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Previously On Facebook

My friend, Nene Ezike, updated the following in a Facebook post that was so hilariously scathing, I simply had to share. Check on it below and let us know your thoughts in the comments section.

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Dear Average “Christian” Nigerian Patient,

Here’s how it works. Note this and follow the order strictly so you don’t sound silly when you visit the doctor again.

  1. You are ill or notice an odd sign or symptom. See your doctor or a qualified doctor at least.
  2. TELL doctor the TRUTH. Who else you wan open up to before? Daddy G.O.? Please.
  3. Have a discussion with the doctor on tests and treatment plans. Don’t assume. Assumption is the least form of intelligence.
  4. Follow the doctor’s instructions. Strictly. Do all tests, take all medications. In their right doses too. Very important.
  5. PRAY the system works. Very important, also.

Please, follow these guidelines strictly. It works, I assure you. Don’t come to me. I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I only diagnose. I don’t treat. Don’t collect your result and tell me it is not ya portion. Shebi na my portion ni? If I hear…

Most importantly, do your annual checks. Things are picked up early that way. Don’t wait until you are down before coming to ask me, “Eh, Madam, which test should I do?” I don’t do shortcuts and you may not like my answer.

Finally, when in doubt, ask your doctor questions.

Thanks.

Signed,

Concerned Nigerian Health Worker who is completely tired of crap.


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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9 comments

  1. Lmao. I remember the day I read this on her time line, I was driving and burst out chuckling. Babe be telling the truth since the days of Noah.

  2. U’d be amazed at d things u hear and see from patients in d hospital…lol@ “it’s not my portion!”

  3. I heard a testimony at a Christian gathering. A babe was having pain and sometimes, numbness in one of her heels. She was told to go check it out, as cancer presents that way sometimes (dunno how true that is, though). She refused and rejected cancer and never went to check it out for close to a year (10 months and counting). And during the service that day, she stopped feeling the pains… And I am like sha go back and confirm your healing. Don’t know if it makes me a non believer, but wouldn’t it be better if you knew what exactly you are praying against?

  4. Chai, She got me at “ear average Christian Nigerian Patient”,….hahahahhaha

  5. LOL. Walt. You need to experience these things to understand how I feel when I put up these posts. In this case, the woman saw her Pre cancer test result and ‘rejected’ the outcome. Na from my village dem do the thing? Hianity!!! One even said that it was ‘computer’ that gave the result. I became confused instantly. I should start the series on paternity tests. Only that, that one could earn me a query if any of myogas see them. LOL

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