I very recently joined Instagram. (Yay me! If you happen to already be there, do follow @waltergem and I’ll follow right back). So once my account was up and running, in a typical newbie fashion, I started following all my favourite celebrities. And you know who the first one was? You don’t even need half a guess – Genevieve Nnaji! Immediately after following her, I navigated my way to her media, scouring and ogling her pictures, liking and commenting like a child who’d just been given an ice cream cone, and told to gobble it all up in seconds otherwise the cone would be taken away from him.
Anyway, so I happened upon one of her instagram videos, one where her partaking of the Ice Bucket Challenge was videoed. You know about the Ice Bucket Challenge, don’t you? It’s sometimes called the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, an activity involving dumping a bucket of ice water on one’s head to promote awareness of the disease, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) and encourage donations to research. It recently went viral throughout the social media. The challenge dares nominated participants to be filmed having a bucket of ice water poured on their heads and challenging others to do the same. A common stipulation is that nominated people have 24 hours to comply or forfeit by way of a charitable financial donation.
Okay, that’s enough background gist. Back to Genevieve. So I was watching her own video, watched as she started introducing what she was about to do, and mid-speech, a pair of hands behind her lifted the bowl of cold water stationed behind her and upended it over her head. The chilly content cascaded over Ms. Nnaji and she leaped to her feet, shrieking like a banshee. “I. Was. Not. Ready!!!” she screeched.
Oh puhleeze! *exaggerated eye-roll* All these celebrities and their over-pampered ajebotaism sef. If ice water thrown over your head is the game-plan for the generation of funds for ALS, then I have drummed up quite a fortune for the charity, aswear! All I need is a video camera and an audience and I’ll show them how it’s done.
In this past week, NEPA (or PHCN, or whatever they call themselves these days) decided that for whatever untold sins my neighbourhood has committed against the republic, they would no longer give us light in the wee hours of the morning. There’d be light all night, but just at the cusp of nighttime, that edge-of-the-cliff moment when dawn is about to start its journey across the sky, just before the annoying alarm shatters the finale of your dreams to smithereens and pull you forcefully from your slumber – right then is when NEPA will strike and take away their amenity.
In that very EARLY MORNING!
That very early morning, after a rainy night!
That very early morning that I have to get ready for work!
That very early morning when a bucketful of icy bathwater is waiting for me!
That is the moment when NEPA strikes, and renders me with no option but to start my day briskly by splashing iced water over my head. Before you ask, ‘Don’t you have stove to boil the water?’ you just have to know that I’m a typical bachelor with no kitchen equipment and little idea what to do in the kitchen. The housewarming gift a friend once brought to me which comprised of kitchen things is quietly collecting dust in a corner of my house.
And so for the past week, it’s been cold water baths every goddarn morning. So all these celebrities shrieking under the onslaught of iced water should go to a suitable stadium and take several seats abeg. #Yimu!
In other news, a couple of friends have started a different kind of Ice Bucket Challenge. And this one has nothing to do with ALS, which is not our disease. You know what our disease is? No, not Ebola; it’s Malaria.
This challenge is in support of the Prevention of Malaria in Pregnancy. Let us get the word out there. Get a video camera. Get a pail of cold water. Do the challenge. And nominate your friends. Otherwise, make a donation for the cause of Prevention of Malaria in Pregnancy, so that ITNs and Anti-malarials can be purchased and distributed to pregnant women.
I’ve been nominated. And the twenty-four hour clock has started ticking down on me.
Nigeria has a high mortality rate for Malaria in women and children. So let us do our bit to control it. So spread the word. The hashtag is #IceBucketChallengeForMalaria
I am @Walt_Shakes on twitter