Home / Visitor's Corner / THE DADDY DIARIES (Entry 2)

THE DADDY DIARIES (Entry 2)

One thing you’re not prepared for as a new parent? The right diapers for your child. OK, some oversabi parents would try to prepare you, telling you the right brand to buy, the right one that can hold all the poo-poo in and probably the right one to give your baby a little electric shock whenever he or she pees – potty training the German way, I presume. You might not be prepared, but buy you must anyway.

When my son was born, I didn’t have to bother about that, because the diapers came easy. Friends and relatives brought them as gifts, sort of like the three wise men bringing gifts to visit Baby Jesus but instead of three wise men, they were more than 50 mixed intelligence humans. Instead of Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh, it was diapers, diapers, and more diapers. For close to six months, I didn’t have to worry about the diapers, brand, colour, size or the kilowatts of electricity packed in the German diapers. Oh, such glorious six months of sweet ignorance. So oblivious was I to the diaper situation until I heard the following words:

“Anyi, please when coming back, pop into the supermarket and buy diapers.”

The first time my wife uttered those words, I felt she was high, groggy, sleep talking or all of the above. Surely the Fort Knox of diapers stacked at the back of our bedroom door couldn’t have finished? How much poop and pee can one child have passed out?

Well, it turns out it’s quite a lot, like really, really a lot. You know that sentence a lot of people utter, that one about babies only sleeping, eating and pooing? Well, it’s true. Can you believe that? It’s actually true, go figure. If you think you’ve got diapers stacked in a 30ft container, hoping it would last you 2years, I give you six months tops.

Out diaper hunting I went, and trying to prove my worth as a father that’s manly and at the same time, slightly domesticated, I didn’t want to disappoint.

I FAILED!

I came home with a diaper brand that though was the best, based on “popular demand”, was not the right size. It was slightly bigger, and the way it drooped when my son wore it, made him look like he was dragging around an extremely large ball sack or an unusual large amount of poop. Now I think about it, I should have kept pictures. Nothing like letting your son know, eighteen years from now, how much power you have to make him look uncool.

The second time around, I was prepared not to make mistakes. I was going to buy the right brand and on the right budget too. I was going to get the one that would fit him just right and add a little bit of baby sexy to the mix. I was going to be hailed as a loving father and husband who knows the size of his baby’s diaper. Oh how wonderful this would make me feel.

I shoved that fantasy aside as I took my wife along for the diaper shopping. Best to leave this to the professional.

Written by Anyibaba


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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36 comments

  1. Anyi o!!!! LoL…

  2. German potty training!! Lol!! Anyi eh! This is funny, witty brilliant writing. Well done, dear!

  3. I’ll just be loving @anyi_baba and his diary from this corner…Good morning walter

  4. Hahahahahahahahaa!!!
    Husband, seest thou the superiority of thy wife. Father, knowest thou when to bow to the all-encompassing knowledge of the mother.
    I swear that scripture is in the bible. 😀

  5. Lol……so so true

  6. Good read. We actually need that German potty trainer.

  7. Lol! Now you have an F9 in the pampers purchasing department. Hehehe.

  8. I really like this Daddy Entries kini. Can’t wait for the next episode in 10 months time

  9. lol, thank God you were humble enough to leave it to the professional. If not, you might have bought a tight smaller sized diaper all in a bid to get a sexy diaper

  10. Lol. A very entertaining and refreshing write-up I must confess. hehehehe. Anyi, you’ve made my morning. Walter, Thanks.

  11. Adeleke Julianah

    I can imagine the diaper dragging scenario. Hehehehehe!!

  12. LOL!
    I saw a baby with a dragging diaper….i know for sure the Papa is responsible.
    Anyi, let the Germans catch you. 😀

    Flowing, witty, engaging narrative. I love it.

    • shakespeareanwalter

      ‘I saw a baby with a dragging diaper….i know for sure the Papa is responsible.’
      Just imagine! Can you just imagine this nonsense and condiments! Female chauvinism. mscheeewww

    • Eketi in the meantime, wiaris our remaining story?:|

  13. Had me laughing really hard.
    I remember the six cartons of Huggies diapers that came home with my baby niece. Wonder where they all are now. Anyway, they lasted about 20 months. Not bad.

  14. Hahahaha! Diaper blues…

  15. I can feel you bro. I have been there before.

  16. I can feel you bro. I have been there before. So sweet growing with our boys

  17. Taking Anyimama along….Smart move,Anyi. Very very smart. LMAO

  18. Good to know you are becoming a baby papa soon!

  19. Is it not just better to go back to the days of napkins considering the financial implication and environmental nuisance associated with diapers?

  20. Thanks guys for reading and sharing this journey of fatherhood with me

  21. Pauline 'Lina' Ife

    “Anyi, please when coming back, pop into the supermarket and buy diapers.” lmao that really got me cracking up ; trying to imagine the sound. Of Nik’s voice and Anyi’s reaction when he heard that! I can’t wait to see X grow and read all these. Lol. Weldon Anyi. Good one!

  22. Hilarious and real…paints vivid motions

  23. Both you and Anyi *wicked glare*

  24. *singing in Don Williams’ voice. Welcome to my world…

  25. Hahahahahahahahahaha…anyi nicely put….amongst everything written abt babies…d sleep eat and poop part is the most accurate. .omg….the poop part I can handle..I mean once or twice a day..but d weeing. ..oh my d weeing..it’s like round the clock…oh well…thats parenthood for you. Bia, walter…are your boys frozen? Better get cracking

  26. Okay, I haven’t laughed this hard reading anything in a long, long time.
    Brilliant and immensely funny!

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