Home / Featured / The One About The Two-Year-Old Girl’s Orgasm

The One About The Two-Year-Old Girl’s Orgasm

Originally published on quora.com with the title, ‘What is one thing you caught your child doing that you wish you had never seen?’, I was astonished by this piece that I had to share with y’all. Check on it and sound off in the comments section, guys.

*

Oh man, I will never forget this (because it still happens).

My two year old daughter had an orgasm. Right in front of me. From grinding her little vagina on the corner of her toddler sized ottoman.

SO here’s the full story:

When my daughter was about four months old, I was giving her a bath in her baby bath, which came with a spa whirlpool attachment. One day, I put her in the bath, and the whirlpool was facing her feet (normally it was pointed at her head, but she was on the little elevated thing so it would just circulate around her). She started cooing happily. I figured – like a normal dad – she was just happy for her bath.

Cue next bath time: I put her in the correct way this time, and she realized she couldn’t feel the hot water jet on her vagina (I didn’t connect this for a while, and even then I just thought she liked how it felt on her feet). BABY. WAS. PISSED.

Fast forward a few months, and her grandmother bought her a toddler sized easy chair that came with an ottoman. Now she had always been a squirmy wormy; we just never figured out that she was trying to stimulate her vagina on things.

To this day, I still don’t know why she tried to hold herself up on the sides of it and hump the corner of it. I have no idea where she got that idea. I just remember watching her and wondering if she was itchy, or had a UTI, or some other scary thing that a dad who grew up with only brothers had never experienced. Then she did it. She let out this low guttural sound, ignored everyone around her, and then stood up fresh as a daisy.

Oh…My…God! Did…She…Just…

If I could have bleached my brain, I would have. So my enlightened reaction was to make a doctor’s appointment, who informed me that this is a thing called Toddler Masturbation! WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NONSENSE?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? WELL HOW DO I STOP IT?!

“DON’T stop it” was what I was told. “You’ll make her afraid of her body. As she gets older, you just have to tell her that this sort of thing happens in her bedroom only, in private.”

So here she is, at four. Still humping away, though now she’s way too big for that ottoman (it gets washed, lmfao). As a result, she has developed an absolute ridiculous upper body and core, she has a six-pack and her waist can still fit 6 month jeans.

Although we don’t actively encourage her to do it, we also don’t stop her. We let her know it’s normal to explore your body, (though we do actively discourage her from trying to put anything in there like fingers and stuff).

My son – thankfully – is more interested in trucks and trains.

For those wondering, yes, I followed up with a child behavioral psychologist, an endocrinologist, and everyone else under the sun to make sure it wasn’t Precocious Puberty.

People have asked me why we didn’t take her ottoman away. We did. She stole my wife’s step stool. Since she’s too big for the ottoman, we figured if we gave that to her, she’ll hit muscle failure sooner.

I’ve also been asked if she gets bored and that’s why she stands up. She’s been known to steal an iPad so she can watch Netflix while she does this.  Clever scamp.

I have been asked about CPS (Child Protective Services). Yes, this did get me a visit from CPS. My daughter was having night-terrors from what we suspected was anxiety about becoming a big sister. We contacted a New Parent Support counselor, and explained what was happening. She came to the house, saw our daughter humping her ottoman, and contacted CPS. How did we find out? A 0700 visit on Veteran’s day, being questioned by what turned out to be a very nice lady. It helped that I had taken her to a medical doctor, psychologist, and endocrinologist. Our case was closed within 4 months, but it was fairly nerve wracking.

As a bonus, because I was in the military at the time, this also caused a CID (Criminal Investigation Department) case to be opened against me. I was never questioned, charged, or anything else though. I think everyone understood the counselor had jumped to conclusions.

Someone once pointed out to me that it was the clitoris she was stimulating, not the actual vagina. While that’s true, I don’t have the intestinal fortitude to write “my daughter” and “clitoris” in the same sentence.

Some of you have questioned whether I should have gone anonymous for this, citing my daughter’s privacy and future bullying. While I severely doubt that anyone is going to come on Quora in a few years, dig up my name, and then find this particular question to find this particular answer and bully her for it, I suppose anything is possible. However if this is the worst thing that happens to her, I’ll consider myself lucky. I’ll take her on here and show her all the positive that has come from telling her story. I thank you for your concerns though :).


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

Check Also

The Piece About Election Year Coming Up, And Nigerian Politicians Remembering That Homosexuality Exists (Again)

Originally published on Ynaija.com Like death and taxes, you can always depend on Nigerian politicians ...

21 comments

  1. Ha! Biko, what is this one?

  2. Hian!
    I have heard it all. O si na nkea bu toddler masturbation? What is that?
    Jeez, sounds totally scary. I’ll freak out.

  3. Good Lawd!!!
    I appreciate how enlightened this dad is handling this condition with his daughter. If na Naija parents, they for don beat the toddler masturbation comot the girl body.

  4. What what what?!!! This is insane! A toddler?!

  5. Wow… that early, something similar happened to me sha.

  6. I read this on Quora the other day and it got me thinking about how I would react in such situation. I’d freak out first then laugh about it with my husband later.

  7. OMG! This is quite strange and left me a lil uneasy. Are you not supposed to be in puberty haze to have an actual orgasm? I know for the guys, you can’t ejaculate without undergoing puberty, don’t know if it’s same for girls anyway (should be). But two years is a damn small age for her supposed ‘body’ (in this case, Clitorial) exploration. If she were born to Nigerian parents, the deliverance sessions she’d have had would be enough to last her a life time!

  8. Frankly I read about this a year ago or so but I quickly dismissed it before I start vigorous studying all my nieces UpandDahn…but its very true as I later discover…

  9. OK. That’s it! I’m sending these kids back to where they came from. I can’t deal abeg

  10. 😮😮😮

  11. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhh….

    This is so new mehn! Hard!

  12. People like that pedophile senator will coman use this as justification for marrying prepubescent girls.

  13. In Orubebe’s voice, I can’t take this!

  14. I stand up for African parenting in this one. I think there is an over reliance these days on so called child psychology and less on parental gut feeling. I have an 18month old who likes to touch his peepee. It comforts him. I understand the need not to body shame him but I wouldn’t encourage him either (silently or actively). I distract him, give him toys etc and he forgets about it. U can’t leave a little girl to go on like that in the name of exploration. There are so many years ahead of her for that. What will happen now is at 12 or so these ‘innocent grindings’ will no longer satisfy and she will turn to sth else. In private. And then next thing daughter is addicted to porn or a sex addict. Let’s go to another psychologist. I know this seems extreme but in everything we must weigh the best and worst case scenarios. The kid might end up just fine. But what if…. and then the poor guy will think to himself, damn. ..I shouldn’t have left her then.
    Just like the bloody psychologists that say don’t spank no matter what. Because there has been ‘extensive research’… abeg

  15. ..and it seems these days there is the new disdain for ‘African parenting’. As with so many things in this country, we suddenly believe that the westerners method must be better and right. Why, I don’t know. I think what we should focus on is the eliminating the extremes. Both on African and western parenting (and everything else). I don’t subscribe to deliverance sessions for small infractions but I also don’t subscribe to the “children need to be free”. Kids count on adults to show them how to live, how to behave. Because they do not know. Both African and western extremes are lazy in this. Either beat bad behaviour out or ignore. It is much harder work to take the time to teach nuances. Let us work to eliminate extremes in parenting and not blindly subscribe to all western or vilify all African methods…

  16. Hmmmm….Walter pls we need a ‘like’ botton in the comment section. The sense some people make here is too much and like Ogonna above. And we won’t want to spoil it with further comments.

  17. Thank u Ogonna. I wouldn’t have said it better.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *