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HUMOUR COLUMN: King Of The ‘North’

So this week I am bothered about a title: ‘King of the North’.

One major reason is that it shows how much we have failed as a country, if our grown men now make Game of Thrones references. Is there no shame? So you all watch movie series? Wow.

Another reason I am bothered about the title is that a majority of those who use it are those who voted for the re-election of Goodluck Jonathan, therefore they are likely to be told in Nigerian parlance that ‘it is jealousy’. All those who Sai’d Buhari say it is only a fraction of the appointments that he has made, and that all the appointments are from the North because he needed capable hands, regardless of where they were from. I will not ask you how possible it is that only people from the North are capable, but I will ask you this:

‘If I go to the fruit market on Monday and buy three apples, what do you think I will buy on Wednesday?’

Don’t answer. It’s a trick question. PDP will say apples; APC will say, ‘Wait and see.’ (Actually the correct answer is vegetables. This is because I cook soup on Wednesdays. Yet I digress from the point).

I am also worried about campaign promises. Apparently someone somewhere produced a list of what Buhari will do after 100 days in office. Now I am not saying Buhari or APC wrote that list; I am just saying that the list was not disowned until after the 100 days had elapsed. Ask an APC member if Buhari wrote that list, and he will say no. Ask a PDP member, and he will swear he was there when Buhari himself penned those words. This is because, as a general rule, Nigerians love to pick sides and not necessarily for the benefit of the country.

For example, during Jonathan’s administration, every GEJ supporter swore that Boko Haram was being destroyed by the Nigerian soldiers, even when a group of soldiers had to be court-martialed because they ignored the common sense of the Nigerian government and refused to fight the well-armed terrorists using sticks. In that same vein, every APC member swore that Boko Haram had taken over Nigeria, and that we would all be killed soon.

Fast forward to today and the reverse is the case. APC members do not believe any killings are happening in the North, and even if there were, it is not as bad as the media is painting it.

QUIZ: If given the chance to choose between BUHARI AND JONATHAN again, who would you pick? Me too.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. Nigerians (and maybe,humans in general) love taking sides,no secret about it. Of course if ur candidate sets the country ablaze, it’s because he’s “trying to warm everyone up and protect us from cold”, but if the opposing candidate lights a small fire in d fire-place,then he’s “trying to roast and destroy the nation”.Bias, is a human flaw we have to contend with FOREVER!
    OAN: God,when will I start watching this “Game of thrones”,ehn? And I don’t even feel moved to make an effort. What is wrong with me?

  2. Chika for President oh! Sai Chika!!! Lol

  3. Every part of the narrative that Buhari has been wooing Nigerians with to become president has changed. Suddenly he’s not the fire-breathing dragon eager to get into Aso Rock and start changing Nigeria. Hmmm, oh. This country sef.

  4. Its just the beginning.

  5. Who will you vote for between Buhari and Jonathan? KOWA party of course!!! I never trusted those two to start with…

  6. At the end, these politicians are the proverbial pot and kettle. They have the same blood flowing through their veins.

  7. Can’t believe I missed this piece during the week. Good one my brother/Sister(I never know yet if Chika na boy or girl).
    I’m with Chidimma, I’ll vote KOWA party.

  8. lol…KOWA party me too

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