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HUMOUR COLUMN: 5 Reasons You Must Use Your BF/GF as your DP

First off, let us define some terms:

A. BF: Also known as but not limited to Boyfriend / ATM / Breathing Vibrator / Person with whom I am currently having sex or other names synonymous with diabetes.

B. GF: Also known as but not limited to Girlfriend / Cook / Washing Machine / Nail Cutter / Masseur / Person I show off so I am not thought of as gay.

C. DP: Also known as but not limited to Display Picture / Profile Picture / Hey I just bought some new clothes / See my new hairstyle / This is what I ate today / I was just at the gym.

Now that we are clear on those terms, here are some reasons why you should use A or B on C.

  1. To Stop Them From Leaving

This is perhaps the most vital reason. In fact, if not that I have already written the number 5 above, I feel as though I can stop this article here. You see, the more frequently you use your A or B on your C, the more impossible it becomes for them to leave you. Like the whole world knows you are mine now, where the hell do you think you are going?

Picture this:

Person A: Please dear, I think this relationship is not working out. You want 10 kids and I want 0 kids. We have to call it quits.

Person B: But you have been my Facebook profile picture for a month.

Person A: Uh…okay, I will stay.

  1. To Show The Depth Of Your Love

If you do not put your A or B on your C, you do not really love the person. Follow me closely here; even Jesus said, “If you are afraid to confess (put me on your DP) before men, I too will refuse to confess (put you on my DP) in heaven.”

It is that serious an issue.

Person A: Honey, you abandoned me when I was broke and depressed and stopped picking my calls for three months. I am hurt.

Person B: (looking confused) But you were on my DP all those months.

Person A: Wow, I never knew. I guess we are alright then. Let’s take a selfie.

  1. To Show Them To The World

How do we know who is dating who, if you do not put pictures on your DP, hmm? You need to stop confusing people, put your A or B on your C. You see people show up at parties with their As or Bs and introduce them as such, but we don’t care; as long as he/she isn’t on your DP, you are single.

4. and 5. . . . .

Written by Chika Jones, tweets @chika_jones


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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15 comments

  1. LMAO … Gerrarrahia mehnnn.

    No no, Chika, come back here oh. 4 and 5 nko?

    • 4 and 5 are still booting. I’m sure he’ll come back to fill us in when they’re done booting. Right, Chika?

    • Sweety I guess I have to put your picture as my dp….let the whole “world” know !!! #runs off to watsapp!

      PS: send me a realy nice pic of you. Tankiu.

  2. Hahaahaha! Chai! I think I broke a rib

  3. Lmao

    But Chika, what does one do when there’s more than one A or B?

  4. Chika your kolo no be here.

  5. After you *vexingly* shared Esther Jackson’s post on FB for saying ‘if ur BF cannot use ur pics as his DP, forget it my dear, u are single’ I know say wahala don burst…… See how u made sometin gud out of dah silly comment…. Hahahahhahhaha..

  6. This Chika sef. LOL

  7. ‘BF: or other names synonymous with Diabetes’. Did you mean other names like HONEY and SUGAR AND CHOCOLATE CAKE. Et cetera?

    Hahahahahahaha. OMG! *Rotfl*

  8. 4 & 5….. lemme consult ifa

  9. Hey! Come back here o…My pen and notebook are in hand ready to write down those gems of wisdom that is number 4 and 5…

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