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THE JOURNAL: My Celebrity Moments

Dear Diary,

Ever since I got this gig at the airport, and realized that it was an environment peppered with the presence of celebrities (I mean, they have to fly, don’t they? Road travel isn’t their thing), I decided to make it one of my several life’s missions to acquire a digital photo album filled with snapshots of any celebrity I see. Don’t ask me if that will change the price of crayfish in the market. It won’t, I know. But it’s a quirk. I’m allowed to have them.

And so far, I’ve been doing okay. I mean, I got one with KCee, the Limpopo master. He’d come to my work station to rectify an issue with his line, and in between proffering a solution, I asked for a snapshot with him. He said yes. He had to, because who knows what I would have done, what evil shenanigans I would have carried out on his service account if he had said no. Hell hath no fury like a me spurned.

And then, there was Harrisong. He was so pleased that I straightened out his iPad issues that saying ‘Cheese’ with me and him in the same frame wasn’t a bother to him at all.

Oh, and Darey too. Now that’s a guy with star power. I had to get in line and wait for my turn to get a snapshot with him after some other giggly idiots. Please take note, Dear Diary, I was neither giggly nor an idiot. He may be Darey, but I’m Walter. I’m cool too. <adjusting collar>

In Mai Atafo’s case, I still can’t believe the guts I had when I asked him, considering he was fuming over the complaint he had tabled before me. But I guess there was something about my disarming smile and deferential attitude that made him break out in a grudging laugh and say, “Oya, let’s get this over with.”

But there have been misses too. Like the one-half of that Aki and Pawpaw duo. The fair one – Pawpaw, I think. He caused quite the stir as he walked through the airport lounge. A stir with kids. Yes, children! Children were the ones swarming around him for snapshots. Haba now! How would it look if I got in on all that kiddies’ action? I just can’t.

And Kate Henshaw…I actually walked past her on my way out and she was headed in. And then I heard that her trademark laugh, and was still busy doing a double take, while some second-in-command was ushering her speedily towards the escalators. Nothing short of me running and shrieking after them would have gotten me a picture with her.

And when D’banj came to catch his flight, omo! If you see entourage wey surround this guy, ehn? I gave up any hope of a moment with him when I realized I forgot my farming tools at home, tools I would need to hack my way through the gathering to get to the Kokomaster.

Oh wait, Mike Ezuruonye too…the dude was in the Airtel stand (Where else? Shebi he’s their spokesperson now). And me ghan was right smack dab in the middle of attending to customers. Kai! When I saw him walking away toward the Departure Lounge, I imagined myself executing a slow motion Hollywood-esque mad dash across the space toward him, shoving past obstacles and screaming: “MIKE, WAAAAAIIIIIITTTT!!!” It was all such a blockbuster in my mind when I thought about it.

And then Stephanie Okereke-Linus… I was on my way to the Gents when I spotted her, looking all delectable with her polished red fingernails and ruby-red lipsticked mouth. Sorry, Idahosa, but this really is an ode to your beautiful wife. But, erm…as I made a beeline for the actress, she adjusted in her seat, and I got a proper look at her face, and the countenance there was not encouraging at all. The expression was stony. Those eyes appeared to be saying: ‘Stay The F%#k Away From Me!” I respected sharp-sharpaly and righted my direction back to the loo. I just couldn’t. Before someone will use me and show the whole world the definition of ‘SNUB.’ And the airport was kuku full of people, people who will now come and witness my disgrace. So I went to pee and returned to my work station, and then watched with a broken heart as the superstar and her hubby waltzed off to meet their flight.

But, Diary, let me just tell you this, if Genevieve Nnaji or Omotola should venture cross my path here, ehn – Hmm, no army of Philistines will keep me away from my celebrity moment with them. People tell me they are super-snobs. Darris their consine. I’m a super-determined, super-crazed and super-smitten fan of theirs. So Fate, do your work and bring them into my hemisphere. My photo album is still looking pretty thin without them in it.

I am @Walt_Shakes on twitter

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About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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37 comments

  1. I’m a celebrity too, come lez take pishure 😉

    • shakespeareanwalter

      What movies have you acted, songs have you sang, clothes have you designed, fashion shows have you catwalked for?
      Please fill out the form above and submit for us to consider you fit for celebdom.

  2. Hahaha Walter! You’re damned so funny. I’m something of a celebrity snub sha. I really wouldn’t give a damn even if one is standing next to me, talk more of asking for a picture. Cars will run on water first.

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Yes, I have a colleague like you. I mean, warrahell is you people’s problem? Why on earth don’t you get giddy with delight at the sight of celebrities? Una well at all?

    • Warrahell is d big deal about them? Shebi dy b humans like us. If na actin, l have done over 100 movies and sang thousands of songs(in my healthy mind). I gbadun u jare Evans. Like the other day l saw Peju Ogunmola and l was wondering why the person beside me was smilin too widely…tongue out @Walt. Keep snapin sha, l love photography

  3. I really should take my love for pictures more seriously, abi now???my moment could be here anytime,who knows,

  4. Laughing so hard n fell off my seat!!! Walter! Na wa for u o. Ok, me sef go helep u to dropu prayer request for prayer warrior departumentu, enugo?

  5. Warrahell is d big deal about them? Shebi dy b humans like us. If na actin, l have done over 100 movies and sang thousands of songs(in my healthy mind). I gbadun u jare Evans. Like the other day l saw Peju Ogunmola and l was wondering why the person beside me was smilin too widely…tongue out @Walt. Keep snapin sha, l love photography

  6. This is a very hilarious piece, Walter. Good luck in your quest to filling up that photo album of yours but I kinda expected that you’d at least give us some scoop, by displaying on this glorious page the pictures you’ve taken thus far. How ’bout it? Give us something to feed our eyes on, will you?! Steph’s ‘zero-diva’! The next time you see her, even with her ‘mess face’, furiously screwed on, dude, take a chance! She’ll give you an audience, she’s a dear. Good luck with Omo-T and Genny o…….coughs, that’s all I can say. I reserve my comment! *straight face*

    • shakespeareanwalter

      You know, I thought about attaching them photos immediately after I posted. Oh well… So Genny and OmoT, and you’re coughing eh? Issorait. I already have good luck on my side. 😀

  7. All u need do is ask.. We no dey oyibo land where celebrities re constantly follwed by papparazi. Down heree people most atimes don’t even care.. So encountering a craze headed fan is good for their soul and ego too

  8. To be honest, i respect my self when i see these guys unexpectedly. Imagine the number of people who ask them for shots every single day. I only ask to take pictures if i actually meet them at events.(ie the ones i really admire). even at that, i still dey look face before i ask.

  9. STAAAAAAANNNNN TINZ!!! 😀 How can they not give Walter Uche a moment? Eh? Bhet why?

  10. I laughed. I actually laughed at this entry. 😀

    Good one Walt.

  11. Walter my good friend, here’s my own piece of advice: get your camera and dial my digits. I have all the remaining celebrities here (me)…

  12. I will put in you prayers…especially about genny, I hear she is still single. maybe she will add her cell phone number as well…

  13. You try to dey beg them for ‘pig-sure’, they come to me for ‘snap-shots’. Abegi, Walt, you sef na celeb o. (Atleast for your dream) lmao.

  14. I’m not a snob, I’ll smile with you and take cool pictures; as many as you want. Celebs like us don’t snub. Super friendly celebrity.

  15. Any celebrity that has not made any positive impact in my life I nor dey send am oh. I’d rather struggle to take pic sure with walter than with these Nigerian artiste, actors and actress. Make your head nor too swell sha.

  16. Waltz oooo…………… o ti fi erin pami (you aff murdered me with laughter)

    i Wish you well bro….it’s a general rule that those who are super determined and super crazed always get what they want and am pretty sure, Dear diary knows you are no exception to that rule.

  17. *laughs heartily*
    Gotten those wishes yet?…

    P.s; I know all about that disarming smile.

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