The Valentine season is here again. And as usual, there are many restaurants and lounges advertising Valentine packages and meals which will cost, on an average, an arm and a leg. Meanwhile, couples all over the world are planning ways to show love to their significant others on the 14th, so they can rest on all the other days of the year. Some of Nigeria’s future leaders are planning in earnest to spend all they have earned from the first of January on showing their love, while others plan to spend the day shuttling from one bae to the other.
For some of us, we plan to spend the day feeling lonely and sorry for ourselves.
The major issue most people face on Valentine’s Day is the issue of gifts. You find men couples wondering: What can I get for my partner that is expensive enough to look expensive, but not so expensive that it renders me homeless by June?
Well, I did some research on your behalf and came up with the following:
Don’t laugh please. Singlets are a very important item in every man and woman’s wardrobe, especially men. I bet you no man in Nigeria can currently go one week straight without wearing a singlet. So this is at the top on the list. You can buy those ones that are three in a pack for 1,200 naira. One pack is enough. Just add a little pack of detergent and your partner is set up for the year.
Perfume Or Body Spray
This is more than just a gift; it serves the purpose of making a statement too. Any of the smart collections will do, no point splurging on expensive perfumes, most body odors are immune to perfumes anyway. To add an element of surprise, you could simply get what most people know as ‘aboki perfume’; that stuff lasts forever. You may never need to buy perfume for your partner ever again. One disadvantage is that your partner may be dead and rotting in the next room, and you wouldn’t know.
Cover! The cover please! I see no point in buying anyone an iPhone as a Valentine gift. You are better off getting a piece of land in Mowe and presenting your partner with the C of O. But if you cannot, simply buy him or her an iPhone cover suitable for their phones. Why such things exist beats me. Are we really that desperate that we would go as far as passing off an Infinix phone as an iPhone? Really, people?
PS: If your bae ever uses this gift – the iPhone cover on another phone – that’s your cue to get out of the relationship.
A Box of Chocolates
You can never go wrong with chocolates. It is easily the best gift you can give. Like the wonderful saying goes: ‘If you are going to die young, why not die of diabetes?’ So please binge on chocolates. Buy your partner a box or twenty.
So, dear smitten ladies and gentlemen, the aforementioned is my own list. However, Ben Murray Bruce suggested a list earlier in the week. His list contained stuff like: Nasco biscuits, Innoson Cars, Shoes made in Aba, and – my personal favorite – a box of common sense.
Happy Valentine, Nigerians, and may your partner break up with you on the 14th. 😀
Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones