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HUMOUR COLUMN: The Nigerian Hit Song That Outsells Tuface And Wizkid

Nigerians are a lenient lot, way too tolerant. Centuries of learning to make do, despite years of abuse and neglect, has made us very accommodating and tolerant of underperformance and mediocrity. A Nigerian could hire you to come set up the outdoor canopies for one of the many numerous occasions we seem to always have; and then, while you are doing the work you were hired to do, the same Nigerian would shout at his children to come help you. He could even bring out palm wine for both of you to drink, while his children do the work you were paid for. When it comes to doing proper work, stay away from the average Nigerian, and by average, I mean all.

The above reason is why we have always been under the type of rule that can only be described – for lack of a better word – as stupid. The president is inaugurated and we immediately proceed to lull him to sleep, by singing lullabies titled: ‘Give Him Time’ Featuring Be-Patient. We make the same mistake over and over again, and then five minutes to the next presidential election, we remember he has done nothing. Then we turn around to either re-elect him, because we can’t wait to start the song again, or we elect another person, and once again the song begins.

Nigerians have the average national IQ of a basket of boiled corn.

President Muhammadu Buhari has now being handed the right to rule. He said he would bring change, the key word being ‘said’. However, Nigerians are once again singing the above song. He and his deputy are yet to publicly declare their assets, and no one is crying out yet. I will not mention the fake website created by the damage control group to show that the watch Madam Aisha wore to the inauguration is not actually worth 10 million. I will however mention the fact that I prefer a First Lady who kills off living things with her spoken English, to a First Lady who buys fake watches.

The Falcons battled to a draw with their Swedish counterparts, and were given winning bonuses. According to the officials, it was to motivate them. Erm, motivate them to do what exactly? Lose?

I have made too much sense in this article than I have in the last twenty articles. Pardon Me.

PS: PHCN just restored power after one week. So, I will nominate them for a Nobel Prize, as a proper Nigerian.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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12 comments

  1. LMHO!!!!!! This Chika Jones eh!!! God dey for ya case!!!

  2. If this was actually intended to be funny, I’m sorry to say it is–for lack of a better word–a bad joke; unless it is no joke at all, because I perceive a [good] writer with aim to bastardize a new government even without giving it a chance.

  3. And this is the problem with Nigeria, nobody wants to perceive things from a neutral point

  4. Beautiful write up as usual. The part of asking the children to help is so true and hilarious. Can’t remember how many times we were forced to help

  5. Today’s humour fell more than a little flat.
    Unless, like a previous commenter said, it wasn’t intended as such. In which case, I wonder why it is getting treated under the HUMOUR column.

    • Yea, Totally agree with you, Olutayo. and oga Chika, I get your point. You have Nigerians properly pegged. But aren’t you a teensy bit letting your bias against Buhari colour your writing?

  6. Lawrence Chimezie

    Who says this isn’t humorous? What can be funnier than stupidity? It’s sad and bitter as truth ought to be. And I’m so guilty of those. You just awakened my consciousness as to this trait I have as a Nigerian, thereby dispelling my hitherto ignorance. This piece is objective and incisive. Play on, player.

  7. Truly Chika Jones.

    I laughed but read all underlying sense to this.

    thumbs up

  8. Thank you very much for this Chika.

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