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KISS AND TELL

If asked to name my hobbies, kissing would be one of them. It’s something I enjoy doing or watching on TV or reading about; I love the theory and practical aspect of it. I don’t make a habit of kissing anybody and everybody, but I’ve had my fair share of people I’ve kissed or people that have kissed me. And since they say gentlemen don’t kiss and tell (that’s what they say, isn’t it?), and I’m a lady, here’s my recounting of the kiss-periences I’ve had in my lifetime.

The first man that kissed me was my guardian in secondary school, who happened to be the Vice Principal Administration. I was just in JSS1 at the time. (Yes, it was child abuse) I had gone for one of the Saturday visits to the guardian’s house, and the man called me into his bedroom. As an innocent little girl, I had nothing in mind. So I went in, and he made me sit on his lap. And before I knew what was happening, he had his tongue in my mouth. It was very disgusting. (This is actually a dreadful memory, but I’m putting down all my kisses) His tongue just kept moving in and out of my mouth; I can’t remember how that ordeal ended, but it did end – with the kiss. I won’t get into the story of what happened after that, but the conclusion was that none of the people I told believed I was abused by the school’s VP, so I dropped it and decided to avoid the man.

The second person I kissed was my secondary school teacher. I had this massive crush on him but I tried not to make it noticeable. And I succeeded, because he never noticed. I got in touch with him after I graduated from secondary school. We became friends and started chatting about personal things. It’s not as creepy as you think; he had just graduated from the university and was waiting for his NYSC call-up letter when he started teaching in my school. Anyway, our chats turned intimate and I told him I had a crush on him and I still liked him. I even agreed to let him be my first kiss (Please, you didn’t think I was going to let that creepy VP be my first kiss, did you? EEW!) Anyway, when I finally had my so-called first kiss, it wasn’t what I envisioned. It was very disappointing, firstly, because he couldn’t kiss, and secondly, because I was no longer as attracted to him as I was before. I neither liked nor enjoyed the kiss.

The third guy was someone from my department I university, but one level higher than mine. He’s very good looking and very friendly, a lot of people liked him. We became friends, and during one of my visits to his place, we kissed. It was a very sensual kiss, the first kiss I ever enjoyed, and I couldn’t get enough of his lips. He was a very good kisser.

The fourth guy was my secondary school teacher-crush’s younger brother. I first met him during one of my visits to my teacher’s house, and he happened to also be in the same university as me. Back in school, he called and asked me to visit, and I did. It was there in his room that he kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back, because it felt wrong to me. I simply let him kiss me, and after a while, I stopped it. I must however admit that he does know how to kiss, even when I wasn’t reciprocating. I didn’t visit again after that.

The fifth guy was my brother’s friend’s brother. Well, he’s almost as good as the third guy. I always enjoyed his kisses, so no fault there.

The sixth guy was someone I met online that goes to the same school as me. He visited me one time in my lodge, and as I was seeing him off after the visit, he leaned in and kissed me. I didn’t kiss back, because the act came as a surprise to me, and he couldn’t kiss; he does more of sucking at my lips than kissing me. So yes, he’s a bad kisser.

The seventh person I kissed was this tomboy in football practice. During one of her visits to my place, she asked to kiss me and I agreed, because I was curious. I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss a fellow girl, and I have to be honest, it felt really good. I read somewhere that girls are good kissers and I agree with that. Anyway, she was a very good kisser and I liked it, but it was just a one-time thing.

The last person – well, so far – is Henry. You should know that out of all these people I mentioned, Henry is the only one I dated; the others are either just flings or onetime things. Don’t get me wrong; he’s not my first boyfriend, he’s just the first boyfriend I’ve actually kissed. I had my first boyfriend in JSS3, the second in SS2, the third in SS3, and the fourth in Year 1. Henry is the fifth. Unfortunately, he is the worst kisser of all my kisses. His kiss is more like the VP’s, but with more saliva. He is very bad at it. I tried to teach him, but he wouldn’t – or couldn’t – learn. Even when I tell him to let me take charge in the kissing, he won’t let that happen. The good news is we’re no longer dating. The bad news is I still like him.

So there it is, the kisses I’ve had my entire life. Too bad I’ve not found the one that makes my heart skip a beat or make my breath quicken or make my insides melt. But well, who knows…?

Written by Cassie


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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46 comments

  1. Look at me reading about someone’s kiss history. Writers wont kill me in this life. lol
    i love kissing though…who is up for a good kiss and knows how to o, with a soft lips that is

  2. Indeed the tale of a kissing tour…lols

  3. Kissing? What’s that? I will have to google it I think

  4. Wow….um…..yeah…..er…..this is much better than my crush list. lol

  5. Hehehehe……I like this!
    Kissing; My secret favorite hobby.
    Okay, kissing a girl…..I have had that experience, 200l, but I couldn’t stop spitting and brushing my teeth the whole day.

  6. Oh! Finally, I can comment on this blog again. Booking a mass for thanksgiving.

  7. Waves hand shouting *me me me* mind you I’m not the Henry in the story

  8. Lmao. What a detailed nd funny story. I kno how u feel sister about liking a boy who just can’t kiss. What of when ur boo has no clue as to what turns you on? My sista, I’ll exchange that for a bad kisser anyday! Lovely read

  9. Kissing is an art…..long may we find willing lips…..but always make sure your breath is fresh. Sometimes sha passion numbs ur senses to the halithosis….but not me.

    Cheers to the ones who waste no time in locking lips and treating them like ice cream cones!

  10. I can’t laff all this kissing you who is deciding whether someone is a good kisser or not hope you are amazing at it?

  11. All this bad kissers on this thread. Smh for you guys. *skips off to kiss my boyfriend*

  12. Ahh. Awesome piece! Like I always say, Gog bless that French idiot who invented the art of kissing.

  13. Ahem…… Cassie dearest, kissing as an hobby like seriously?! I dunno, I just dunno! I mean, having some guys burrow into thy mouth all gums, tongue, teeth and saliva at every chance they get?! Gross! LMAO!

    Henry’s a soppy, sloppy smacker that leaves a mess in his wake ei?! Yuck! *laughing* With all these extreme cases of bad smackers on your trail, I gotta wonder just how good a kisser you art Cassie! You know, if you’re that into Henry and you’re as good a kisser yourself as I’d desperately like to believe, then surely; you can take the ‘pains’ to point him in the right direction on how to ‘upgrade’ and become a master where the art of kissing’s concerned! How ’bout it?! *raised eyebrow* LOL

    The art of kissing surpasses the act in itself! Picture two hearts so deep in love, totally into and immersed in themselves; with a cascading of euphoric and rapturous feeling sweeping through their entire being as they lock lips and establish a bond so ethereal! In other words, kissing’s only worth the while when true feelings exist between the parties involved! My word! LMAO!

    Thanks for sharing and good luck finding the ultimate smacker who’ll knock your socks off and take you places unimaginable! Kudos! ROTFL

    • “Kissing is only worth the while when true feelings exists between the parties involved” I like that. I really don’t make a habit of kissing just anybody, I can be very selective and I’m a good kisser too. And thanks, I believe I’ll find the ultimate smacker, Lol

  14. Hmmm… kissing as an hobby? That’s something…
    That been said, I love kissing…a lot! lol

  15. Kissing!!!!!! Oh I love Kissing!!!!! Kissing sure is something I cherish. Yeah, it sucks when a guy can’t kiss you right…but if you lack fresh breathe, ha! Don’t even think abt coming near me! Gross, I’m too sensitive to bad odor/smells…

  16. Lip monger ooooo!!!
    Ok, where’s the door? #Flees!

  17. Ah there it is!! I was almost certain you’d forgotten about this Walter…

  18. Kissing kissing kissing.
    Kiss kiss kiss. Haven’t be previledged to come across a good kisser! *pouts*

  19. The art of kissing begins with fresh breath! That has always been a downer for me… But then, different strokes for different folks.. BTW, there’s no perfect way to kiss, just lock lips and let your emotions take control.. Have to listen to your partner though. Ok. #flees

  20. Kikiiki…
    See kiss journal o.
    I enjoyed it though. I didn’t realize there were good or bad kissers. Hmm…issalrait.
    *grabs kissing manual*

  21. Stay calm..
    The one that will kiss you well cometh.
    #believe
    #straightface.
    Lol

  22. All these people! Ya’v spoiiit! Lol. I have a strong feeling my list of lip smackers are longer than yours Cassie. But my baby boo beats them all…socks, jeans and pants down. Lol. Good luck in your search

  23. Whether you kiss like a chipmunk, chimpanzee or the french originator himself/herself, it doesn’t feel so bad if the parties are connected (doesn’t upgrade a horrible kisser to so-so though).

    I know a good kisser. Mail Joseph for more details. Sir Walter, I don’t need to pay for this advert, do I? *smiles*

  24. Ah, a kistory by a fellow kisspert! I do love kissing too. Enough to call it a hobby? Damn straight! I’ve come across girls ranging from sloppy wetters to downright face eaters. I have noticed, though this isn’t general, that the whole process can get sloppier as the passion builds and the two lose control.

    Dear writer, you can teach your love how to kiss if you have a mind to. All you need is gentle, patient guidance. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it, trust me.

  25. Good kisser, bad kisser, as long as you sabi the right spots, and u don’t spittle, game on…….*wink*

  26. Things writers write about, never will they cease to amaze me. Thank God am not one of them.

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