NASS stands for National ASS. You are welcome. So let us establish one important fact, there is no single national asset worth spending billions to cover, as the National ASS.
Having got that out of the way, I apologize on their behalf; the truth is they are a group of very learned people, so they automatically assume the same of every Nigerian, which is why they need to read this column often, so they can understand the intelligence of the average Nigerian. You see, when they said 8.46 billion naira, they assumed we could all do the math. Nigeria has 109 Senators. When you divide 8.46 billion naira among one hundred and nine people, what do you have? The answer? Is anyone doing the math? It matters not, if 109 people are spending three percent on the National budget, because if you have ever worked in a multinational company or even the civil service, you’d know how important it is to have your ass covered. That’s your personal ass, how much more the National ASS?
I am in total support of using billions to cover the National ASS, never mind the power problem, or the educational one, or even the unpaid workers; I say they will be alright, let’s just cover the National ASS – with Louis Vuitton and Prada, Giorgio Armani and Calvin Klein. The National ASS needs to be expensively and adequately covered or we will be disgraced by other countries.
I do not understand why Saraki said it is now 500 thousand naira. Ordinary five hundred thousand naira – how much does he think they sell babariga? Or does he not know that the National ASS needs to change its covering every other hour? God forbid that the National ASS be seen in the same cloth after two consecutive hours! The country will be disgraced forever.
And I hear some Nigerians are saying the senators should buy their clothes from their salary, which is really wicked. How many clothes can their millions afford? Have you forgotten they need to pay parking for private jets and for expensive schools abroad? Or do you want the senator’s wife to wear the same wrapper she wore to last year’s August Meeting to this year’s own?
Meanwhile Baba has said that at his age, there are some things he cannot do as president. I salute his honesty. But I think he should have said this a bit earlier, like maybe before people turned out en masse to vote for him, or maybe before he even ran for the primaries. Unless of course he wasn’t talking about his duties to Nigeria, in which case I extend my sympathies to Mrs. Aisha. Dear Madam First Lady, there are various solutions which I can suggest to you to help the situation, but which is on a need-to-know basis from the tatafo people reading this column. So do call me sometime, yea?
Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones