. If my daughter wanted to sell oranges, we will not be debating it as we are debating this issue will we now?

    Life is about choices, make yours and don’t tell people which one to make in their lives, except of course their choices affect you.

  11. The writer’s relativity argument isn’t valid: prostitution is wrong, because the law says so. And because we live together as society, the law, for now, supersedes both religious or secular morality.

    And there’s a reason the law is right in criminalising prostitution, never mind that the act doesn’t have external harm potential: the same reason the law does not support two consenting adults having sex in public. Such adults harm no one; can we then cut them some slack, writer? There is such a thing as public morality. There is no society that operates a relative morality blueprint in an absolute sense. There has to be a middle-ground standard to which everyone must subscribe, else there’ll be no law.

    Finally, prostitution actually has potential for negative externalities. You talked about protected sex, talked about non-prostitutes getting STDs. Scientifically, having multiple sex partners poses greater danger than the contrary, and protection DOES NOT prevent STDs 100 percent. So prostitution has a certain high degree of potential external harm.

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      Dear Immanuel James

      I avoided toeing a legal line because Ms Eketi did not base her argument on whether prostituition is legal or not, her argument was more of morality.

      The actions of a prostituite and her patron does not have any effect on anybody not directly involved in the transaction; why should it be a bad thing to be judged?

      You talked about STDs as externalities of prostituiton, well that’s quite laughable because both parties involved in this business are well aware of the risks involved and are supposed to take appropriate measures. In the event that they do not, well both of them are affected. Let me also pretend that there are no people who are not prostituites but are also having a lot of sex and are also exposed to STDs. Maybe we should just set a daily or weekly benchmark for the amount of sex everybody should have and punish those who go ahead of it.

      • Straw man argument! He conveniently forgot the one about public sex, because he knows it has ruined his earlier position, LOL.

        Then even this talk about both parties being fully aware of the danger doesn’t even begin to cut it: we are talking of whether or not their action can affect others NOT INVOLVED in it! That is the point, dear sir, and I have proven, scientifically, that their act CAN. What they think doesn’t matter here sir. What matters is that there is externality, remotely, however.

        • Mr James, he did address the issue of public sex when he said he wasn’t arguing from a legal point of view. And fine, laws are good. But let’s not run away with that and make it like all laws are made for the safe keeping of all citizenry.

  12. Mr writer,
    Let’s believe you will let your daughter toe that line if she says so….would you also allow your wife toe the same line? Hopefully she comes back and tells you her experiences with her clients….

    Let’s tell ourselves the truth least we direct people wrongly..

    “finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable…if anything is excellent or praise worthy…think about such things….

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      Dear Hale

      First of all I have no interest in marriage which is a social construct and an outdated institution. However if I do have a spouse well she has made a commitment to me which is a binding legal contract and I should be informed if she wants to get involved in prostituition. It’s that simple.

      The second part of your comment I believe is lifted from the Holy bible and I shall refrain to comment on that document.

  13. Simply put, Eketi is a Christian. She spoke from an empathetic Christian position. She has every right to believe deliberate acts of pre-marital sex is a sin, and for her to be open minded enough to accept the reality that this ‘sin’ is the only resort left to some women is commendable, in my opinion.

    She has succeeded in seeing the ‘grey’ in a sin that is colored black or white. And no matter how high-handed you think your own view of it is, it is still an extreme one. ‘love the act in its entirety or don’t even bother’… That’s what I read here. Extremism in any form is appalling. It leaves no room for grey areas/considerations and connotes a certain lack of tolerance for ideas you think yours supersede.

    I do not agree that her article was condescending. It’s your tone, Mr Franklyne, that is.

    #TeamGrey

    • *swoons*. More bloodbath please, this is a long weekend.

    • Love you, sis.
      His extremism raised my well-drawn brow, all the way to my hairline. Now I have to redraw my brow. I hate Franklyne.

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      Dear Lexi

      To be honest if Eketi had clarified that she was speaking solely as a christian then I would have refrained from writing this piece. Her values are defined by her faith then and I respect that, but my values and the values of a lot of people who read this blog are not defined by this faith so I had to make clarifications.

      If you could not see the patronizing condescension in Eketi’s article, its fine. I saw it, and more than a few people did too!

      • Since you agree that she has the right of belief, to whatever degree she chooses, then all is well. On her article, being condescending, we have to agree to disagree. Clearly, our perceptions differ.

  14. I wish this my comment was shorter. Pardon me, Shakes. I’m going to have to do a nested article here.

  15. Franklyne, the first time I read this article, I was laughing. The second time, not so much. By the third read, I wasn’t even cracking a smile. Let me tell you why.

    You said, “Morality is very relative and nobody gets to be a moral compass for another person.”
    I hope you see and appreciate the irony of this statement, when you turn around and contradict yourself by saying, “as long as there are no externalities.”
    Who are you to dictate to another, that if externalities are attached to his morality, then it becomes bad? His morality is personal and absolute. Your morality shouldn’t dictate externalities.
    By your logic, if a man comes into your home and rapes your daughter or mother, his moral compass is different from yours, yeah? And your moral compass shouldn’t extend to him, abi?
    That means the rape is okay.
    Oops! Wait. That’s not true. There’s an externality here. Right? So, what do we do now? Shall we apply the moral compass or not?

    You make it seem like morality is solely a personal thing, or even a Christian thing. Morality was in place, way before many knew Christ or acknowledged gods. It is a personal, as well as societal–a fluid entity that’s dictated by society to keep people in check and by people for themselves, an inalienable right you shouldn’t frown on.
    In terms of prostitution, it’s against the law (societal morality) and it’s against my personal morality. For me, it’s bad.

    Everything in life is interconnected and there is no such thing as “no externalities.” It may be minimal or not so minimal, but as long as your actions affect someone emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. it is an externality.

    There’s something about your kind of condescending progression. It’s never objective, it makes the same errors it accuses others of and it stinks to high heavens. You’re not a prostitute or a pimp. So my article has no so-called externalities when it comes to you. Yet you made it your business to write this long ass article. Not so much of a progressive wakapass, are you?

    Feminism doesn’t preach that everyone should be allowed to do what they like. It says, women should be seen and treated as equals with men—(as per your Sozo quote).

    It’s a good thing you sat in on sex education classes in school. But you obviously didn’t learn there that there’s no fool proof protection against STDs. Or that the STDs are more likely to spread when a prostitute shares it with ten clients in one night, who in turn share it with ten wives and girlfriends, who in turn share it with unborn babies (if they’re unaware of their statuses), who in turn die.

    For someone who says “prostitution is something……I’ve done quite a lot of reading up on…” you could’ve fooled me. Your alleged education is sadly lacking. Pick up another book.

    You say prostitution has no externalities, and so it’s okay, especially when someone makes it her choice profession. Ok.
    Do you know that the prostitution revenue worldwide was 186 billion dollars last year?
    (I’m yet to meet a woman who fakes orgasms for a living say, “I love what I do.” but that’s by the way).

    So a few girls actually choose it and some out of hardship. But these few girls aren’t enough to meet the demand. So the sex slave traders step in. They kidnap, trick and force girls into prostitution. Edo state, anyone? The money from this trade goes into fuelling the drug cartels, which in turn fuels the arms trade, which in turn fuels wars and tribal skirmishes. No externalities, you say?

    I agree with you that if demand is removed, supply will cease. But since we live on Earth and not Utopia, that isn’t about to happen.

    There was nothing in my article that suggested that I didn’t respect the right of women to choose to be commercial sex workers. I can respect their rights and still know and say that it’s a bad thing they do.
    Same way you’ll get out of your daughter’s way if she chooses prostitution, but (I’ll stake my bottom dollar on this) that you’ll never be proud of her chosen profession.

    Nothing in my article even remotely suggested that all prostitutes are pushed into the trade by circumstance.
    Being progressive isn’t a bad thing. But if you open that door based on the argument of moral compasses and externalities, there will be no end to chaos.

    And here ends my thesis.

    • Damn! The moment I’ve been waiting and the rebuttal did NOT disappoint. Eketi, you are clapback madam!!! LMAO!

    • Very well put.

    • Ehrm, whether or not STD can be passed through prostitution is irrelevant. The two adults getting involved in such acts are fully aware of this.

      • And if you bothered to read my comment, you’d see that your point is moot. Yes, both of them are aware. But are their other partners aware? I was speaking in terms of Mr Franklyne’s externalities.

        • What other partners?. If you’re going to have sex with a prostitute, are you doing so unaware of the risks you’re taking?.

          And if you’re referring to married men who go home to their wives after seeing one, how is that the fault of the hooker?

    • Woman, tell you your logic is like wow. nice one.

    • I have rarely see a woman is objective. Your logic are great. I love that.

  16. “Good” and “Bad” are subjective

  17. Franklyne Ikediasor

    Dear Ms Eketi

    I am going to ignore your not so subtle digs at my person and respond only to the points you raised in your comments.

    1. You hate me? 😂😂 even if that was not a joke, those who know me personally on this blog will tell you that I don’t like awake at night brooding over who likes me and who doesn’t! 😊 I just need you to get off your (moral) high horse for a minute and see my line of reasoning.

    2. If a man comes into my house and rapes my daughter, well his moral compass shall have no standing here; you know why? His actions affected other people. Externalities (I know that word you hate so much); he had sex with someone without consent and that is a bad thing. I’m shocked you are even bringing up this point, its pretty self explanatory!

    3. Well this is a public forum. If for instance you wrote your article and left it in your laptop and I happen to read it there are come and publish a response, then you can call me a poke nosing busy body. However my dear you published it in a public forum and that is an invitation for people to share their comments on the subject. If that worries you, then don’t write again, its quite simple.

    4. You talked about pimps and those forces into sex trade. If your high horse had allowed you to read very well you would have seen free will in the article. Women who go into the trade out of their own free will; read clearly before you attack.

    5. Like I said, your article started very well and raised strong points until you differentiated between the women who went into the sex trade out of greed and those pushed by difficulty. Then as if that was not enough, you clearly stated that prostituiton was not a good thing in paraphrased language.

    Again I will ignore the not so subtle digs, but I hope this make sense to you, if only you can decsend from the horse, you know things are clearly when you are not on an elevation.

    Toodles

    • Like I said earlier, your objectivity is false.

      You think I was personal? Mon ami, you should go back and read your article and following comments.
      You accuse me of writing from a Christian bias, when your article and comments are riddled with anti-Christian bias? And to think that you believe that makes you objective?
      Shift, jare.

      You even took the joke about hating you seriously enough to comment on it. Smh.

      When you crown personal morality as a good enough reason for someone doing something, you lose the right to place limits on that morality.
      You seem to think that because a woman didn’t give consent to sex, it makes it okay to judge the the rapist’s morality. It doesn’t.
      I’d like you to see that when you say morality is personal and relative, you open the door to all sorts of ills that people will explain away based on flexible morality.

      You speak of two consenting adults having sex. Sure, no wahala.
      But if you want to deliberately ignore the attendant and indirect results of their consensual sex, or say it’s not the fault of the primary parties, then I’ll just shake my head, admire your ostrich plumage and wakapass.

      As for this moral high horse of mine to which you so often refer, it’s quite far from the ground and I like it that way.
      From this hallowed height, I can see clearly into the gutter….where comments like yours lie.

      Now, I’ve said the last on this. Easter barbecued chicken is calling and I’m going to answer.
      Happy Easter, Franklyne.
      Happy Easter, everyone.

      • Franklyne Ikediasor

        Final word to Ms Eketi

        I did not bring Christianity into the argument, it was your friend who argued that you wrote as a Christian and if you had clarified that you were writing as a christian from the beginning, I won’t have bothered getting into this issue.

        Antichristian you say? Tsk tsk! I have refrained from commenting on Christianity in this article, I don’t know where you pulled that out from! Under your saddle I presume.

        It all comes down to externalities my dear and you know I am right, your moral high ground will just not allow you see.

        Anyway this was fun, I am off to stations on the cross.

        Happy easter everybody

    • Well, this escalated quickly. Lol! Make una cool down o. Gaan epp Bros J carry his cross. Happy Easter.

  18. *heading to golgotha, ignoring everyone*

  19. Jeova Sanctus Unus

    First let’s view it as a profession.
    Then let’s see a neutral gender.

    Every occupation has its health and security challenges. You can’t demand that practitioners change professions but can clamour for better standards. I don’t support the palm reading business but I wouldn’t view it as you view prostitution. A prostitute’s client is expected to know (or be made known) of the risks involved in the business. I have a lot of sex without money exchange; with your logic, Eketi, I’m blameless if I pass infections along. The prostitute sure got the infection from someone, didn’t they? Or should we all stop having pre-marital sex? The government fails it’s citizen with every infection passed through trading sex.

    I believe we all use the “find what you love and…” We have sex therapists in the medical field, the difference between them and prostitutes is the same between medical marijuana and recreational marijuana. It truly is condescending the opinion you gave, Eketi.

    Just as the alcohol industry, the service/product isn’t the vice, it’s usage is hence we clamor for regulation. A lot of ugly reared it’s head when religious morals was used to regulate the sale of alcohol. We have pimps and rings due to the way governments handle sex trade. Fishermen use harming means to get fish from the rivers because the government isn’t running it’s show. We can’t say fishing is bad.

    Also, I doubt you’ve seen a prostitute have sex. Please, don’t confuse porn stars with prostitutes. Porn is for entertainment; sex is meant to lead to orgasm.

    Let’s say prostitution is bad but due to economic realities you permit some people to take this route…still hypotheticaly, does that apply to robbery, kidnapping, fraud, etc? Let’s use logic and not sentiment in scientific issues (social science, init?). We are sexual beings, we have sexual demands and they are rendering the service. Some people go into more prestigious professions just for the benefits, are we going to condemn them too?

    Your opinion is commendable considering the society we live in, but you don’t condemn the others because that actually negates the good feelings you have. If I were arguing against prostitution I’d actually use that against you.

    • Franklyne Ikediasor

      JSU I owe you a bottle of your favorite poison.

      Have your people call my people to set it up 😊😊

      • Franklyn, that doesn’t make your logic right.. U didn’t answer my question too. Would you allow your spouse toe that line if she/he prefers that profession?

        Funny enough both of you don’t have practical experience of prostitution you only read books and hear says…

        To top it up Frank, you don’t believe in marriage and probably children.. I find it a bit deceptive when you said you wouldn’t mind your daughter trading that path…Just to let you know, most of those prostitutes believe in marriage and children..

        Prostitutions is not and cannot be a act of bravery..it is a product of weakness, greed, etc. Allowing your circumstance/condition to dictate your path in life..

        Fela…said sufa, sufa for world na your fault be that…in as much as I feel for them, I strongly believe they need the right words to move them in the right direction… The same bible you don’t believe in, has saved a lot of them..some read it the hotel room and did a “u turn” returning the money to their client…

        Let’s call a spade what it is and not what we think for many are keen to learn and follow..

  20. Two sides of a divide. In my opinion, Eketi’s original article made an attempt to come at prostitution from a tangent. It bravely stated why some people do something. It neither blamed nor encouraged prostitution in the general sense. More importantly, she did not rule a line in the sand nor label every one who dared cross the line.
    Mr Evolved on the other hand, made an attempt to explain to us in wordy fashion why the world should have his views. He effectively drew a line in the sand and sought to label everyone who made it past that line for whatever reason, while falsely attacking the original post and its writer of the same thing.
    I posit that Mr Evolved is a fake. He fights hard to create an air of sophistication. He has no ‘moral highground’ on the subject. Has no emotional connect to his hypothetical daughter being a prostitute. To crown it, he recognises the need for society to shrug off the constraints of morality and dig deep into the banality of our acting out our individual proclivities. Then like the warnings on cigarette boxes, he adds ‘as long as there are no externalities.’
    His unveiled yet rebranded extremism notwithstanding, my bone of contention with his follow up article is that it paints a picture that hardly exists. It goes beyond calling a bar a pub and a neo urban lifestyle of chefs and podcasts. These are people we are talking about. People who had dreams as little girls. How can we ignore the world of hurt, pain, unfulfilment and downright dejection that is prostitution? Perhaps, I imagine, you know of a few kids who dream of sleeping with absolute strangers all night long, no? Having to keep up appearances while it eats you up inside. A little at a time, till there is nothing left? Have you ever felt hollow? Like deep down inside, you knew the futility of hoping for better. Lastly, have you struggled to free yourself from a habit or a lifestyle? I think Mr Evolved does. So he fuels his escape with passivity.
    Not to be distracted by legality, right-wing morality or left-wing ‘moral evolution’, I ask that we see prostitution through human eyes. What you see might just haunt you.

  21. *satisfied sigh*
    Ahhhhh…..This is going to be a beautiful weekend!
    Happy Easter,Everyone!!

  22. Walter… Can there be a like button for comments?

  23. Franklyne Ikediasor

    Loool the brother came to the sister’s defense? Okay. I will respond later abeg, am out!

  24. Franklyne Ikediasor

    Dear Mesi

    I know Eketi is your sister therefore its only normal for you two to share same values and for you to come to her defense. I am also not surprised that you left the salient points and insulted my person, blood can run really thick after all.

    However I will let your personal attacks slide and try to respond to some of your points;

    1. You said “she did not rule a line in the sand nor label every one who dared cross the line”

    I am guessing you missed where she said

    “Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to justify prostituition”

    Clearly Ms Eketi does not approve of women selling sex, but will only hand you a free pass slightly if you were pushed into it by difficulties of life.

    2. If you read my article with an open mind (not one clouded by DNA loyalty) you would have seen that my point was very simple; nobody gets to set rules for another person, to each his own. I am guessing you missed the thrust of my argument.

    3. “Banality of acting out our individual proclivities”

    That line is the oldest trick in the book for keeping people reigned in on our decided morality. That is the argument for criminalizing homosexuality and for standing against gay marriage, after all we shouldn’t be allowed to do everything we want to do. Again externalities (yes this works you dislike)! When these proclivities have no externalities, get the hell out of the way and allow people live their lives. Do your own and let them do theirs.

    4. Pub, neo urban life style of chefs and podcasts? 😂😂😂😂😂 Is that a problem for you? Why so pained? My goodness 😂😂 Okay, I am getting the hang of what this is all about.

    5. I freed myself from a habit? So I fuel my escape with passivity? Loooool *clutches chest* Dude you don’t know the first thing about me, stop reaching please 😂😂😂. You see how you are playing into the narrative? I disagree with your values, therefore there must be something wrong with me which I am trying to escape! Tsk Tsk!

    6 seeing prostituition through human eyes? No its more seeing it through the eyes of you and Ms Eketi and through both your eyes these women are either victims of difficult circumstances and who have no other means of fending for themselves and should be pitied or they are “runs girls” who sell sex out of sheer greed and thirst for money. Absolutes annoy me, because there are no absolutes in life, its always a spectrum.

    There are women who out of their own free will want to sell sex and actually really enjoy their careers. Nobody gets to sit on any high horse and tell them how its not valid, especially since this career does not affect you in anyway!

  25. WOW!!! Best comments ever.. I don’t even know who to support, I’m lost hence bipartisan..
    Toodles

  26. I’m with you @Eketi.

  27. Udegbunam Chukwudi

    So we are basically saying there aren’t people who go into escort services cause they are damn good at providing outta this world orgasms etc and not because of some ” God has forsaken me” story.

    With the amount of sex some people are having these days, they might as well just get paid for it biko. STDs affect prostitutes and your slutty friends/neighbors equally if these parties don’t take the necessary measures to protect themselves. I don’t see morality laws being enforced against HOES.

    This narrative of believing that all prostitutes are dying inside (Misery BS) and need saving (Jesus) is a mess. Life can’t be that black and white.

    Someone was asking would you allow your daughter become prostitute. Well past a certain age you can no longer do the growing up for your children, they have to find their own way and your job as a parent is to be there for them and siddon for one corner chopping nails and worrying yourself sick about them, hoping they will be alright. (Which is why yours truly ain’t got time for no babies UNLESS I can control every entire decision they make until I’m dead and gone. Ain’t nobody giving me HBP)

  28. This world is coming to an end o, Nigerians are now progressive thinkers and all what not. Jesus please come quickly.

    • Udegbunam Chukwudi

      Some of us have decided to use the intelligence God bestowed on us to ask questions instead of digesting every thing thrown at us without raising an eyebrow out of fear of God taking away “our blessings”

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Oh wait o, progressive thinking is now a sin that Jesus’ second coming should protect mankind from?

  29. I was of the initial opinion that this writer was a good debater till he shot himself in the foot by saying that morality is relative.
    The basic framework of his argument, at that point, imploded on itself.

  30. Chaiiiiiiii!!!!!

    Dia ris God ooooooooo

  31. Very soon someone is going to say stealing and murdering people is not really bad. Go back to your values people!!

    • shakespeareanwalter

      I don’t believe any self respecting person would say that the things that cause harm to another human being is right. The key thing to note here is how what one does affects another human being. Don’t muddle the issues please.

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