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IN HER OPINION: Don’t Marry If The Marriage Can’t Survive Without Children

Will this marriage go on happily if we are unable to have children?

If the answer is no, don’t marry him or her.

If the answer is yes, be sure that he or she means it.

Ask it again and again.

When you’re certain, then you can carry on (although this isn’t fool-proof. Some people lie, some change their minds later on. But at least let it be that you talked about it.)

Marriage was made for companionship, for the couple to have someone to lean on, someone to help wherever the other has a deficiency.

Anyone can reproduce outside of marriage, so I don’t believe marriage is mainly for reproduction.

Children are wonderful blessings, an added advantage in a marriage. It can be heart-rending when one can’t have them. But it is an advantage a marriage should be able to survive without, especially when the fertility treatments have failed and couple in question choose not to adopt or use a surrogate.

It is an advantage not everyone will have.

So before you find out his sperm count is zero and her fallopian tubes are blocked; before the painful and invasive fertility treatments, ask him or her if the marriage can stand without children.

Some marry for love and companionship.

Some marry for kids.

So before you say ‘I Do’, be sure that you and your partner are on the same page.

Written by Eketi Ette

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. While I don’t disagree with the premise of the article, the question of children is far more complex. There’s a difference between wanting children and not being able to have them.

    The real question is, are you prepared to go the distance with the marriage without children? Some conceive and have miscarriages, some have repeated miscarriages and no child comes. Some have repeated attempts at IVF that has failed every time. Or where the first child passes away in infancy. Is having a child THE most important thing in the relationship?

    It may be a less than common occurrence, but it gladdens me to hear of couples together 6, 10 or 20 years and then have their first child. It speaks volumes of the commitment of the people involved.

    The reality is, no matter what has been agreed on and discussed beforehand on minute detail, you don’t know what road your marriage will take you along.

    • I totally agree with your comment Noni. The challenges can even be more than one has envisioned. The least couples can do is talk about it and be sure that they are on the same page. People change and yet, some still keep to their words because of the I DO decision made.

  2. Pauline 'Lina' Ife

    Well said Keti babe. God has the final say in every marriage. Some go the extra mile of having children either directly or indirectly but if it was never God’s will then Such child/children won’t stay.

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