When I finally decide to blow brazenly into the capacious life of a father, I do not hesitate to say that I would want to raise all girls – two girls.
I don’t want to be a father to sons.
If I’ve learned anything about being a man, it is that being a father is designed to be a contact sport, and far too many of us retire before we even see what the field looks like.
If I’ve learned anything about a woman, it is that no matter how empowering they seem, their existence was designed to never stand a chance. But it’s a lie. They are strong, in some ways stronger than men. I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men. They are far superior, always have been.
When Edmonton, North London, found an eighteen-year-old Nigerian boy, Opemipo Jaji, guilty of raping an eleven-year-old girl, he cried his eyes out moments after the verdict was passed. Every major media news outlet coddled him, instead of the girl he raped. CNN, BBC news grieved over the death of his future as an aspiring Chef.
They said nothing of the cemetery growing inside the body of the girl; nothing of the graveyard where she would bury her trust in men.
Rape culture is the worst kind of teacher kids are learning the most from.
It teaches women that it is their responsibility to not get raped.
It teaches men that ‘boys will be boys’.
It teaches us that a short skirt and a smile is ‘asking for it’.
It teaches us that it’s not wrong unless someone comes to her rescue.
And that is why when I have a daughter or two
With every fibre of my being, I’ll learn how to teach her
How to sew a button
How to cook
How to walk
How to talk
How to twerk
How to shoki
How to use her tampon
How to think like a man… And act like a Lady
How to love and give herself to Love
And if I don’t raise her in a community that will help me teach her to be wary
How to unravel herself from the “chivalries” of men
From their lack of sensitivity and the rotten parts of their deranged masculinity
If she doesn’t learn better from me,
Then what rape culture will teach her when I’m not looking is
That she is as good as that crooked cop from the Lagos State police department, Oshodi precinct
That she is as good as jail bird or a sex offender
That she is as good as the next black boy sobbing on the witness stand
Apologizing to the girl that he raped
Swearing that he ‘didn’t mean to do it’
Promising that his mother –
If he really had one
If she was every inch of the parent that I’ll be
If she cared for him like I will do for my daughters
If she loved him like I will love mine –
That she ‘taught him better’ than that
Hoping that somebody in that courtroom will forgive him
For what? I wonder.
He has yet to learn.
Written by Vhar