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HUMOUR COLUMN: Lessons Learned In 2014

As 2014 ends, I’m sure we all have learned quite valuable life lessons, which I am sure will affect our New Year resolutions for 2015, so that when we enter 2015, we can make all those mistakes again, and the only difference would be the changed date. So, I will share some of the lessons I learned in 2014 with you, and they are as follows:

  • How to be popular? I used to think that to be popular, you have to do something great, something no one has done before, something like being a Nigerian politician who always tells the truth, or who doesn’t steal from the nation’s coffers. But 2014 taught me otherwise.

Lesson: Sometimes all it takes to be popular is to be beat up by your maid.

  • Nigerians can be orderly and very cooperative, this I didn’t initially know. The popular belief is that Nigerians are unruly and love sharp practices, but Ebola changed all that. I saw people, actual Lagosians, entering a bus very orderly, no pushing, no shoving. It fulfills the greatest rule.

Lesson: Upon the threat of death, even Lagosians can be quite meek.

  • If possible, avoid interviews with Channels Television. From my Oga at the top, to Buhari’s interview, Channels Television has shown herself to be heartless. They will edit and edit, until even your small mistakes and sometimes large ones will go viral.

Lesson: If you ever become popular, never grant interviews to Channels Television.

  • Be careful with your pictures. First, it was the leaked nudes. Some of you saw all of them, so don’t act like you didn’t. But I didn’t. Then, yet another picture caused big trouble; yes, Linda Ikeji’s Range Rover picture. It led to her blog being brought down. I know some of you think it was plagiarism, but seriously, we know it was the witches and wizard in her village.

Lesson: If you ever become popular, only post pictures of cars below 24 million naira on the internet.

  • You can’t always see it coming. You might be able to deliver Jim Iyke of his demons, or even predict the score of premiership matches, but you might not know the day your church will fall like a pack of cards. That is one of 2014 most important lessons.

Lesson: You can’t always predict the future, only the score of football matches.

  • And most important of all the lessons I learned in 2014. I learned that there is God. So, no be only us waka come.

What did you guys learn in 2014?

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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10 comments

  1. Chika me learnt the lesson of misplaced priorities. Oriijin and suya are not d only tins dat makes us happy.

  2. I learnt that Chika Jones is the official MMS Comedian of the year!!!! The lesson about predicting the future though. LMHO

  3. LMSHO. Thanks for the honor Chidinma. Walter perhaps a Plaque?

  4. Absolutely hilarious…I learnt to always take Chika Jones very seriously…lol

  5. Lol, nice piece Chika Jones…

    I learnt in 2014 that anything is possible with GOD…

    Just have unshakeable faith and trust + obey…na happiness be that…
    Bless +

  6. Lols!!!! Na true, Diaris God o! Hehehe!!!

  7. This is very hilarious, surprise!!!!! Not quite! Before I launch into what lessons I learnt or failed to learn, I’d like to know whatever happened to your ambition of skipping town for greener pastures over the seas! Did you perhaps change your mind, did you?! *raised eyebrow* LMAO!

    I totally enjoyed this piece, and I’d go with Chigurl on the greatest lesson learnt in ’14! Adding insanely crazy, cynical and sarcastic to that as well! There, I said it! LOL

    Thanks for the laughs Chika and thank you sooo much for sharing Walter! Kudos!

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