I can’t say I remember exactly how it started but on the night I just got home, slightly tipsy from alcohol, my brothers and I got into an argument about consent that left me going “What the fuck?”
You are on twitter and you see random people saying these outrageous things about rape and molestation, and you wonder how people can be so callous. But then you think, “They are strangers, so whatever.” And then you get home and it’s like, “In my house too?!”
I said to my brothers, “If you are halfway into a fuck and she says no, you should stop because whatever happens after is rape.” I even explained that this No is an emphatic No, not the No she moans while she’s pulling you in deeper or tightening her legs around your waist in a “cum inside me, daddy” way.
My brothers, who’d previously been anti-rape, went all up in arms with surprising speed and were like, “How can she be saying no after she has said yes before? She has to finish what she started!”
And I was like, “The fuck no, she doesn’t!”
“Then why did she say yes in the first place,” they objected. “For her to say yes, then a part of her must still be okay with it.”
And I said what I assume blew their minds away from the ensuing noise: “Even if she cums after telling you to stop, you still raped her.”
“Ahn, ahn, IBK, come on! A woman came and you still say it’s rape? That doesn’t make sense.”
I laughed in derision because I really couldn’t believe I was having this argument with my brothers. “Guys, the point is she said no. She withdrew consent. The focal point here is consent. Whether she was wet or conceived a baby after, it is still rape.”
They were still looking at me weird so I decided to give scenarios. For the part asking why a woman would say no halfway during sex, I said it could have started to hurt or something. And I gave the example of myself, well, because I am out to them (a la gay agenda). I told them how I had been having bomb-ass sex sometime ago and it was so great, I came without touching myself. Then the sex started to hurt like a bitch and I told the guy on top of me to stop. But this nigga pinned me down and continued thrusting away and all I could do was grit my teeth and endure the ordeal. If that hadn’t happened to me, I am sure I would be on my brothers’ side on this (because I too am scum), but in that moment of endurance, I fully understood that the ignoring of my No was the ruin of what could have been a great fuck session and what would leave me with a feeling of self loathing and hate for the guy for a long time.
And that point, my younger brother said, “I see what you mean.” And he seemed to quiet down.
My elder brother however was still having none of it. He all but said that I wanted to cum and leave a brother hanging. That the body sometimes goes into autopilot mode when fucking and you just have to finish. To this, I sharply told him that if he has sex with girls like he is having sex with a flesh lite and not a human being, then he has a problem. Autopilot ko, smart cruise ni. Sex is between two people, and a decent human being does not forget that. Even if the girl begs to be abused and used, you should always ensure there is a safe word so the experience will be great for the two of you.
At this juncture, my brother reverted to cumming after saying no, and I asked him, “If a girl you didn’t like tied you down and worked her moves on you and you came, would that stop it from being rape?”
To this, he argued, “Since I came, it is no longer like that.”
So I flipped it. “If it was a dude and he worked his magic – forget magic sef. If he rammed your butt with an electrode that stimulates your prostate till you cum, would it still be consensual?”
“Erm, erm… But you need your mind to be able to cum –”
“Nigga, no! As much as sex is voluntary, it still has a reflex aspect to it.”
“Ehn, ehn! What if I reflexively can’t stop thrusting after she says no?”
At this point, my younger brother had gone to start pressing his phone and there I was, worried about my elder brother and why he thinks it is cool to keep going after a girl has said No. Just then, my mother walked in to ask us to tone it down since it was nighttime, and I realized I’d been arguing with boys about a matter that mostly affects women.
So we asked her and laid out the scenario to her (barring my own sexual experience because, even though she knows I’m gay, she still wants me to pray the gay away).
“As long as there was no consent given, even if it was after consent was initially given, even if she came or moaned like she was enjoying it, you have raped her,” she said flatly.
This seemed to end the argument. However, I took a couple of things away from the contention.
First of all, we need to drum this consent thing into the ears of the average youth and child so they don’t grow up thinking rape is only when there’s blood and a crying girl.
Secondly, from the way I flipped the script where the guy was the receptive partner, effectively silencing my younger brother, maybe – just maybe – all men, straight or gay top or whatever, need to be penetrated at least once sexually to understand that sex for the receptive person isn’t all rainbows and daisies. Maybe that way, the next time they assume no is yes, they’d remember how it can hurt like a bitch. Then again, they might like being penetrated and assume it must be the same for everyone.
After all, men are scum.
Written by IBK