Ever since I got this gig at the airport, and realized that it was an environment peppered with the presence of celebrities (I mean, they have to fly, don’t they? Road travel isn’t their thing), I decided to make it one of my several life’s missions to acquire a digital photo album filled with snapshots of any celebrity I see. Don’t ask me if that will change the price of crayfish in the market. It won’t, I know. But it’s a quirk. I’m allowed to have them.
And so far, I’ve been doing okay. I mean, I got one with KCee, the Limpopo master. He’d come to my work station to rectify an issue with his line, and in between proffering a solution, I asked for a snapshot with him. He said yes. He had to, because who knows what I would have done, what evil shenanigans I would have carried out on his service account if he had said no. Hell hath no fury like a me spurned.
And then, there was Harrisong. He was so pleased that I straightened out his iPad issues that saying ‘Cheese’ with me and him in the same frame wasn’t a bother to him at all.
Oh, and Darey too. Now that’s a guy with star power. I had to get in line and wait for my turn to get a snapshot with him after some other giggly idiots. Please take note, Dear Diary, I was neither giggly nor an idiot. He may be Darey, but I’m Walter. I’m cool too. <adjusting collar>
In Mai Atafo’s case, I still can’t believe the guts I had when I asked him, considering he was fuming over the complaint he had tabled before me. But I guess there was something about my disarming smile and deferential attitude that made him break out in a grudging laugh and say, “Oya, let’s get this over with.”
But there have been misses too. Like the one-half of that Aki and Pawpaw duo. The fair one – Pawpaw, I think. He caused quite the stir as he walked through the airport lounge. A stir with kids. Yes, children! Children were the ones swarming around him for snapshots. Haba now! How would it look if I got in on all that kiddies’ action? I just can’t.
And Kate Henshaw…I actually walked past her on my way out and she was headed in. And then I heard that her trademark laugh, and was still busy doing a double take, while some second-in-command was ushering her speedily towards the escalators. Nothing short of me running and shrieking after them would have gotten me a picture with her.
And when D’banj came to catch his flight, omo! If you see entourage wey surround this guy, ehn? I gave up any hope of a moment with him when I realized I forgot my farming tools at home, tools I would need to hack my way through the gathering to get to the Kokomaster.
Oh wait, Mike Ezuruonye too…the dude was in the Airtel stand (Where else? Shebi he’s their spokesperson now). And me ghan was right smack dab in the middle of attending to customers. Kai! When I saw him walking away toward the Departure Lounge, I imagined myself executing a slow motion Hollywood-esque mad dash across the space toward him, shoving past obstacles and screaming: “MIKE, WAAAAAIIIIIITTTT!!!” It was all such a blockbuster in my mind when I thought about it.
And then Stephanie Okereke-Linus… I was on my way to the Gents when I spotted her, looking all delectable with her polished red fingernails and ruby-red lipsticked mouth. Sorry, Idahosa, but this really is an ode to your beautiful wife. But, erm…as I made a beeline for the actress, she adjusted in her seat, and I got a proper look at her face, and the countenance there was not encouraging at all. The expression was stony. Those eyes appeared to be saying: ‘Stay The F%#k Away From Me!” I respected sharp-sharpaly and righted my direction back to the loo. I just couldn’t. Before someone will use me and show the whole world the definition of ‘SNUB.’ And the airport was kuku full of people, people who will now come and witness my disgrace. So I went to pee and returned to my work station, and then watched with a broken heart as the superstar and her hubby waltzed off to meet their flight.
But, Diary, let me just tell you this, if Genevieve Nnaji or Omotola should venture cross my path here, ehn – Hmm, no army of Philistines will keep me away from my celebrity moment with them. People tell me they are super-snobs. Darris their consine. I’m a super-determined, super-crazed and super-smitten fan of theirs. So Fate, do your work and bring them into my hemisphere. My photo album is still looking pretty thin without them in it.
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