International Women’s Day has come and gone. Is there an International Men’s Day? There should be, even if it’s just a day, for us to go around saying, “Happy International Men’s Day!” And making the men’s sounds like messing and farting to piss off strangers. It would be great fun.
So how did you spend the International Women’s Day? Did you post pictures of your mother on Facebook? Or did you write long tributes to her? Even though she still thinks Facebook is a brand of exercise books, like Onward? Let me suggest more fun ways you should have spent it. Go on Facebook and type ‘The proper place of a woman is in the kitchen’, then tag Pearl Osibu, Joy Isi Bewaji, Ayodele Olofintuade, Olufunke Phillips, or even Eketi Ette. Then grab your popcorn and relax.
Or write an open letter to Linda Ikeji with the title: ‘When will you marry?’
Other than that, you could actually talk about the injustices facing women in our society; but that is not on our priority list in Nigeria. If she can be married off, what is our business with her happiness, right? For the young girl growing up in Nigeria, every year on International Women’s Day, I want you to do something to help the future generation.
- Avoid people who only think about getting married to a rich partner, male or female, avoid them. They are the reason we don’t have light up till now. They are the reason fuel is scarce and the weather is so hot. Avoid them like a plague.
- Avoid people who believe that a woman’s place is in the kitchen. Such people will not make any of the heavens. They are the reason we might never have a female president in Nigeria. Do not talk to them, if you happen upon them on the road, cross to the other side.
- Avoid any man who makes you feel like he is doing you a favor by marrying you. They are the type that will not let you grow. Those men believe the possession of a penis is equal to inventing the electric bulb. They have the intelligence of a door knob. Please avoid such people, and when you can, scream at them.
- Avoid anyone that talks about ‘dressing well’ and ‘rape’ in the same sentence. They are the type of people the bible was talking about when it said: “Stupidity dwells with them.” They are usually really dull and slow, like a rainy afternoon. Please avoid them, and when you can, block them on social media too.
Happy Belated International Women’s Day.
Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones