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THE DADDY DIARIES (Entry 1)

FOREWORD: I finally got a great friend of mine and constant visitor of MMS, to contribute to the blog. Not just contribute this one time; he’s starting a column. It’s NOT going to be weekly o, oh no. He made sure to make me tell you guys that. Why? Because after reading this first entry, you’re going to clamour for more.

That’s right! Anyibaba has penned something for MyMindSnaps, and it is both good and hilarious. Read below and enjoy. Oh, and don’t forget to let us know your thoughts in the comments section.

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Hello, son, your mother sent me a picture of a broken mug – my broken mug. Apparently, you have broken yet another mug. I’m thinking of disciplining you with the rod when I get home, but no, I won’t derive satisfaction from that. It won’t be fun. Spare the rod and spoil the child is so old school.

So here is what I’m going to do. I’ll have to write down the items broken and the cost. This mug, the two glass cups, the two ash mugs. Remember your mother’s bead necklace you pulled from her neck and scattered all over the floor at a wedding? Well, I’m writing that down and adding the cost of the humiliation she endured. My phone chargers and headsets? I’m adding those ones too. Your mother’s earrings you derive so much joy from pulling and tossing aside? Your bill just went up.

There are more I’ll remember soonest and more things you’re going to destroy in the future. So my advice to you? Be a lawyer or an accountant. Bring your A-game to the negotiation table, because when you get a job and collect that your first pay-check, I’ll be the person at your door, presenting the bill. It would be fun and entertaining to watch you stutter as you unfold the bill, watch it roll down to your feet, onto the front porch and stop at the driveway. That’s right; your bill is going to be long, so your paycheck better be fat.

Your mother is going to be the judge, and she is expected to be free, fair and impartial in her ruling and the awarding of damages. You are hereby advised via this post to stop with your cooing, laughing, smiling and making of those soft baby eyes you always give your mother. Your interactions with her shall now be videoed and monitored. That’s right, I’m on to you.

Should you go ahead to try and still win her to your side, know it won’t be an easy task. I’ve had over seven years of wooing her under my belt, seven years before you came along. I’m pretty sure I’ll still be able to turn on the charm. Tough break, son, my smile trumps yours.

Please bear in mind that inflation shall be taken into account when the final bill is presented to you, that full bottle of bleach you poured all over the bathroom floor can’t still be 200 naira many years down the line. Once again, being a tough lawyer or accountant would come in handy for you.

Finally, go ahead, son, let loose all over the house, play with your toys, smash my phone on the floor, pull down the game console by the wires, tear apart my paperback novels and keep pulling mommy’s weave off. I’ll just be in the corner, telling you I love you as I make yet another entry of your destruction into my dairy.

Written by Anyibaba


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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41 comments

  1. he was right, i want more. thanks for sharing walter

  2. he’s right, i want more. thanks for sharing walter

  3. Hahahaha. Anyi has lost it, and I love it 😀 X had better be ready. A father’s gotta do what a father’s gotta do. LOL

  4. It’s still “spare the rod, and spoil the child” for me.

  5. www.theinkheartblog.com

    Lol, seriously???! Jealous daddy *tongue out* but this is a nice idea… I have to start compiling lists of things my sister took from me so I can add it to the bride price…

  6. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Heu! *clutches stomach, breathes, then resumes laughing*
    Hahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahahahahaha….[to infinity]

  7. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
    Yeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!!!!!! So so hilarious, but truly on point! Lols
    And Anyi is right. We sure want more!!!

  8. Good one Mr. Anyi

  9. I think, I wanna write a hilarious reply to this. In my mind, what I think Anyi’s son would be saying. Lol

  10. This is funny and cute..lol

  11. Hehehehehe! I’m sure by the time the father adds everything even one month salary won’t be enough to pay for them

  12. Okay. You said this won’t come in weekly, right? So it’s a daily entry, hmm? Thank you jare, you are far too kind!

  13. Eheheheheheheheh…this papa is one of a kind…m

  14. Oh my gush!! Anyibaba is at it again *rotfl* I bet Nik will certainly be ‘a fair Judge’ not with all the love and endearment she’s got for her son. Ohhhh anyi am waiting to see ur son’s reactions some day lols. Chi m ooooo

  15. Wait till he learns how to hold mummy’s face and say ‘awawuu’ (babynese for I love you). Wait till he saves up his lunch money to buy materials and make mummy tie and dye, wait till…. in fact, wait. You think you have charm, okwa ya? Jukwaa ese. Dazall

  16. Don’t worry much. I’m sure your daughter will be on your side.
    Thank goodness the bleach went to the bathroom floor and not his mouth.
    Nice piece

  17. Daddy is being vindictive. Here my reply: dad, for all those toys n ice cream u refused to buy, I hope u saved d money cos wen u old n need some pocket change imma ask u to use that. Pls do endeavour to invest it now cos d returns u wld get in future wld go a long way in sustaining u. So Pls keep denying me these pleasures, I’m taking notes too. Dad!

  18. I died reading this, it was solo hilarious……sorry bro youre fighting a losing battle, mummy will definitely be biased….that’s if the lil guy doesn’t kill you with cuteness first.

  19. That was so on point. Wao. The part about the length of the bill got to me. I love comedy. Thumbs up Anyibaba. Thank you Walter.

  20. Simply hilarious! all ye sons, hmmm…get ready o

  21. X don buy market! Gehn Gehn! Diva oya kwa! You Berra fall in line behind him. Ya papa no go save you o! Lol.
    Nice one, Anyi.

  22. Driveway!???? Anyi,u wicked o! Haba!! LMAO!!!

  23. LOLS… very apt…oh the many “beautiful destruction ” of a baby
    lemme add one : The dinner table cloth u pulled down that sent the flower vase crashing to the ground…oh and all the vomiting u did on mom”s work clothes while she was burping you.

  24. I pity the little man o. O boy just grow up to be an accountant and pay off the infinite debt or be a lawyer and defend your case fiercely stating that you were a minor when these alleged “crimes” were committed and remember to often tell your mum how much you love and cherish her since dad forgets to easily do this and you are in the clear. Anyibaba pele you haf loose the case.

  25. Obiakpo popsy…chai.lol. But come oh, maybe fathers think like this oh. Even if just once in the entire time a son takes to grow up and flee the nest, a father could think like this…huh?

  26. Haha. Hahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh no!

  27. This story is hilarious! But I wonder if Anyi has paid his own bills…

  28. Lool. Innocent boy, if only he knew.

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