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HUMOUR COLUMN: Things I’ve Learned From Buhari’s Rule So Far

The past week has been revealing. Here are a few things the first few days of Buhari’s rule has taught me.

  1. Change is still scarce in Nigeria, in every way.
  2. Now we know why the former president, Olusegun Obasanjo named his book ‘My Watch’. That man is psychic on so many levels, that is why he has comfortably handpicked two presidents after his own rule.
  3. It is possible to buy a watch worth ten million naira from the milk and meat provided by 150 cows. Yes, I know you all think it is difficult, but it really is. Seriously. It just takes plenty of hard work, business acumen, calculation and cows that excrete diamond.
  4. Buhari has great genes. He must have been a lady killer when he was younger, figuratively and literally.
  5. All it takes to become a woman is surgery. And plenty of confusion.

Let’s stop there for a moment; I know it’s none of my business, but does North West now have two grandmothers? And is Kim Kardashian’s new baby going to be named South West?

  1. I really need to get a job.
  2. As the president of a country, you need a minimum of two dozen advisers. I guess that is why GEJ failed, and Buhari is on the right track. Yes, because the more advisers you have, the more people you can pass the blame to when things go wrong. The Press says, ‘Oh my God! Half of Nigeria has been blown off by Boko Haram. What were you doing, Mr. President?’ And Buhari goes, ‘Oh, it’s not my fault. That is Adviser 6’s fault. Off with his head!’

Now, these are mine. What about you? What have you learned from Buhari’s few days in Office? I’d love to hear from you guys.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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6 comments

  1. About the watch, you do realise that
    1: Aisha works? So doesn’t need the ‘milk and meat’ money to get a watch.
    2: Nigerians looking for favour can buy her anything as long as they’ll get to meet her and forge a relationship. Na only Pastor pikin marry and got over 40 cars.

    • Edith she works abi? Enough to own a 10 mill watch, but her dear husband does not have more than 1 million Naira. If I hear. Wetin carry pastor pikin join this one? Which pastor? Isn’t the pastor going to be the head of one of these nationwide churches? Were the gifts given to obtain favours? Is that how you use to do? See ba, one way or another, the whole thing doesn’t add up.

      • Yes! Enough to own it if she wants. I didn’t say she bought, im letting you know that she can get one either by buying, a gift or something! I was an usher at the former PDP chairman’s sons wedding! They got over 4 JMG generators and countless cars. A 10 million naira watch is too small to curry favours.

  2. run as a change agent & refuse to publicly declare my assets

  3. 15. Even PMB isn’t a miracle worker.
    16. This is going to be a very interesting administration.
    17. I really don’t care about (Nigerian) politics.

  4. I know this piece was posted for laughs, but I have to comment on the N10million watch thingy. That watch is a Cartier watch, which costs $129 from the store. So getting to Nigeria, it’ll have added a few more dollars. Definitely nothing close to the humongous N10million. Just as we had 5 (or was it 6?) years to judge bro Jona’s good deeds, let’s give PMB the benefit of the doubt.

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