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HUMOUR COLUMN: Black Lives Matter

When the news comes on about another black person getting killed by the police in America, we all wonder why. Some of us wonder why and then go on eating our food, the same way we say ‘Chei!’ when we hear of another Boko Haram massacre, and then ask for the next bottle of beer, because like we say in Nigeria, ‘I cannot come and go and kill myself.’

But there are some of us who stop eating altogether and start pondering deeply. (They stopped eating in the first place probably because they were not hungry to begin with or they didn’t even like the food anyway).

This lot wonders: Why is the American Police killing Blacks? Hashtag upon hashtag, uproar upon uproar, and yet they are gunning down Blacks. I aim, in this episode, to present an insight into the Blacks police murder situation, in the hopes of getting this article to the 500 word limit.

Why is the American Police killing Blacks?

Well, for starters…

They Cannot Help It.

You see, the human brain is a very gullible machine. Once it is convinced of something, it converts it into an instinct. For example the Cockroach: of the order Blattodea or Blattaria, the most common and best known being the Periplaneta Americana, an insect that has being severely maligned and mistreated; its only offence being its appearance. Yes, I know Wikipedia says it can cause diseases, but I am yet to see anyone killed by a cockroach. Yet week after week, they are killed in droves. Families spend parts of their meager budgets to come up with ways to kill the cockroach. This is because of decades of conditioning. Our parents killed cockroaches, so we do not care if it is right or not, we just go right ahead and stomp and spray. I await the great cockroach revolution of 2016.

In this vein, the American police have been conditioned. Red means Stop. Yellow means Wait. Black means Shoot.

They Get Away With Murder.

How to get away with murder in America:

  1. Be white. No, not light-skinned, completely white i.e. you must have skin the color of a freshly plucked chicken.
  2. Kill a black person.
  3. Sit back and let CNN do its work.

Worst case scenario: you could call a press conference stating how you were abused as a child, an example being the black kid that took your pencil in first grade.

Run, Black Man, Run.

The above is the title of a spoken word poem I once listened to. It epitomizes the response of the average black man to bad situations – Flight. No wonder Ethiopians run like the wind, and Usain Bolt is the fastest man on earth. We have running in our blood. So while it does not explain the situation of things, it makes it easier for the police to lie. We really need to stop running.

On a final note, my heart goes out to the families of the victims of such brutal attacks. Hashtags have been tried, tweeting too, some people have even tried protesting, yet the killings continue. #BlackLivesMatter #AllLivesMatter

Written by Chika Jones, tweets at @chika_jones


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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7 comments

  1. It’s finally clear to me what the major thrust of this Humour Column is about – using humour to serve up the grave issues of life. It’s ingenious though. While we laugh, we ponder. Good work today, Chika

  2. Here I am wondering why this black cruelty, And this smelly cockroach just buzzed me back to reality, where is my broom you must die before I leave for work.

  3. Using humour to make a point. #alllivesmatter

  4. Did y’all here about the white officer who was beaten down with his own gun by a black thief? He had pulled d gun but he said he was scared of shooting when the thief got aggressive,cos he didn’t want another case of “white cop kills innocent black man”,so d thief took d gun from him and clucked him(severally) with it.

  5. the color of a freshly plucked chicken?? lol

  6. Hilarious, poignant and true. Well done, Chika. #Alllivesmatter

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