Hello Fellow Nigerians
What are we angry about this week?
The millions spent on imported police dogs
The lynching of homosexuals
The lynching of a man because of 10 naira
The mobbing and stripping of a suspected kidnapper
The rejection of the Gender Equality bill by the Senate
The split of PSquare into two separate Ps
Nigeria is like a Yoruba woman, always ready to transplant the head-tie from head to waist and get into some serious drama. And there is never an end to drama, is there? Well, take a look at the abovementioned topics and pick the one most important to Nigeria; that is the one we are about to analyze and discuss.
So why did PSquare split? From the days of Bizzy Body, the wonder twin pair has been giving twins all over Nigeria something to look up to. At least if JAMB cannot be passed, and if WAEC becomes impossible, they can always go into music like PSquare. And when the Mo-hits split happened, Nigerians took comfort in PSquare. No, PSquare cannot ever disappoint, we said. Even when they started releasing songs whose only appeal was the matching costumes in the videos, we were happy. As long as they were together, we were fine.
The days of “Uncle, please tell us a story…” are long gone, and the twins were still getting back-to-back endorsements, because Nigerians are sentimental like that. We all love the story about family.
Now here we are. They say the devil came between them. In Nigeria, the devil can mean anything, from a lack of patience or abundance of greed to a deficiency of common sense and good judgement, depending on who is telling the story. So the ‘devil’ did what no one else could have done. He found the square root of PSquare. What we now have is a Mr. P and one other person. Two upcoming artists. Wow.
Yet, I wish them well. We have seen musical groups that split, and it resulted in one or two members growing into far bigger artistes than they were before. We remember very well the Plantashun Boiz, which was made up of four faces: Blackface, 2faces and Faze. After their split, Tuface went on to become a legend, while the other faces noisily vanished like a plate of fufu in a room full of Igbo boys. (I still wonder why they didn’t call the group Faces, instead of Plantashun Boiz, seeing as they were not tilling any plantations at the time). Anyway, so who knows, one of the Ps might actually benefit from this breakup, or even both.
Anyway, what have we learned from the split? Follow me closely here: Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I personally couldn’t care less if they decided to take the square root of one of the Ps again. Why don’t I care? Because Nigeria is going to hell anyway, and not even a stage performance of Do Me can save us. My recommendation for Nigeria: Nothing. Let us all fold our hands and do absolutely nothing. No hashtags, no marches or protests, nothing.
In the words of our forefathers, whenever there is a major problem: ‘Let us all face our front.’
Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones