Home / Featured / THE DADDY DIARIES (Entry 11)

THE DADDY DIARIES (Entry 11)

A parent will dig through anything, bare clawed, to get to the truth. – Anyibaba, 2015.

Today I shall tell you a story about when my wife got a temporary gig with LAWMA. That’s right, the LAWMA you all know. Though in this case, it’s the Abuja Waste Management Authority. What are they even called? AWMA?

It was on a Sunday, regular Sunday as Sundays go. She had gotten our son dressed up for church, before proceeding to get dressed herself. As we were about leaving the house, our son stepped into the kitchen and then came back out. We didn’t think much of that. Why would we? It’s his apartment too.

We returned from church, lazed around till night-time. We were still up around 12am watching a movie when my sister-in-law called me. She was worried her sister had not been picking her calls. That phone call startled us into realizing that my wife’s phone had not been seen all day, and we were abruptly sent on a 30-minute phone hunt. We searched high and low, places we didn’t even know existed in our apartment. Nothing! The phone kept ringing when called, and that at least gave us hope that it was still in the house. If it’d been stolen, it would already be switched off. It definitely was still in the house, we were positive about that.lawma1

As you can see, we were dead wrong. Our son saw his mother’s phone as trash and subsequently threw it into the trash bag. That same trash bag was what we carried out of the apartment on our way to church and dropped off at the central collection point in front of the building. We left for church by 7:50AM but didn’t notice the phone was gone until midnight.

When it seemed all hope was lost on finding the phone, that was when my wife suggested we go search the trash bag outside. I dialled the number once more. The moment I saw something light up inside the bag at the same time that her ringtone burst out, I began laughing. She joined in. We laughed so hard, not necessarily out of joy at finding the phone, but because the whole situation seemed silly. Here was a woman who would not under normal circumstances agree to work for a waste management company in the department of refuse control. Yet, here she was, digging through rotting food, manicured nails be dammed.lawma2

This funny incident happened last year November. Thankfully, our son has outgrown that phase after weeks of close monitoring and fetching the TV remote, spoons, and phone chargers out of the dustbin as he threw them away. He soon came to realise not everything is trash. All is now fine, we can breathe easily, and our important things won’t keep disappearing.

Two weeks ago however, my wife found my deodorant in the deep freezer. A few days later, we discovered the house key in the deep freezer. A week ago, I had to buy a new laptop charger; the old one was neither in the freezer nor the trash bag. He has apparently found a new disposal unit, and we are totally clueless as to where that is.

PLEASE HELP US!!!

 Written by Anyibaba


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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27 comments

  1. Udegbunam Chukwudi

    ????????

    You guys are super duper patient oh. Mumsy for don beat this stupidity commot for person body tey tey.

    @Admin: I love the new layout by the way. It loads pretty fast and is free of clutter ?

  2. ???? Why are parents of nowadays full of Job’s patience, eh? In our generation, try this nonsense na. Just trayit. By the time my mama go don beat you finish, if you see her phone again, you’ll move in the opposite direction from it. Just imagine.

    • shakespeareanwalter

      My mother will just give you a ‘Chere ka nna gi lota’, and go and perch somewhere. Those words were the worst sentencing we could ever get from her as children. Chere ka nna gi lota.
      Wait for your father to come back.
      Kai! 😀

  3. Lolz… He’ll soon get to the hide and seek stage. Then its him you’ll be looking for.

  4. Lmao, Nky congrats on ur new job dear!!! I’m pretty sure AWMA is glad to have such a meticulous worker in their squad?…

    Chukwudi, no be stupidity o. All of dem na learning phases, and so long as it’s not dangerous to all around or it’s inexpensive, we’ve got no choice but to be super duper patient o.

    My daughter’s go-to hiding place at home is under one of the coffee table’s stools. Every morning as I sweep the parlour, I find all sorts; half eaten and discoloured apples, toys with chewed up parts, remote controls, spoons etc. And in d shop, its EVERYWHERE!!! Lol. We keep finding drugs under shelves or in shopping baskets or under d chairs or…EVERYWHERE!!!

  5. Fada Lawd save us o! And I thought I was going through it with mine! At least, he knows how to say “Daddy take!” when he thinks it’s something I may need like the remote or my phone! Lol!!!

  6. Lawd ha’ mercy!!!!! LMHO. X is the bomb!!!!!

    Diva doesn’t hide stuff. She flings ’em and breaks ’em. I’m on my 3rd phone post Diva. Well, i cry, chin up and clean up the mess. Then somewhere in between that routine, she gets a spank or two and life proceeds as normal. So, I think you got the better end of the deal. When she goes to the fridge, it is for juice and biscuits or bread. Girl sure knows what she wants. Lol

    Happy parenting…

  7. I know the new hiding place. How much are you willing to pay, Anyibaba and Anyimama?

  8. He is a a discerning child . I am certain, if it was an IPhone he would have kept it safe.??????

  9. ????????????apprehensively!*kai,this boy fit start him own tomorrow*

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Hahahahahahahaa! Someone’s having hypertension before she has a valid reason to get hypertensive.

      • Walt,I gots to be wary!just today,he threw my iPod to the ground!with all intent!!and he looked cutely defiant!he was lucky though,the iPod has lost some value to me,but I for put am up for adoption if na my iPad!kai,collateral sef for that house ayam eyeing in lekki.him papa know nah

  10. Hahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha ? ? ? ? ? ? ?! Daddy and Mummy, thank you ooo. AWMA shall promote you both soon. Lol!

    This layout is beautiful, Admin. I want to live here now.

  11. Check under the bed, if there is space under the fridge, check. Also check in between window frames, inside his clothes box, his personal drawer, his school bag etc, speaking from experience after three boys…… You know ba?

  12. Lwkmd! I would have suggested that you check the toilet, but a laptop charger is too big for that. I know a child that attempted to flush a cup and shoe. Then my son once helped me keep my car key in a cassette player. If they don’t watch out for us, who would. He’s such a sweet boy, helping mummy and daddy to keep their stuff.

  13. Hmmmm u can never tell the length they can go…. My son once went to sch with our remote control. When dad wanted to watch telly, my sitting room reminded me of EBSU war zone. My fone was changed becos my baby girl felt it was outdated and decided to throw it into the toilet. You just need to see me dipping my hands into the toilet. Just when I finished, the next thing I received from her was a big hug and a smile and she left me with this feeling of should chop the ear,cut off her hands or pretend all is well? Parenting really is not a day job but am enjoying it.

  14. Watching them grow is really exciting, it’s things like this that you remember And you just want them to be toddlers again.

  15. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
    I love that boy! ? ? ? ? ? ?

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