Home / Featured / HUMOUR COLUMN: Nigeria And Her Faces Of Corruption

HUMOUR COLUMN: Nigeria And Her Faces Of Corruption

Nigeria is one of the most religious countries in the world. So I guess it makes perfect sense that it is also one of the most corrupt countries too. Even newborns, as soon as they are born, cry louder in Nigeria.

Despite this established fact, Nigeria still manages to shock me with the lengths it will go. Most people are corrupt naturally; like if you happen upon money that is not yours, it takes some discipline, years of training, self-control and some measure of self-respect to at least look around before you pocket it. Yet, Nigerians seem to be aspiring to some god-level in corruption.

The other day, singer Kiss Daniel lied about his age. Recently during a TV interview, the presenter asked him this question: “So, how old are you?”

Kiss Daniel: “Well, my age… We are planning a press release for that.”

I kid you not. A press release for your age? Now, if this was football, where Nigerians regularly use fifty-year-olds in the U-17 category, I would understand the fear. But this is music! No age limit, zero implications, and yet you cannot say your age, without an official press release. Wait, is it that you do not know when you were born? Even if you don’t, just tell us which president was ruling in the year you were born, and we can easily guess.

Then the National Ass (NASS) have kept on living up to their names. It was recently reported that they bought 108 cars at about 4 billion naira. The senators denied it, not that their denial means anything. They said they bought only 36 cars.

Now I do not believe the people that said they bought 108 cars, for one very good reason. The people that said such are Nigerians. I also do not believe the senators; each Nigerian senator has on the average at least four cars, why do they need one more? Are they opening a showroom? Do they want to turn to car salesmen?

One more way Nigeria shocked me this week is the price of fuel. We were promised 7th of April to be the end of this crisis by the Petroleum Minister, and today is the 22nd. Who among you is buying fuel at 87 naira? Raise your hand. But we are all silent. Meanwhile if you have to queue for six hours to buy fuel at 87 naira, I hope you know that the fuel you bought is not 87 naira any longer. Good.

Sometimes it is a struggle to look on the bright side in Nigeria, especially as PHCN has refused to give us light. But who sadness epp?

Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. Seriously, that kiss Daniel press release might be the most stupid thing we’ll read all year.
    Prince is dead at 57,when Kiss Daniel dies, we’ll still wait for another ceremony to announce the age at which he died.

    The silence over this fuel issue has become deafening, Nigeria I hail thee. Truly, who sadness epp.

  2. Well, these facts ain’t funny tho……God bless Nigeria!

  3. Nigerians,a people set apart

  4. Kiss Daniel is a gigantic olodo…

  5. It’s ridiculous really. What’s your age? Simply give an answer, you’re busy planning a press release. Ngwanu o, have they given it yet? Who has heard the press release for Kiss Daniel’s age? What age was mentioned?

  6. LMAO. Like the sun, the foolishness that abounds in Naija is new every morning. Not just a press release. Why doesn’t he just put it in a song in his next album?

  7. The level of Iberibe in this Naija is beyond epic proportions. But let us not lose hope, hmm? Eh hen.
    From the lying liar Kiss Daniel to the buying buyer National Asses, we are in deep, smelly Shit. God save us from ourselves.

  8. Who sadness epp?
    We are the best country in the world. We can manage every situation and survive as though the situation is not existing. I wonder still. I know the absurdity will never end, we will wake up to hear another ear throbbing and heart drenching news.

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