Some days ago, someone referred to me as pro-divorce.
“Eketi, you too like divorce, every small thing divorce,” she said.
My friends, let me tell you a story.
Sometime ago, I observed a curious thing. This thing happened at a nursery school, in a class of three and four year olds.
A little boy, whom we shall call Joseph, had a disagreement with a little girl, whom we shall call Mary. Suddenly, Joseph gave Mary a slap. Mary began to cry. The teacher called Joseph to order. Of course, the little boy nodded, then went back and hit Mary again. The teacher disciplined him.
Then the teacher called Mary and said, “Don’t play with Joseph anymore, since he likes hitting you. And if hits you again, stand up for yourself. Hit him right back.”
“Yes, Aunty,” murmured the little angel.
Some minutes passed. Joseph went back to talking to Mary. Then before you could say Afang soup, he slapped her. But before Mary could retaliate, Joseph suddenly did an about-turn. He enveloped Mary in a hug and began to apologise. Poor girl, she nodded and said OK.
Then he leaned back and slapped her again! And immediately hugged her, and apologised profusely. At this point, my jaw was just wide open.
As the confused girl was still trying to decide whether this sorry was genuine, he smacked her again. As he leaned in to hug her again, the girl went berserk, and proceeded to give him the brushing of his life. I tried not to laugh…and failed.
Tell me again that you’re staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of the children. See the boy above? He was just FOUR years old! Where do you think he learned that vile behaviour of beat-apologise-beat from?
This tag is as a result of my speaking out against domestic violence. Because I’ve often said and will still say, if your life is in danger from a man or woman you married, run for your life. Don’t raise kids in such a toxic environment.
The funny thing is, I have never advised divorce as the first option. Separation first. Then do all you can within that period to solve your issues. If symptoms persist like malaria, then run. Don’t stay there and be saying, “God is still in the business of healing broken relationships.”
Of course, He is. But stay away and let Him deal with it.
Two months ago, I heard a tale of a woman who’d been separated from her husband for a year, after years of chopping punches and verbal abuse. The man begged and cried and begged some more.
Then “they” begged her, in fact, ordered her to go back. “Go back to your husband… People are laughing at you… It’s a taboo to be a divorcee… Your husband is your pride as a woman…”
She went back. He threw her from the second floor of their house to her death.
“Dust to dust… The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh…”
The husband is still walking free. Instead of jailing the murderer, “they” are “handling it as a family matter.”
End of the story.
And you call me a divorce advocate?
Shame on you!
Written by Eketi Ette