I wrote this quickly. Apparently Agege bread sellers keep ridiculous hours. I am due at the bakery in a few minutes. I recently saw a poster which stated that Olajumoke, the bread seller-turned-model-turned-Nigerian church prayer point, is scheduled to give a motivational speech in Abuja. So many people have registered their outrage at this. Some say she is no motivational speaker, that the last speech she gave before last week was on the miniscule difference between the 70 naira Agege bread and the 50 naira one. Some say she does not speak English, that they doubt the efficacy of a motivational speech given in Ijesha-Yoruba at the Transcorp Hilton.
I say, they are all haters. Anything can happen in Nigeria. We were all here when the budget of a country numbering about 1,800 pages went missing. So who says Olajumoke cannot be transformed into a motivational speaker in two days?
Something else I would like to discuss is the amount of time the average Nigerian youth has on their hands. Do they get the same twenty-four hours the rest of the world gets? Or do they get extra? Where does one get the time to email Hermès in order to find out if Linda Ikeji’s bag was a fake or not? Where do they get the time to create memes barely five minutes after every Breaking News? Because I can hardly find time between making up properly, rushing to the bakery to pick up bread, and heading into the streets to find my own TY Bello. These days, I am always busy. If I wasn’t, I would have gone on twitter and told you about the new beef brewing between PSquare and their manager/brother Jude Okoye. This is why I do not like to do business with family. One day, you will come to the office and somebody will say you are fired because you did not greet him properly, because he is your senior brother.
We have to continue later, the bread is ready. Who knows, maybe I will photobomb Kanye West on the streets of Lagos.
Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones