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HUMOUR COLUMN: Count Your Blessings, Zero After Zero

Have you ever received a bank alert which made your phone become slightly heavier? Usually it is something totally unexpected, and you are staring at your phone, shocked.

A friend told me of a colleague, who got a job in an oil company. This not someone born with a silver spoon – this guy went through hell to get a university education. So he got the job, and was sent abroad for a six-month training program. When he returned, he was told to resume work the next day. My guy – yes, I will call him ‘my guy’ – because he was suddenly rich, sat down jejely on his leather swivel chair in his well-appointed office, and then his phone beeped. My brother checked the phone. It was credit alert of 20 million naira. This is a true story. He started sweating profusely despite the office air conditioner being on. He got up and checked the phone again, counting the zeros carefully. Then he phoned – sorry, called a friend to come in. This friend came in, and they both counted the zeroes together. Yup, there were exactly six of them. My guy sat on the office floor and pulled off his tie. He almost went insane that day.

Now here’s another similar story; my father told me this one, so I automatically doubt its authenticity. But I will relate it.

A Yoruba man in Lagos manages to secure a piece of land, on which he erects a structure for him and his family. To call this structure a house would be an exaggeration. But he and his family make a home there. Unfortunately, like most plots of land sold in Lagos, it happens to be in the path of a future road construction. The future comes when the house structure owner and his family relocate for a short while to the village because of some hardships in Lagos. And Julius Berger levels the structure, not knowing it is a house. The man eventually returns to the city to find that where his bedroom once stood was now a culvert. He decides to go back to the village and accept it as a sign.

But just as you sometimes happen upon money in the pocket of the trouser you are about to wash, he happens on a lawyer and tells him the story. Lawyer must have been a Grisham fan, because he took up the case pro-bono. Long story short, Julius Berger is forced to pay for damages and compensate the man. When this oga receives the check of twelve million naira, he slumps and dies.

Brethren, may you receive that kind of credit alert today. May I get an ‘Amen’?

On that note, I would like to announce my consideration to go into the Lord’s work.

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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  1. Amen oh, join the ministry we are behind you. Hehehe. Walty you skipped housewives?

  2. May we receive that kind of alert today? How come that prayer is sounding suspiciously like you don’t quite mean it as a blessing, hmm Chika?

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Eh, sha still claim it. After you get the alert, then u can question Chika’s motives. lol

  3. whether Chika means it or not i say a thunderous Amen to that…btw chika can i be ur PA when the ministry arrives??? lol

  4. U can get that alert only when you work smart and not hard. I am one of the few Nigerians who own a system that produces residual income. You too can join. Alliance in Motion Global helped me and can help you too. ASK ME HOW?? 07039263821

  5. A big Amen, but not like the case of the one who slumped and died.

  6. Amin Jesu

  7. hope the ministry thing is not a propaganda to collect our tithes after receiving the alert. thank God my dad is a pastor. amen sha

  8. Amen, Jared!! Who no like better thing?

  9. Adeleke Julianah

    Me I really need that kind of alert to help my ministry sharp sharp!

  10. Amen. Em wait? did I just say amen? this story will generate lots of Amen on facebook if you tweak it and add “I DECREE MAY YOU RECEIVE THIS KIND OF ALERT THIS WEEK “

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