I am grateful to be alive. I am also grateful to have a voice, one that I can lend to beautiful and worthy causes such as the betterment of the lives of our grandmothers, mothers, wives, sisters and daughters. My article which was ‘ingeniously’ titled ‘Husbands, Submit To Your Wives’ did not only serve to communicate a message, it also demonstrated a few things about human emotional and psychological response. Believe me, I was intrigued.
Let us begin with the choice of my title. A friend pointed out that its phrasing would repel the very persons for whom this message was intended, namely men. Even some of the ladies found the picture attached to the article disturbing. Haha! What you do not realize, my friends, is that by reading it, you participated in some sort of psychological experiment set up by my humblest of selves (ha-ha! Rubbish expression). And I do not think the title made some people uninterested in the article. If it did, that in itself so eloquently summarizes the attitude men and society has towards the idea of a submissive man. The title therefore would be sufficient to prove my point, making the rest of the article unnecessary.
Now, I want you to think about your emotional response to the title, the attached picture and even the article itself. This response of yours tells in one instant, a rich and fascinating story about who you are, where you have come from, what you have been made to believe or what you have decided to believe. Nothing like emotions is able to capture and summarize so fluently the thoughts, ideas and experiences, even of a life time. Your response demonstrates to you your keenness of thought, your ability to handle negative emotion and your degree of egoism.
Again, your first response to the article was unconscious, immediate and reflex. This entire experimental set up served to reveal your programming. You know how programmed robots act bah? They follow the programming without question and responses are immediate, unconscious and without thought. I am talking about your immediate response here. So what was your response? Think about it. I challenge you to distinguish for me the response that is genuinely and uniquely yours from that which you were merely conditioned to have by the culture of your birth.
Some people appreciated the article and some didn’t. My major aim was to communicate an idea I have held in my mind for a long time. I do not care for praise because human beings are so fickle. They could praise you today and curse you tomorrow. I would be the most miserable of human beings if my sense of self or well-being depended on anyone’s opinion about me, be it praise or criticism. If I seek praise, then I would be afraid to tell the bitter truth, fearing I would lose that which I seek. Praise is potentially dangerous because nothing swells the head or the ego like praise. When one becomes addicted or dependent on it, there is trouble because one would be stuck with doing not what is right or reasonable but that which appeals to the crowd. So I take praise but always with a pinch of salt.
I even prefer constructive criticism because if my critic makes a good point, then I can grow, learn and become better. Sadly, the harshest critics of my article were not constructive. One suggested that I must have been raised in a chaotic home and that is was the reason why I hold my particular perspective. Can you imagine! Heu! Diaris God oh! He went ahead to say how his dad was his hero. He became personal with his interpretation of the article and was obviously not being objective. Another person called me confused and said the ideas were muddled up. I did not bother to respond to these people because they obviously were committing the logical fallacy of argumentum ad hominem. If you are logical, only then do you deserve a response. Tenkiu!
My harshest critic said I was “a disgrace and totally bereft of knowledge”. He was the only person I responded to. I expressed gratitude for his perspective and said thank you. If he intended to offend me I am sorry to disappoint him. I was not offended. Rather, after reading his comment, I experienced an epiphany. Instead of anger, I felt joy. From that state of being, I could say THANK YOU. And I meant it. That epiphany funny enough will be the core message of my first book which I have decided to title “emotional transcendence”. Abeg I need more people to abuse me ooo! Anything for more book ideas! Lol!
I struggle to understand why any man would have an issue with balancing the scales in such a manner that would bring equal advantage to men and women. They fail to notice that a system that favours the women ultimately favours their own mothers, wives, sisters and daughters. Why would you fight an idea that brings benefit to your mother? Someone help me understand! How about all the women that will flow from your loins in subsequent generations? The world cannot be better than we make it. What is wrong with making this world better for our daughters yet unborn? It is common knowledge that men love their mothers and daughters ferociously. But at this moment, I really don’t know what to believe anymore since some are fighting to ensure that the status quo remains, especially considering how it disadvantages the breasts that suckled them and the womb from which they emerged.
Finally, at the end of the article, I apologized oh! I even explained the reason for my sarcastic, scathing tone which was employed deliberately to arouse attention. Not attention to me but to the points I had outlined. It was employed to force people to digest every word of the article and it apparently worked. It would be irrational of me to think that ALL MEN have large egos, are inconsiderate of women or are cruel to women. I was not attacking any particular man but was speaking to the prevailing culture. Why people come dey take am personal? In fact, there are some women who have larger egos than men and even beat their husbands. Just as there are good men, there are good women. Goodness has got absolutely nothing to do with gender. And to be honest, I really don’t care much about who should submit to whom in marriage. What I care about is love in marriage. Like I said, when love is perfect, the issue of submission will never arise. And for the dude who personalized the whole matter and perhaps felt I was indicting his dad, bro, biko camdan! I obviously wasn’t referring to your dad. No vex.
And no one should think I am on the side of the males or the females. I am nobody’s side. I am on the side of fairness, equity, superior logic and truth. The day e go climb my head to write about women, I will be equally or even more scathing. Lol!
Now can we all shake hands and be friends?
Written by Manny