The picture below went viral today, at least on my side of the Nigerian social media. Wait, how is this viral thing measured sef? Who does the measuring? Is it when everybody has seen it, because I am sure not everybody has a smartphone. Or is it when a certain percentage has seen it? Who sets the percentage?
Anyway, this picture went ‘viral’.
Are you sure?
Okay, first of all, I have seen most of the retweets and calls for help, and I am still shocked that no one has mentioned her ‘dada’-like hair. I am shocked because I know Nigerians well. By, now someone will have said: “Look at hair sef, like ashewo, how will she get a job?”
No, don’t look surprised, it is a very, very Nigerian reaction, and I am still waiting. Someone somewhere, most likely on Nairaland, will say that or at least something worse. This is because Nigerians are the most hypocritical people on earth. Someone once said in Nigeria: a grown man can whip out his instrument in the full glare of the public and start urinating, but a kiss between lovers can lead to a lynching. And it is true.
Another thing I can tell about the picture is that she wore a skirt on purpose. If she had won a trouser, the same thing I mentioned above would have happened. This Nigeria, where a young struggling woman will be told by a school that they only allow skirts among female teachers, but the madam will wear trousers. I swear the present continuous tense for hypocrisy is Nigeria.
So I am sure this lady thought about, well and hard, and decided that a skirt would be the best thing to wear, to avoid people saying things like: “Hmm, see her wearing trousers, this one will take my husband if I employ her.”
As if your husband is a spoon of rice. Or a nylon of vegetables, who has no brain, and can be taken by any woman wearing trousers. This begs the question: Who thought up the title: ‘Husband Snatcher’?
Why do we have no ‘Wife Snatchers’?
Who taught you that men have no sense? Are you stupid? Sorry, I got a bit carried away there.
Done? Can you spot the differences? I am sure you can. If you can’t, you can stop reading here and go search for fuel and tomatoes.
One difference I would like to point out is her smile. Nigerians will see you smiling and believe you are in money. If the Nigerian lady above had been smiling, they would have said she is not suffering enough, that she is not yet serious about the job. We love to see our fellow Nigerians frowning, so we can feel better about ourselves. But, the young lady in the picture above is smiling for she has faith in her fellow humans.
Nigerians, we need to change. Real change o. Not this crap that has made me become an expert in tomatoless stews.
Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones