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HUMOUR COLUMN: Five Signs He Will Dump You After Some Time

So these days, Nigeria is rife with the news of people getting dumped, and despite what the feminists may have you believe, most of the time, which is the same thing as 100 percent of the time, it is the ladies that get dumped. I think there is something in the make-up of men that prevents them from getting dumped. That same thing is also in Edo girls.

Due to the fact that I feel very much for the fairer sex, and also the fact that I am currently jobless, I decided to do some in-depth research into the possible signs, markers, smells and even pictures that may tell you he is going to dump you. Frankly this entire article will do you no good, my purpose is not to help you out, my purpose is to waste time.

Having delivered that somber warning, it’s time to go into the stalking girlfriend mode and let’s consider the signs. They might be less than or greater than five; I simply used five above, because any other number is seriously frowned upon by the association of blog post curators.

The Type Of Movies He Watches

Firstly, a guy who loves the movie, The Lord Of The Rings, is a no-no. The movie features a bunch of men carrying a ring for what is about twenty four hours in real time and about a thousand years in movie time. You do not want to hold on to any man’s ring for so long, especially if he has hairy feet like Frodo.  Other movies to be on the lookout for include any movie where no one gets married; any man who likes such movies will dump you. It’s just a matter of time. Worse still, he might actually marry you.

The Type Of Phone He Uses

Secondly, any guy who was initially a blackberry user, but later switched to an Android device, is likely to do the same to you. He has shown himself incapable of faithfulness. The same goes for a guy whose favorite brand of drink was Star, and then all of a sudden he switches to Orijin. Be on the lookout, he is sending you a subliminal message. IPhone users are ok, they have class.

His Name

Stay away from guys named after Kings of England, Greece, Rome etc., they are legendary womanizers. Whereas guys that have native names, you might have to do your research. If there is anything remotely off about the names, please stay away from them.


Additionally stay away from any male named Chika.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. Lols!!!! This tips ehn, na #Orijinal! Hehehehehe!!!!

  2. Everytime I read this column, I keep getting the impression Chika is a lady. Nice piece

  3. But these are only three tips

  4. What???! How dare you decieve me and say you had 5 tips?! Am done! Am dumping you! There! #guygetsdumped 😉 Nice piece #wastedmytimesmall lol

  5. Hey everybody. I happen to know that Walter has changed phones severally, but hasn’t once switched from blackberry to android… #Justsaying

  6. hehhehhehhehe

  7. ..aswear! I “lurve” this dude!!! Bhet I see only 4 tips including your bonus tip.. 5th tip kwa?

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