DISCLAIMER: The following article contains spoilers from TV Shows of the past week. So if you haven’t SEEN the episodes of the past week and you detest spoilers, then I suggest you leave while you can. If you haven’t and you don’t mind spoilers, feel free to enjoy. If you have seen the episodes, then by all means read on and lets ki-ki.
REVIEW OF THE WEEK: Game Of Thrones – S06E02 (Home)
Welcome to my weekly recap of Game Of Thrones, the greatest show that ever was and ever will be. If you don’t agree, please argue with someone else 🙂
If you didn’t know this about me or it wasn’t already evident, Game Of Thrones is my favorite show ever. I could talk about it all day. I have sunk myself in this huge world that George R.R. Martin has created and as such, I have the tendency to ramble on about it. But I’ll try to keep this recap as focused as possible. No show gets me more hyped, but be rest assured, I’ll try to tone down the crazy.
This recap is dedicated to the Unbelievers (*sides eyes Walter*), those of little faith who shall have to put up with me rubbing their lack of faith in their faces…FOREVER!
You could already tell by the “Previously on” in this episode that something monumental was going to happen. The episode opens with Bran, who we haven’t seen since the fourth season. I have always liked the Bran storyline because it seems to be the most steeped in the mystical elements that I wish the show would fully embrace. And from the looks of this episode, that’s the direction we are headed.
Last we saw Bran, he was with the Three Eyed Raven, who was going to be a mentor of sorts. The audience and Bran is privy to a flashback to the past, to times when all seemed well with the Starks; Ned Stark was young lad with Benji Stark (Uncle Benji!), Winterfell was vibrant, and in comes Lyanna Stark. (You know the infamous Stark who was already deceased when the series began; also whom Robert Baratheon was in love with and who was allegedly “kidnapped” by Prince Rhaegar Targaryen, and whose said kidnapping was the catalyst for Robert’s Rebellion – yeah, that Lyanna). We even see a young Hodor who SPEAKS! I know! Shocker! And he is also named Wylis. We barely get enough time to enjoy the flashback before Oga Three Eyed Raven yanks us out of it and reminds that this is still Game Of Thrones, where the night is dark and full of terrors.
Bran talks with Meera Reed, who you’d remember journeyed with Bran and her brother, Jojen Reed (also a Warg, Jojen died to their current location). Meera appears frustrated (I’d be frustrated too if my storyline was moving at that pace). She talks with a child of the forest, who tells her Bran will need her.
At the Wall, Ser Allister AKA Ser Cunt Face is still trying to flush Ser Davos and his Suicide Squad out, but they are loyal or something and they stay put, ready to fight. Also in the crowd is that whiny bitch, Olly. Ser Allister and his people break down the Suicide Squad bunker, but just then, reinforcements arrive and of course they brought a giant with them, and I am like YASSSSSSSSS!!!! The fight doesn’t even last long because, well, we always knew Ser Allister and his people really are spineless goats. But then, Olly be thinking he is a boss and charges at a Wildling. Sigh. Is it too much to ask that someone kill this boy already? Like seriously! Jeez!
Back at Kings Landing, we see some mumu talking shit about Queen Cersei (say what you will, I enjoyed his short story), and just as the mumu is taking a piss all by himself, he gets swatted by the Zombie Mountain. No seriously, that’s what happens; he just smashes the mumu’s head against a wall. I have used more effort to kill mosquitoes. I don’t know if this scene was meant to show his strength or be scary, but it just made me laugh.
Cersei is about to attend her daughter Myrcella’s burial, but her son King Tommen “Baratheon” wouldn’t let her, for her protection. That makes sense; save her from the High Sparrow, you could not, but you can protect her from attending her daughter’s burial. How very kingly of you. SMH.
However, Myrcella’s burial is attended by King Tommen and his father uncle Jaime Lannister. They talk about whatever, and then the High Sparrow walks in, and Tommen is like “I want to see my wife o”, and the High Sparrow is like “Oga Tommen, we are not done torturing her yet”, and Tommen is like “Oya na, let me know when you’re done.” Idiot human being, that Tommen! After the mumu leaves, Jaime confronts the High Sparrow and the dude being smart obviously didn’t come alone. Oshey Backup!
Now, let’s catch up with Tyrion, Varys and the band of underdogs. In between making penis/eunuch jokes, Tyrion suggest freeing the dragons as dragons don’t do well in captivity. “How do you know this?” Missandei asks. Tyrion replies, “That’s what I do. I drink and know things.” LOL! Never change, Tyrion. Never change.
So he goes to free the dragons; credit the to team behind the show’s visual effects, because the dragons look better and more importantly scarier than ever. Also, credit to Peter Dinklage, who goes from frightened to awe without losing his character’s essence. He frees the dragons and they don’t eat him. They are nice like that.
Back in Braavos, Arya receives her second beat down in as many episodes. This time, she does something right apparently and Jaquen Hagar decides to let her back into the House of Black and White. Arya’s storyline has gone from one of the most exciting to the most frustrating; I have seen snails move faster than the plot thread. I hope we get some satisfying pay off soon.
At Winterfell, the boys are talking politics and in comes the maester to inform Lord Bolton that Lady Walder has given birth…to a boy for that matter. You can immediately see the crazy in Ramsay’s eyes kick into full gear. Knowing what needed to be done for him to have the best claim to the North, he kills his father. I feel nothing for the man; the sonofabitch deserved it for killing Rob and Catelyn Stark.
Ramsay follows the patricide up by ordering for Lady Walder, and he takes her to his hounds and she follows with her newborn baby in tow. And I’m like, this should end well. HA! That crazy dude literally feeds her and her child to the dogs. Once again I’m not shocked here as this is Ramsay we are talking about; anything short of killing them would have been out of character for him. Still it’s pretty uncomfortable to watch it play out.
Brienne catches Sansa up on how Arya is doing. LOL, obviously she doesn’t know the latest, but that’s beside the point, seeing as Theon wants to go back to the Iron Islands to claim his destiny or something. They say goodbye and it’s sad. Poor Theon has been through the wringers (there’s a penis joke in there somewhere).
Speaking of the Iron Islands, let’s pay them a visit. We see Theon’s father, Balon Greyjoy and his sister Yara Greyjoy arguing about whatever, and Father Greyjoy decides in that moment – when heavy rain dey fall o – that he’d cross the poorly constructed bridge. SMH. Even if what happened next didn’t happen, I’m pretty sure the dude wouldn’t have made it across. Anyhow, as he starts his bridge journey, he is accosted by some hooded person who reveals himself to be Euron Greyjoy, who much like Cookie Lyons in Empire, has come to take back what’s “his”. And so he throws Father Greyjoy off the bridge. Nice knowing ya!
Back at the wall, Ser Davos meets Mellisandre and she is hot and young again, looking into the flames hopelessly. Ser Davos basically asks her, “Sister, coman bring Jon Snow back to us biko.” After doing some inyanga, she agrees. And so she goes and gives Jon a good rub and shine and a nice haircut, and says some words for good measure. But alas, the magic isn’t cooperating, and so all of them sashay away. All except Ghost the baddest of all the direwolves. The room is quiet. The wolf is napping or something, but then he gets up, and after a few suspense-building seconds, Jon wakes and takes the biggest breath ever. Something tells me he snores.
1. For a quick second, I thought Hodor was going to say something other than Hodor. Really curious as to how his speech impediment came about.
2. You’d think Ramsay Bolton will be the character I’d hate the most. But no. That honor goes to Olly, with the High Sparrow a close second. Olly is despicable though and here’s why. So in Season 4, his family is murdered by Ygritte and the Wildlings, and thus his hate for the Wildlings is justified. In the Season 4 battle with the Wildlings, he however gets his revenge by shooting the arrow that kills Ygritte. You’d think this hateful cunt of a face would end it there. Jon Snow then takes him under his wing (making him his steward as Mormont once did him AKA grooming him to be Lord Commander), and treats him like a little brother. And what does he do? He stabs Jon. Biko oga Olly, did Jon kill your parents? As you have killed the person who killed your parents, have it not do you? Weyrey! And what’s more shocking/annoying is that there is no remorse whatsoever coming from the idiot. I wish he’d just get murdered by one of the Kardashians Sand Snakes or something.
3. Say what you will about Joffrey, but he knew how to get the job done. Tommen’s puppy dog shtick just irritates me.
4. When Ramsay says “I prefer to be an only child”, it sent chills down my spine.
5. Seriously though, I remember trying to convince numerous people that Jon Snow would definitely be coming back. I told Walter AKA The Chief of the Unbelievers that no character’s resurrection has arguably been more predictable than Jon Snow’s. Why was I so sure about his return? The show did a decent job of leaving some bread crumbs for you to follow – that and the fact that Jon’s death made zero sense. Yes, the show is characterized by numerous deaths, but each one serves a purpose and drives the plot forward. Jon’s death does the opposite of that. It basically removes the only character that made us care about the Night’s Watch storyline and as such renders one of the show’s most important plot threads powerless. That’s looking at it from a logical point of view.
Looking at the clues the show gave us; first there is the huge foreshadow that the show serves up: Samwell Tarly, Jon’s paddy of life said and I quote, “I’ve been worrying about Jon for years. He always comes back.” That quote was all the hope I needed to keep me warm through last season and this one. Then there is the most obvious one; Mellisandre left Stannis at the Winterfell battleground to return to the Wall. Moments later, Jon dies. This same Mellisandre who we’ve seen do some pretty scary/miraculous shit. The same Mellisandre whose Lord of Light we have seen bring people back from the dead. Come on! It doesn’t get more obvious than that. After seeing that, I knew it was only a matter of when – not if – Jon was coming back.
6. On an unrelated note, I have this weird feeling that Stannis didn’t die. I mean we didn’t see Brienne land the killing blow and if there is one thing TV has taught me, it’s that if you didn’t see them die, then they are most likely still alive. Either that or the show is trying to make me neurotic.
7. Now that Jon is awake, how quick can we fast-track some nice revenges for Ser Allister and Olly. The quicker the better. Also Sister Mellisandre, bringing Jon back to life helps your case, but I still can’t forget you burning poor Shireen alive last season. Speaking of Shireen, I don’t think Ser Davos knows her fate yet.
8. WHERE IS GENDRY!!!!!!
9. Death Toll this week: 4 (major deaths) – Lord Bolton, Lady Walder and her baby and Balon Greyjoy. Did I miss anyone?
Rating: 8/10 – This is a step up from the premiere episode. The pacing was definitely better. Omitting Daenerys from this past week was smart and effective as her story wouldn’t have fit in here. Also I am still hoping Dorne and the Kardashians Sand Snakes will live up to their promise and actually become a formidable storyline because their omission here only served the episode well.
TALKING POINTS OF THE WEEK
Scandal Quick Recap: Did Cyrus forget that his husband Michael actually took their daughter and fled? Because it really bothers me that we don’t even get a remote side dialogue about it. Other than this, this was a pretty okay episode. It had the political behind-the-scenes machinations that made this show great. Hollis had been riding an unlikely wave of success, so it was only a matter of time before he got handled in the most Pope way possible – a secret camera. Can we talk about how Democratic presidential candidate Edison and Jake Ballard are somehow afraid of Eli Pope? LOL. I don’t buy it. I bought it when he was the ahead of a secret organization with resources at his hand. Last I checked, there isn’t a B6-13 anymore. So what exactly about this man scares them so? Jake, all that food you pipu are always eating, can’t you just poison him or kill him in his sleep? I mean, the options are numerous. Yet by the end of the episode, Jake “wants the sun” and wants to be saved. Bitch, not this bullshit again! I had enough of this sun nonsense in seasons 3 and 4. Aunty Shonda, please carry Jake and Eli Pope and go oooo! Meanwhile the Abby and Olivia rivalry is still there. Hot Marcus and Mellie are heating up the screen and the atmosphere too. And last but not the least, Susan Ross finds out about David Rosen’s stupidity in the previous episode and she breaks things up with him. #ShortestEngagementEver.
In the end, Hollis and Susan are out of the race making Mellie Grant the Republican presidential candidate, and with Edison delivering his monologue of life and thus ruining his chances, that leaves Governor Francisco Vargas as the Democrat’s candidate. Now the real race begins.
Grey’s Anatomy Not-So Quick Recap: The love story that was Callie and Arizona (Calzona, if you’re a hardcore shipper) is such a distant memory that they’ve now devolved to fighting over custody of their kid, Sofia. Here’s some truth tea; I never listen to Meredith’s voiceover, like the show is in its 12th season and I have never once paid attention to it. But this episode’s voiceover starts with the story in the bible, you know, the one where two women both claim to be the mother of a child. King Solomon has to choose and blah-blah. This was one of my favorite bible stories in CRK class, so my ears perked right up and for once I listened to Meredith Grey’s voiceover.
So the episode opens with Arizona and Callie with their respective lawyers trying to come to some sort of custody agreement, but alas neither wants to budge and so the case shall be settled in a courtroom!
While Arizona’s lawyer’s tactic is to show that Arizona is the better fit for their daughter, Callie and her lawyer reduce themselves to smearing Arizona, basically calling her a hoe and trying to make the fact that she is a doctor saving lives, babies and fetuses no less, seem like a bad thing. I was glad that while Bailey was Callie’s witness, she didn’t hesitate to call Callie’s lawyer out on her bullshit. “Would you ask that if she were a man?” she fired. Of course the lawyer doesn’t reply because she is the worst.
Frankly I was on no one’s side before this trial began, but as soon as Callie started flinging mud, I was #TeamArizona instantly.
Owen is first off to testify and the following words he said stuck with me. When asked if he thought Callie’s move was sudden, he says, “Not for her. It was sudden because Dr Blake’s (Penny) schedule determined the move. But for Callie, no. This is who she is. She gets thrown a situation, it doesn’t daunt her, it inspires her. I’ve seen it.”
A couple of things did bother me in this episode. First, Meredith herself was Callie’s witness – the same Meredith who didn’t want to move to Washington with Derek because their lives were in Seattle. You would think she’d understand Arizona’s side, but alas, hypocrisy and double standards reign instead. Also, seeing that Dr. DeLuca just broke up with his daughter Maggie Pierce, I would have thought Dr. Webber would be less than chummy than he was in this episode. And did Meredith seriously praise Penny, the same Penny who “killed” her husband? LMAO. I kent deal. The hypocrisy is real.
Back to the koko, Penny AKA “the one kinda responsible for this whole mess” testifies and I still don’t like her. She basically tries to prove that she knows Sofia really well and she’d make a good co-parent. Arizona’s lawyer calls her out on her bullshit. Meredith testifies next and unwittingly testifies in Arizona’s favor. “It takes a village and we have a village,” she says. A village that is in Seattle. The same Seattle that Sister Callie wants to move Sofia away from because she is “in love” with Penny. PS: Last I checked, Penny’s job was going to be temporary and only last a year. If Callie was being anything other than selfish, she’d realize what a blockhead she’s being.
Arizona testifies and Callie’s lawyer tries some more mud-slinging, calling to fact that Arizona isn’t the biological parent of Sofia and didn’t even want a child to begin with. LOL. Madam Lawyer, Biology doesn’t make someone family. If it did, adoptive families would just be playing dress-up then, which is what Arizona did. She legally adopted Sofia, making her the girl’s mother and giving her identical parental rights as Callie. So carry you condensation and move biko. As for her not wanting a child, we are still allowed to change our minds, aren’t we? I have seen many a parent who didn’t want kids but later changed their minds once the bundles of joy arrived. So miss me with that argument. Also for those of you who’ve forgotten, Arizona even tried to carry the couple’s second child but she miscarried. So it’s obvious that her stance on children have changed.
While testifying, Arizona is paged and has to leave to GO SAVE THE LIFE OF A FETUS! Before she leaves though, she softens her stance, admitting that either way, she’d be fine with whoever gets custody because she knows that their daughter would be okay.
The judge makes her decision and grants Arizona sole custody. In Meredith’s voiceover, she tells of how the true mother in the bible story would rather give her baby up than see it ripped in two. Which is what Arizona was willing to do.
I’m not happy that Callie lost custody of her child but she brought this on herself. Earlier in the episode, Owen remarked on how Callie “jumps right into situations.” He meant it as a positive and it can be, but here, it meant she made a brash decision to move Sofia, didn’t tell Arizona, then got offended when Arizona tried to fight for her rights. And all this over Dr. Penny Blake who she’s known for less than a year! She was clearly in the wrong here. I also don’t buy her love for Penny. It would have been easier to root for Callie if I truly bought her love for Penny, but I don’t, and that’s the fault of the writers, as they have not developed this couple at all. Plus the fact that there is little-to-no chemistry between both actresses doesn’t help either.
I no go lie, I wasn’t a fan of this storyline as it seemed contrived just to create drama. But I am glad the right decision was made.
RuPaul’s Drag Race Quick Recap: The top 3 for Season 8 has been revealed. With ChiChi Devayne sashaying away this week, Bob the drag queen, KimChi and Naomi Smalls are this season’s Top 3. It was always going to be between Naomi and ChiChi and in the end it just seems like Naomi’s more polished drag gave her the edge over ChiChi. It was sad to see ChiChi go; she really has grown during the course of the competition and this group of queens really is the first one where I really wouldn’t mind anyone who wins. That’s how awesome they are. Without a PhiPhi Ohara, Dariene Lake, Ginger Minj, or Roxxy Andrews villain type, it’s easy to root for all the queens here.
I am very happy with this top 3, as I had predicted that Bob and Kim would make it to this point. Naomi was definitely the dark horse here. She’s fully deserved her spot here. The finale is in two weeks where RuPaul will announce this season’s winner.
Criminal Minds season renewal: For anyone who watches the crime show, it’s been renewed for a 12th season.
Shortened Scandal season: Kerry Washington is pregnant with her second child and so the episode order for the next season of Scandal has been cut short from 22 to 16. Kerry was also pregnant during the filming in the third season and the show hid her baby bump under coats and shot her from angles that obscured the bump. It was distracting at times and Kerry has decided she’d rather have a shorter season instead. This is good news as shorter seasons usually means less filler material and thus stronger seasons.
Suits premier date: The sixth season for legal drama Suits will premiere on the 13th of July.
New Ryan Murphy Show: Ryan Murphy has an upcoming new show ordered at FX. It’ll be titled FEUD. It will be an anthology. As the name suggests, it’ll be a show that’s basically about “legendary personality conflicts.” The first season stars Jessica Lange (as Joan Crawford), Susan Sarandon (as Bette Davis), Alfred Molina and Stanley Tucci.
“The first season will chronicle Crawford and Davis’ combative collaboration on the big-screen classic Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, which went on to garner five Oscar nominations.” – TVLine
Sounds like a lovely premise. They could also do the Juliana Margulies and Archie Panjabi The Good Wife feud for the second season. Lord knows I am dying to know the real T behind that beef between the two women (or is it too soon?). A TV show about famous beefs? Sign me up!
After the mess that was Scream Queens, Ryan Murphy renewed my faith in him by delivering a really amazing first season of American Crime Story. So I am really excited for this.
I would review Captain America Civil War, but this entry is already long enough as it is. My simple review would be to do yourself a favor and go and see this movie. The Russo Brothers really do know how to make a superhero film. I’m glad they are in charge of the next two Avengers movies.
That’s it for this week. Sound off!
Written by Deola