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HUMOUR COLUMN: The One About Entrepreneurship

When Aunty Linda discovered what some models never discover till it is too late, which is that even breasts obey the pull of gravity, she did something which is not commonly associated with models – she made a smart decision. Just kidding, I know most models are actually smart, when they aren’t taking off their clothes for a living. For example . . . um, erm, Hmmm, remind me to come up with an instance before this article is finished.

Meanwhile, back to dear Aunty Linda… She decided to go into blogging, and soon enough, the money was rolling in. But like every other venture, Nigerians took over aggressively.

It’s like the very true story about the first ever phone call center operated. It was operated by a Yoruba man, whose name I have forgotten, but I know his daughter is the model whose name I can’t quite remember. Anyway, this Yoruba man was returning from his farm one day and spied an umbrella in the bush, and then the idea came to him: ‘Hey! Why not I set up a calling center, with an umbrella to protect my customers from the sun?’ Of course he said this in Yoruba, but that’s how the idea was born.

But he made a mistake which all entrepreneurs should learn not to make. He began making a lot of money. Learn from this, my dear people. Because as soon as he started making money, he came out to his call center one day, and there were rows upon rows of umbrellas everywhere, everyone in his village had become call center operators. And after some time, that is about five minutes later, a very strange realization dawned. There were no customers! This was partly because everyone in the village was an operator, and also because, to be honest, the reception was so poor in those days, many wise ones considered it far less stressful to trek, even if it took months.

So, exactly the same thing happened to blogging; every Nigerian who has access to the internet is now a blogger, and so we see headlines popping up every few seconds, such as:

‘Obasanjo’s Belly Is Actually Full Of Babies Not Beer, Click Here To Abort!’

‘Lionel Messi Has Sex With Girlfriend, And Goes Into An Epileptic Fit, Click Here To Help Him Finish!’

‘Buhari’s Result Found Near Waste Bin In Sabon-Gari, Click Here To View!’

I am not saying they are all this bad; most times, they are actually worse. And like the people of that village, in a little while, we will all realize we are all bloggers. Then each person will have to look for traffic from out of space for his or her blog, or we’ll turn to another business venture, like phone call centers.

And on a related topic, has anyone else noticed that rats are becoming bolder? You walk in on a rat in your kitchen and instead of running for cover, it’s there staring at you like, ‘Hurry up, I’ve got business to attend to.’ And they seem to be getting larger. We now have rats the size of cats, so I have to tiptoe around the rat and leave MY OWN kitchen hurriedly so it can get to what it was doing before I rudely interrupted.

Even right now, as I write, it is there staring at me like, ‘You better not be writing about me.’ I think I better stop here, I really should get a gun, or a machete, or maybe I should move out.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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14 comments

  1. Lol!! Did u just diss wally? 🙂 . About d rats, true story!

  2. Haha haha. Oh I loved this, rings quite through

  3. mmmmm…i tink u should get a C-4..

  4. Walt is d rat black or brown!

  5. LOL. Hilarious piece, this.

  6. kai…I am one of them “call centre operators”!

  7. Hi Walter,

    I just discovered your blog and i am so enjoying it. Tell signs that in enjoying your writeups .
    1. I have abandoned loney tunes dash game.
    2.My wife have run out of the run more than thrice to see what got me gawffing only to see me behaving like a new lunatic while starring at my tab.
    3.I didn’t go to church,didn’t watch any of the movies i bought but was glued to my tab reading your blog
    4.I stayed up till 1 am last night reading your blog
    5.I am commenting! Yeah
    Well done now this is a Blog. I know of some where news and pics are reposted and they say its a blog and making all the money and i keep asking what does she really do?no beef intended but its the truth.
    Yours is full of creative writings, entertaining, humourous and enjoyable. You have your opinions and share them and when you repost articles you give credit. Many Nigerians still dont know plagerism is crime.
    Anyway thank you for all these. Thank you because it no less than what Michael Jackson gave the world, Messi is giving and Genevive is also gifting the world. For every person there is that which gives the ultimate pleasure.

    Now i know i should have rebelled and continued reading novels aganist my fathers desires.He warned’ Stop reading these things, you are not growing up to become a lawyer’ If only my father knew that so many careers paths would spring up .

    I will be a constant visitor to your blog. I hope you are getting rewards too. Infact i will join your voluteer team to get more visitors to this blog.If Dj Cuppy is making money out of her passion you too should.

    Thank you, God bless and good luck.

    Victor Ejike

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Wow. Victor, I am very humbled by your comments. And deeply appreciative of the fact that you find MMS so entertaining. I do so hope you will be a consistent visitor, and I’ve love to read more of your opinions. thanks and welcome. 🙂

  8. Is somebody shading Aunty Lin..*runs into NEPA pole*

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