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IN HER OPINION: Thou Shall Not Escort

“Escort me, escort me, na so slave trade start.” – Anonymous Warri Person.

“Be careful who you make your friend.” – My Parents.

Not so many years ago, when I was much more trusting, paid very little attention to my intuition, and quite stupid, I got into all sorts of trouble.

Like this one.

I had this friend who was being asked out by a much older married man. One day, she was going to see the man, who’d just come into town. So she said, “Eketi, please escort me to his hotel.”

Me, Eketi Escort Ette, of the kingdom of Escortia, First for her kind and Mumu of her clan, I didn’t ask questions. I ignored my misgivings. I said, “Sure. At least it will alleviate my boredom.”

And off we went, to see Mr. Married Boo.

When we got there, the man welcomed us so cheerfully and ordered food and drinks. He was much older than I’d imagined, like he was about to enter his seventh decade on earth.

I became uncomfortable. Eketi, you shouldn’t be here. What would your friends and parents say if they saw you now?

Moments like this, when you’re doing something stupid or bad, all sorts of wise sayings will come to mind, unbidden. Sayings like, “The true measure of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”

But I couldn’t leave like that. So I perched at the edge of a chair while they talked. Barely ten minutes after our arrival, my friend’s phone rang.

“Hello? Yes? I’m coming right way. Just wait for me.”

She hung up, turned to the man and said, “Sweetie, I need to dash home and see someone. Just give me thirty minutes. I’ll be back soon.”

“Ok, my baby,” he grinned. “My driver will take you there and bring you back. You can even bring the person along, if you wish.”

As soon as I heard we were leaving, I heaved a sigh of relief, picked my purse and…

“Eketi, where are you going?” my friend asked, looking puzzled.

“I’m coming with you –”

“No. Stay here with Chief. I won’t be long. Since his driver is taking me to and fro, it means I won’t waste time looking for a cab. I’ll be right back.”

To this day, I don’t know why I didn’t insist on leaving with her. OK, that would be a lie. I was 99.9 percent a people’s pleaser back then and didn’t want to offend my friend.

“Just hurry back,” I said, scowling.

She left.

Back in the room, Chief was busy with some documents. I occupied myself with watching all the bad and biased news on CNN.

Quite a bit of time had passed when Chief spoke. “What’s that your name again?”

“Eketi, sir.”

“Please, get me a beer from the fridge.”

“OK, sir.”

I got the beer, opened it and went back to my position.

I was staring at the TV when someone stepped in front of it. I looked up and died on the spot.

There was Chief, naked from the waist down, holding his penis and grinning at me.

My mouth went dry. Jaws slackened. Eyes threatened to fall out on the floor. Time slowed to very, very, slow pixel by pixel moments.

“Baby, do you like it?” he said, wiggling that…that old thing. “Will this be enough for you?”

I didn’t mean or want to stare, but I was in shock. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. He came closer, sat beside me, turned my face to his, put his hand on my breast and –


I instinctively slapped the man. Hard. His hand went to his cheek. He stared at me, shocked.

I broke out in a stream of words, all said in Eket language. Mind you, Chief was from a different part of the country.

I just kept saying, “Sir, mbok, kpuno idi afe. Bi mbad ubak afe nnyim itighe nim. Ideke se nkedi for aduro. Ku try try ndiseme ntekiang. Mbok, kpuno idi afe.” (Sir, respect yourself, I beg you. This isn’t what I came for. Keep your dirty hands to yourself and just don’t try any nonsense. Just respect yourself)

Mind you, I didn’t say all these with authority o, but with a shocked, pleading voice, and accompanying tears in my eyes. Because, seriously, even if I’d screamed, no one would’ve come. Chief was an Honourable member of a house or flat – I don’t know which – and his boys were outside.

Yes, I was stupid. Very stupid.

For some reason, Chief suddenly laughed, really hard and long. Said it was a long time since he’d met a learner like me. That abeg, abeg, abeg, he doesn’t like virgin drama. He will leave me o, before I start crying like a baby.

He got up and went back to his documents. I just sat there, shivering like a flag in the wind.

My friend returned a few minutes after.


Chief Escort.

Follow-Follow Sister.

Escorter of the Escort-Lackers.

Onye Obodo Escortia.

The Last Escort Bender.

That’s how my escorting career ended, and I parted ways with that girl.

Years later, I ran into a mutual friend of ours. I asked about that my friend.

“She’s a big madam now o. At least her pimping paid off.”

“Her what?” I screamed.

“She was a pimp nah. I hear say she even try to pimp you one time but you fall hand.”

Heu! Jeezorz! See my life?

This story could’ve ended differently, very badly. I know a lot of young people, girls especially, will read this update.

Sometimes, it seems like our parents and guardians are restricting us when they say we should be careful how and whom we go with to places. But they mean well. And it’s good to heed their words, so you can avoid trouble.

Be careful out there.

Some friends aren’t worth the tag.

Carelessness and stupidity aren’t virtues; don’t cultivate them.

Written by Eketi Ette

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. Eketi.
    Chief Escort.
    Follow-Follow Sister.
    Escorter of the Escort-Lackers.
    Onye Obodo Escortia.
    The Last Escort Bender.

    ????????? I just stayed here and died.
    I’m so relieved this story had this ending. Like you said, it may just as easily have had a different less favourable ending.

  2. I’ve been wondering why stories like this shouldn’t continue till forever…
    Fascinating something!

  3. It’s funny, but very true! I had a very similar experience. In my case he was a huge guy. Young too, in his early thirties i’d say. Towering about a full 6.3ft!!!
    Madam escort-tion (excursion) in my case, that’s how I followed friend o. The same MO, a phone call, I asked to go with her, she convinced me to wait, then she was gone. In my case she didn’t even come back, or I didn’t wait for her to…
    After about 20mins of waiting, Mr Giant had been on his pc and decided to go to the kitchen so that inner voice that tried to dissuade me from following initially, asked me to take a quick look at what giant man was doing. I did. It was porn!!!!!
    Fear of God then entered me. I ran back to d couch i’d been occupying, just before he re-entered the living room. Then I tried to sound brave but only managed to squeak out a ‘please I want to go, come and open your door’. Oh I forgot to mention that the giant pervert locked his door. He just stood up, calmly walked to his home theatre, put on some music, and turned it up to the max volume. I knew I had to fight my way out then… shit just got real. I started screaming, dude covered the distance btwn us in a split second and slapped my scream to and end. Small me, the slap nearly took my head with it, I plopped like a rag doll onto the couch. He picked me up like that and carried me to the room, threw me roughly onto his orthopaedic mattress, knocking the wind out of me… I just kept thinking to myself ‘he’s big, play along, accept defeat for now, when he lets down his guard, go in for the kill’. That kept me going.
    Then he started fondling me, I just kept begging him, saying ‘please nau, just let me go. I won’t tell anyone I promise’. Shedding hot tears at the same time. He just smiled and continued his business. He ripped my shirt open, buttons flying, and grabbed my boob. Kai! I saw fire then. I slapped him! He slapped me again. It was a game of slaps. But he was winning. So I immediately apologised. He smiled, and I could see then in his smile that he believed that he had broken me… oh I forgot to mention that i’d had some training in self defence. Lol. But my initial panic made me forget. I let him get into feeling my boob, then when I was sure he was enjoying himself, I grabbed his neck, placing both thumbs on his trachea and holding on with everything last ounce of fight, strength and spirit in me! I was going to die or not be raped! My thought back then. Lol. He slapped and slapped and slapped, but I held on, latched on like HIV to healthy human cells. Then the slaps changed to weak frantic efforts at prying my hands away. He was loosing oxygen. I was winning. I felt my strength rush through me like it never left. I started cursing him and his generation then. He managed to stand up, pulling me up with him, and then I immediately pushed him over and we toppled to the floor with me landing on top of him, my hands still on his neck. When he seemed within and inch of unconsciousness, I stood up and quickly started kicking him in d ribs, then scanned the room, found another laptop just close, I hit him across the torso with that. He just lay there trying to breathe. I quickly reached in his pocket, took the key, ran out of the room and locked him in. Then using the key I took from him, I opened his front door and ran out. I was too scared to go to his neighbours. I just wanted to go back to school.
    I hailed a cab, when the elderly cab man saw my state, he quickly asked me to get in. I did and told him where to take me to. He asked if he should take me to the police station. I refused. I needed to beat the shit out of my so called friend, so I called my twin brother, told him what happened and coincidentally, the girl was in her room in school. He went with his guys, picked her up and took her to his room. When I got there, they were all waiting for me.
    Imagine the rest of the story from here on…. my fingers hurt from typing. Morale of my story, be careful of the company you keep and trust.

  4. Haha haha hahaha. “Is this enough for you”. Eek!!!

  5. Like seriously, friends like enemies.

  6. Thank God it didn’t and badly. Eketius Escortius, last of her kind.

    Thank you for sharing such enlightening experience…

  7. Pauline 'Lina' Ife

    Cheii….wonders shall NEVER cease ooo. Keti babe thank God for you oo chief -escort lols and @Golden words have failed me indeed but I can imagine the ‘beating’. In her next life if anything like that she’ll borrow some morale. #nonsense

  8. I love the litany of Eketi the Escort…..the last escort Bender.

    I can’t stop laughing, but every word of destroying the spirit of escort, must be proclaimed at hill tops.

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