Home / The Housewives' Tale / THE HOUSEWIVES’ TALE (Episode 37)

THE HOUSEWIVES’ TALE (Episode 37)

WRITER’S FOREWORD: I would like to take the Humour Colum writer-Chika Jones route and apologize to the dedicated readers of the Housewives series for my protracted absence from MMS. It was due to circumstances beyond my control, circumstances that have hopefully been resolved, enabling me to bring back to you all the drama on-going in the lives of Adaku and her friends.

I sincerely apologize for my hiatus, and I want to express my profound appreciation for the readership of the series. Walter informed me of how he had to go into Witness Protection from those of you who were hounding him for the return of the series. That is gratifying. Thanks a lot. By God’s Grace, we’re back to business!

On that note, here’s what happened previously on The Housewives Tale: Ijeoma begins making quick progress in her recuperation from her coma, even accommodating her friends Adaku, Chinwe, Mercy, and Mimi in her room for a boisterous catching up. The topic of what to do with Ada’s nemesis, Leticia comes up. And speaking of the she-devil… Ada goes back home in the company of Chinwe and Mercy to meet Leticia’s latest atrocity in her kitchen. Something finally snaps in Ada, and she gives Leticia three left-handed slaps across her cheek.

And now, for Episode 37…

*

The strength of the slaps sends Leticia spinning towards the door through which she walked into the kitchen. She hits her shoulder on the edge of the half-closed door, and in struggling to regain her balance, she jams the door shut with a loud bang that causes me to flinch and makes the door swing back open right away. She had fallen to the floor before the doorway, so, the door hits her foot on its way back.

I watch with icy detachment as Leticia cradles her right cheek with both palms. Her eyes flash venom at me above the redness creeping across the cheek.

“You slapped me?” she growls.

“Yes!” I scream. “And I will slap you again, if you don’t get up and get out of my house!” I jab a pointing finger outward from the kitchen to underscore my threat.

“How dare you slap me, you bitch!” she snarls, now rising up from the floor.

“Who did you just call a bitch?” I roar, incensed. Even before the words are entirely out of my mouth, I charge towards her, my anger surging through me like a tidal wave.

But she moves too fast. Before I can get a-hold of her shirt, she strikes my forehead with her open palm.

“Jeezuz!” I scream, spinning with the force. Flailing for support, I grasp the kitchen cabinet in time to prevent me from falling down. I clamp down on a sudden bout of nausea that hits me from nowhere, while attempting to steady my spinning vision. Then, out of the periphery of my sight, I see something move.

I turn immediately, but I am too late! Leticia had lifted a damaged mop-stick, the stick which I usually lodge inside my broom in order to clear cobwebs; she hefts the stick like a cudgel and aims right at my head. My whirling movement saves my head from the strike, and the stick lands instead on part of my shoulder. I yelp in pain, as she lifts the stick again. Her expression is crazed, and she screams as she wields the stick again. I side-step and she hits the stick on the floor with such force that it splits in two, one part flying up and connecting with my calf, bruising the skin.

I scream again and bend down to inspect the damage done to my leg. She rises to her full height, wielding the remaining short stick in her hand. She lashes out at me with it. The blow connects, and I yelp. The pain short-circuits into fury, and I grab the ladle on the kitchen counter, moving very fast toward her and hitting out at the side of her head. It is her turn to scream in pain, and she raises the stick to hit me again. Moving very fast again, I fend her off, knocking the stick off her hand. She snatches at the pot containing the burnt fish, and sends it flying in my direction. I duck and the pot crashes on the window protector and lands on the floor, charred remains of the fish scattering everywhere.

“What the…” Chinwe’s voice comes through the kitchen door. It takes her two seconds to take in and surmise what is going on. “WHAT THE…?” She screams the words this time, just as Leticia grabs a kitchen spoon and takes a swing at me.

Chinwe darts inside the kitchen and gives Leticia a hard shove from behind, making her drop to the ground in a crouching position.

“Are you mad?! Are you mad?! Are you mad?!….” Chinwe screams over and over, punctuating the word ‘mad’ with a kick to Leticia’s rear. With each kick, the other woman cries out and drops further down to the floor. “Are you mad?!” Chinwe yells again, this time kicking at Leticia’s leg as she lies prone on the kitchen floor.

Breathing fast and wincing at the pain on my shoulder and head, I lean downward and flip Leticia around by dragging her by the shirt. I hunker down beside her, and holding her by the collar of the shirt, I pull her up to a sitting position.

“Listen to me, you sneaky bitch!” I spit out, my voice marinated with all the rage and hatred that I feel for her. “If I ever see your stupid legs in my kitchen again, I will cut them off! Am I clear?”

“You think –” she starts to reply.

Thwack!

My hand striking her face knocks off the rest of her response.

“Aarrgh!” she shrieks.

“It’s a yes or no question,” I hiss. “I said, am I clear?”

“If it were only –” she begins again.

Thwack! Thwack!

My hand lashes out twice across her cheeks.

“Eii! Ahh!”

“I said, am I clear?” I ask again, lifting my hand threateningly, confident in the knowledge that she will not dare retaliate, not when Chinwe is hovering behind me, eager to inflict some bodily harm on her.

“Yes! Jesus! Yes!” she screams, beads of tears streaming down her face, as she tries to wrest my fingers off her shirt.

Chinwe taps me from behind, indicating that I give her a turn. I let Leticia pry my hand away from her. But just as she is about to rise, Chinwe pushes her back down.

Then she leans forward, and thrusting her face, which is a mask of anger, toward Leticia, she seethes, “I have heard so much about you, and none of the stories are good. So, I’ll tell you how it will go from now on –”

Leticia cuts her off by blustering, “What is your business –”

Chinwe’s hand streaks forward and slaps the rest of her words back inside her mouth. Leticia shrieks in pain. Chinwe bends closer and hisses, “Don’t you ever interrupt me when I’m speaking to you. And I will tell you what my business is. When you mess with my friend, you mess with me. So listen very well to the new rules. Number one, I don’t ever want to hear that you came to this house for anything! Not even to see Ifeanyi. You guys should find another meeting point. Number two…there’s no number two.”

“You have no right to –” Leticia fumes.

“Shut the hell up!” Chinwe roars, reaching forward to shake her violently back and forth. The manhandling must have caused Leticia to snap her teeth over her tongue, because she whimpers, before lifting her hand to her mouth, but not before I spot a small trickle of blood seep through her lips, down the side of her head bruised from my blow with the ladle. I smile acidly, happy that she has something to show for our fight,

“Look at me very well,” Chinwe rails on. “You don’t want to find out what I can do to you, Chioma!” She spits out the name as if it is some kind of curse. When Leticia flinches visibly in reaction to her name, Chinwe continues, “Yes! I know you, and I know where to find you if you ever set a foot in this house again. Is that clear?”

“Y-y-yes…yes!” Leticia stutters her reply.

“Good, now, get up!” Chinwe says, standing and dragging her up with her. She doesn’t let her go as she drags the woman right out of the kitchen.

Mercy, who has been standing and watching the fight wide-eyed and dumbstruck from the doorway, scurries out of their way.

Leticia, upon realizing that she is being physically banished, tries to wriggle out of Chinwe’s grasp. “Let me change and gather my things! My phone…my purse!” she protests, dragging her feet.

“Ask Ifeanyi to bring them out for you later. You are leaving right now!” Chinwe says grimly, holding fast and hauling her out of the house and outside toward the gate with amazing strength.

I hurry to Ifeanyi’s room and pack up everything I recognize as hers. I move back into the living room to see Chinwe storming back into the house.

“What are those?” she asks, gesturing to the items in my hands.

“Her stuff,” I reply.

She snatches them from me, and begins to go through them – Leticia’s jeans, top, bra, her purse. She drops the clothes on the floor and snaps open the purse. Rummaging through it, she brings out two phones, a Samsung android phone and a small Nokia. She returns the Nokia into the purse, and drops the Samsung in her own jean pocket.

“What are you doing?” Mercy and I ask in unison. I flick a momentary look at Mercy, who I hadn’t noticed had come to stand beside us.

“What you should be doing,” Chinwe says to me grimly.

Rummaging further in the purse, she produces two sets of keys, each in a different holder. One had a bunch of several keys, while the other contained one single key with three holders.

“Isn’t this your house key?” she asks, brandishing the single key.

“Let me see that,” I say, stretching out my hand. She drops the key in my palm, and I inspect it. “Nope,” I say.

“Are you sure?” Chinwe asks. “There’s a possibility that she has had a spare cut for her.”

“There’s a simple way to find out,” I say, turning toward the front door to check the key out. I slip the key into the keyhole, and – Click! – it turns perfectly in the lock.

“Ah!” I exclaim, astonished. “It’s my house key oh! Okwa ifugo?”

“I guessed as much,” Chinwe says in a crisp tone. “Keep your house key.” She picks up the clothes, and together with the purse, she marches back outside to the gate. On the other side, Leticia is banging and swearing furiously at us.

Just then, a sudden wave of nausea hits the centre of my head, and dizziness sweeps through me. I stagger backward, flailing a bit until I find a sofa to lower myself into.

“Are you okay?” Mercy asks, coming close enough for me to see the concern shadowing her face.

Unable to talk, I shake my head, gasping slightly for breath.

“Sorry,” she says, for want of any other thing to say.

I place my head gingerly on the sofa backrest and close my eyes.

“Why did you take her phone?” Mercy says.

I open my eyes. Chinwe has just walked in again.

“I returned it,” she answers. “She locked it with a password, so I couldn’t access it for the information I wanted. Are you okay?” she directs at me, her brow furrowing.

“Yeah,” I say, sitting up.

“Did she injure you?” Chinwe queries, the anger rising again in her voice.

“No injury, just body pains,” I say, shaking my head.

“Sorry, dear,” she consoles. “But trust me, that girl will not come here again.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, uncertain.

“Did you see her face when I called her ‘Chioma’? If that wasn’t a ‘scared shitless’ face, then, I don’t know what is.”

“Ok o, let me believe you,” I say, leaning back again on the sofa.

“We will help clean up your kitchen,” Chinwe offers.

“We will?” Mercy cuts in immediately, glaring at her.

“Yes, we will,” Chinwe maintains, glaring back.

It was a few seconds of glaring war between my two friends, before I said wearily, “Guys, please, don’t bother about my kitchen. I just need someone to pick up Gabby and Nuella for me.” Turning to Chinwe, I ask, “Shey you can drive?”

“Of course, I can!” she says, beaming.

I hand her my car keys and Gabby’s ID card. “Help me collect Nuella’s own from the gateman on your way out.”

“I will soon learn how to drive too,” Mercy begins, refusing to be the odd one out. “You know, my boyfriend has been disturbing me to go and learn how to drive, so that he’ll buy me a car. He says that a big girl like me shouldn’t be trekking –”

“Yeah, yeah, tell me all about it on our way!” Chinwe shuts her up with an eye-roll.

I chuckle as they both leave the house, bickering good-naturedly.

“Where is Ifeanyi sef?” I wonder aloud as I listen to the sound of Chinwe driving my car out the gate.

Written by Adaku J


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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32 comments

  1. #adrenalinerush

    Wallahi, Chinwe is my. New role model!
    Welcome back Ada!

  2. Deliciously sweet. The best episode on this series so far.

  3. Oh this episode gave me life! Always a pleasure when the enemy is taken down a peg or two, with three slaps or more. But Ada, be on your guard o. That bitch Leti-Chioma doesn’t seem to me like one who’ll go quietly.
    Abso-frigging-lutely delicious episode!
    Welcome back.

  4. This is something she should have done a long time ago. That bitch needs it and even more. Imagine that classless,stupid gurl with her gutter infested mouth talking to Ada like that. Heaven knows I won’t take that shit,that body massage was just needed. #winks#

  5. Eiya I kinda feel sorry for Leticia… She deserved it though.

  6. Chaiiiiii, we waited and waited for this. It was very interesting though….but don’t take this since long a hiatus again, please oh. I have virtually been checking this blog 5x everyday since your last post… The other is ‘Corper’s lodge’. We are also seeing a long wait on that…

  7. Oh Leticia learned today. GIRL FIGHT!!!

  8. Where the heck is Ifeanyi now Leti-Chioma needs him most?
    Can’t stop being happy with this episode. But wait o, is Ada pregnant?

  9. ah finally I can pop that leticious champagne and drink to my fill. ada comes back in grand style, thank God chinwe and mercy were there to see for themselves. where is ifeanyi sef? why would he give her a copy of the house key?

  10. Now I can relax and take a breather!
    Welcome back Adaku. Missed you like kilode!
    And this episode next to IJ being alright, is my best ever! Kai, I so love what was done to that God for nothing Leti-Chi.
    *In Mandy’s voice* Abso-friggin-lutely delicious episode!

  11. oh my God!!! Awesome episode. D girlfight was so awesome mehn! Leti-chioma, good riddance. Can’t wait for the next episode. Ifeanyi go vex!!!

  12. She’s supposed to drop double episodes as make up for the absence

  13. Eh eh eh eh……Bestest Episode ever! Adaku ur welcome back make sense, Girls Fight *me likey*

  14. Na me happy pass…yeye Leticia

  15. Another cliff hanger. Hope this doesn’t mean that u’ll disappear on us again o! I felt that beating in every part of my body. I really hope letichi learns to stay away from the family. It’s going to be a showdowns epic proportion next episode. I can’t wait
    P.S welcome back, I’ve missed u like cray

  16. … Showdown of epic….

  17. Leti-Chioma ntoo! Chinwe a ka eji nma bejisie gi ukwu. You no dey fear face? Great episode, I like.
    Ada is preggers, Ada is preggers!!

  18. The leticia girl must be raving mad coming into another woman’s house and be doing oga madam …not to talk about kitchen ! HIAN>>>if u do any how in my mothers kitchen fah she can descend on you…not to talk of an umarried annonying GF…TANZ A BUNSH CJINWE

  19. Ghen Ghen! Talk about everyday being for the thief and only one for the owner. Lol. Menh that Leti-stupid’s got guts from only her knows where. She get luck shaa. Na bundle am outside totally naked person like me for do am with my friend’s help of course :P. Really cool episode please make the next much longer to quench our thirsty throats abi eyes ni

  20. This was really a powerful episode, i loved the drama do much that I had to go back and read all the previous episodes I’ve not been following. Nne so it takes an absence to come back with a bang? I’ll be following this piece from now on, really enjoying it.

  21. firstlady Temidayo

    Ehnehn. Ntoiiiiiiiii…. Leticia goes to school… Lol. I would av done what Ada did if I was in her shoes too. No time. I hope episode 38 doesn’t go on strike o. Ehnehn. Walter… Omo to make sense. Thanks for the twitter alerts so far. I promise to buy Bobo and popcorn for you.

  22. The physical molestation of any girl diminishes me… even a Leticia.

    Welcome Nwannem, thumbs up, up.

  23. I loved the kicks Chinwe dished her. Leticious anuofia. Erratic she-goat. Ps. Welcome back Ada.

  24. The way i will go to bed with that wonderful smile that shows”all iz well”.Chai.Negodu anuofia opening mouth and daring to fight back.She get luck say i no dey there.I would have rearranged her with broom to beat out the ekwensu in her.Mtcheew.Ada,may our Good Lord bless you for giving me so much joy.Ayam glad.

  25. Whoever sees Chiwe should please give her a kiss for me. She’s the definition of “wingman”. Friendship goals mehn…exciting.

  26. Everyone needs a chinwelike friend in his/her life.

  27. Wow,wow this is a tripple thriller! Chioma don enter

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