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Finding Hubby (Episode 20)

FOREWORD: I’d just like to thank all you faithful readers who have dedicated your time to catching up on the travails of Oyin and her friends as they find the perfect hubby. Through the tears and laughs and all-what-nots, you have egged her on, scorned her and stuck by her side. So far, it’s been a great ride with you guys, no matter what side of the fence you’re sitting.

As you read on, in this episode, you will find a highlighted question Oyin has asked ya’ll. Please endeavour to answer the question as your comments will really truly help in whatever decisions she and her friends will make in upcoming episodes. Thanks in advance, and a Merry Christmas to you all.

Now on to the story…

*

We watched as Toke struggled with telling us who Olumide was and my fears about him instantly skyrocketed. I hoped Toke wasn’t pregnant for some married man. The most intelligent ladies do the silliest things at times, when you least expect it.

“I met Olumide about a month ago. Very nice guy.” She took her phone from me and retrieved a picture from her memory card and showed him to us. The guy in the picture was on the chubby side, but chubby in a good-looking Cedric the Entertainer kinda way. He was wearing a grey suit that looked good on him, and he seemed to carry himself well even in the picture.

“This is a correct looking guy now,” Gloria said.

“Exactly,” I joined in. “So why the hide and seek?”

“You guys should wait and let me give you the background now, before I get to that point. At least you will be more lenient when crucifying me if you hear it all.” We nodded okay and she continued, “I met him in company of another male friend, and I just enjoyed his wit and charm. He’s a lawyer, and he’s very intelligent. Very, very. You know me, I’m a sucker for intelligent guys. And his imagination was just as active as mine. At some point, even my friend couldn’t keep up with us as we sparred with all sorts of puns. It was beautiful.”

I can imagine. Toke looked like she was having an orgasm just internally reliving the conversation. She always (I mean, always) gauges a man by his ability to keep up with her, especially in conversation and talking in imagery. No attraction can happen if the guy cannot, and even if there was some initial attraction, if he cannot keep up, the attraction dies a natural death. She always said that if a guy cannot get jokes she cracks, he simply cannot get the rest of her. So I know the kind of heaven she must have been in when she met a guy who could keep up with her. It seemed he could do more than keep up with her. He challenged her. She rarely found such men.

She continued, “We hooked up a couple of times, and he just has the most beautiful amazing mind ever. You will notice I’ve been happier and more motivated lately.”

Very true, she’s had great energy level recently (as attested to by events of earlier in the day). I was beginning to get impatient because I knew she had not gotten to the gist of the matter. But I borrowed myself brain, make I no rush the girl. She was obviously having a hard time coming out straight with it, so I didn’t want to make it harder.

“He didn’t even need to formally ask me out. We just started dating, and I feel in my bones he is the one for me. I met his family and they are such wonderful people. He doesn’t make as much money as I do, but I don’t mind at all. He’s hardworking, makes his own money, and takes care of me in spite of not making up to me. Lord, I love him.” She held her head in both hands now.

Wow! The big L-word. This was more serious than I thought. Toke was in love. For real. She was despairing seriously now, so I had to nudge her. “All this sounds wonderful, but I’m sure there’s something you haven’t told us.”

She raised her head and looked me squarely through eyes that were red from tears she was struggling to hold back. “He’s 27.”

I nearly fell off my chair. The words “cradle snatching” jumped out of my mouth before I could catch myself. Gloria repeated, “27!” She was a clean eight years older than him.

“Yes he is, but he’s so mature. First, I met him through a friend who is older than me and they talked as colleagues and friends. I didn’t realize that men are not like us; they can relate with someone way their junior as friends on the same level. So I assumed he was at least my age on that first meeting. And it was so perfect with him I didn’t think to ask. It wasn’t until I had to get his driver’s license about two weeks into the relationship that I discovered. Then I confronted him with the fact, and he told me he didn’t have any issues with it, that he loves me and wants to make me his wife. He has never dated any woman younger than him, so he’s used to it already. And in all honesty, if you remove the age ish, he is all I want in a man.”

“Toke,” I said, shaking my head to emphasize my disagreement, “he’s not even as old as Dayo, and if I recall, Dayo isn’t your immediate younger brother. There’s still Salewa between you guys. It just doesn’t seem right. Too many things can go wrong. How would you handle if Salewa or Dayo was rude to him? They are older than him, you know? And then add another ten years to your ages, he’s 37 and still youthful and you are 45 and nearing menopause. A lot of times, these young guys will leave you at that time when you need them the most and go for a girl that is young enough to be your daughter (yes, a 45 year old can sha give birth to a 25 year old). What will you do then?”

Toke’s eyes blazed as she shouted at me, “I know! Do you think I haven’t thought of all that? I wish I could just turn myself off and let him go. But it’s not that easy!”

I quickly hugged her. “Sorry dear, I’m real sorry.”

Somehow I felt like life was playing a cruel tease game with us. It brought me a man who was my all I ever dreamt about but he turned out to be gay. It delivered Gloria to a man who turned her into his punching bag and cruelly killed their child. And now it had sucker punched Toke by delivering her the man of her dreams, with this big comma over him. I’m beginning to wonder if everyone always has to make some sort of compromise to get married, because it seems that is going to be the case here.

Really, I want your thoughts on this in today’s comments. Is it absolutely necessary?

Back to Toke’s issue. She was near tears now. “I tell myself I should be proud of my man, and he’s been asking to meet my friends for like two weeks now, but I’ve given one excuse or the other. He’s too sharp not to see my excuses for what they really are, but I guess he is humoring me. But I really don’t know how long his patience will last. I want to be proud of my man in every way, but I cannot truly tell myself that even I am not struggling with this right now. My fear is that I’ll do something because of these struggles that will sabotage the relationship, and then I’ll then say it’s because of the age difference that it crashed when in reality, it’s my actions that caused the crash.”

My impulse was to tell Toke to end it and count it as a loss, but knowing how choosy she is, and how long it has taken her to find this, and then the fact that the guy is seriously considering marrying her, I really did not know what to say. I looked at her and said, “Toke, this is what we will do…”

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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31 comments

  1. Yes some times its necessary

  2. Yepa! For me,the age difference between Toke and this Olumide guy is just too much.If it wasn’t more dan 2-3 yrs,it’d have been a different case. ……Back to the main question,age should be a barrier in a relationship,but this is naija.

  3. He’s not marrying her siblings technically. There’s no biggie jare. People with that kind of wit almost always want people that’ll challenge them and yes, you don’t get that often.

  4. heck! I could marry Toke

  5. I meant to say age shouldn’t be a barrier in a relationship,but this is naija.

    • Ur right Tina. But dis is kinda confusing. Cos we also nid 2 luk into d future nd c if its worth it. She mite end up being hapi or sad in it.

  6. Hmm..
    Sometimes its neccessary. “sometimes”

  7. Toke, follow your mind. Ensure you esteem Olumide, no matter what it takes, and your siblings will have no choice but to respect him as well.
    Age has got nothing to do with IT.

    Oyin darling, you know I’ll always tell you the truth; and that is: life is not a game to be won or lost, but a game that is simply not played.
    Just flow with the tide…Life is but a stage, all you and your friends have got to do is ensure you don’t sound scripted or fake…be real; put in your best in delivering your lines and leave the prints on the sand of times. As for finding hubby…you Gals will be fine.

  8. Well, Toke claims ”he could do more than keep up with her. He challenged her”. With this, I don’t think the couple would have issues concerning maturity and decision-making. He has earned her respect already. And I’m sure it won’t be difficult earning the respect of her siblings too. In her case, age won’t be an issue, but I can’t say the same for everyone. It depends.

    • Yes, but you know there are many facets to the makeup of a relationship, and let’s face it, looks is one of them. When her looks start to fail and his are still robust, shouldn’t she harbour the fear that his eyes will stray?

      • Men with younger females as wives still have their orbiting eyes strayed…it’s not necessarily about the aging of the female; it’s more with the man’s level of discipline, the level of appreciation shown and the degree of comfort the woman has created that makes him run back home after the days task to be with his great source of happiness and blissful companionship…it has to do with them, and not age – which is just but a number.

  9. Hmm… Lotsa considerations o!
    #1. Toke’s age: it’s risky 2 say 2 her, leave him, another will come along.
    #2. What Oyin said is sooooo true. Shouldn’t b taken lightly.
    My advice 4m my meagre life experience and knowledge. The gap is generational, she should cut him loose jare! Hu knows, she might just find her own man soon enof (by ‘her own man’, I don’t mean exactly wat she wants, buh sm1 she’ll be absolutely happy wiv)

  10. Wow. . .2 b honest,d age diff is jst way 2 much.i dnt tnk i cn say luv conquerz al in ds case cos smtymz,luv is alwaz nt enof. . .n yea,smtymz,u hv 2 compromise 2 gt marid bt nt in ds case o.

  11. *I rather mawi ma agemate mehn…

    The thing is, the guy will get tired of her esp by d time she reaches menopause…

    Too risky #delimma..

  12. Uhm…i tink she shuld do wat’s best 4 her…if marryin d guy is wat she wnts dn she shuld go on wit it bt also b rdy 2face d sting frm ppl’s word,dis is 9ja u knw..bt if she wnts awt 2 dn she shuld do so..it’s her life.

  13. “is it absolutely necessary?”
    Been asking myself that same question lately.
    Since ‘absolutely’ has come into it , I’d say it’s not.
    I’m not married but I’d love to be. But no matter how strongly I crave to have my dreams fulfilled I’d rather be lonely than be in a sham marriage. Better still adopt/foster 1 or 2 kids, give their lives a meaning than willfully let someone take meaning out of mine. Peace out.

  14. Life is full of choices. And most of them have serious consequences. Loving him is good, but is that enough? Earnestly, I think that in this case, the age difference is a lot.
    The writer asks if making compromises are necessary….well, yes! Many people have a pre-set formula of exactly what they want their spouse to be. And except u find someone who is exactly like u (almost impossible), u’ll have to let some things go. Its important however to make sure that u’ve got the basics right (emotion, finance, religion -if important to you, expectations, etc). After that, every other thing can be worked on or replaced. That’s why its called ‘building a life together’, and yes, I call it that.
    Having said that, God’s opinion is important to me. ‘Follow your heart’ and ‘do what’s best for u’ don’t always cut it. When its all said and done, its important to invest time in seeking God’s opinion and doing what he advices. He never fails. Oh and NO, God usually won’t give u exactly what’s in you daydream of, but he always gives the very best. *wink.
    Decisions and consequences….life goes on.

  15. ok I cant wait again to comment I just have to say sth. As per making a compromise in a relationship I believe it is absolutely necessary except u do not want that relationship to work then compromising wont be important.

    then as to the age difference btw Toke n Olumide I don’t think it can work out in the long run no matter how intellectual the guy is now or how challenging he is I don’t believe he is mature enof to handle marriage to Toke maybe to a younger girl- yes.

    naturally girls mature faster that is y u can see a 20yr old girl getting married to a 45yr old man but the other way round is a big NO NO. one day olumide go wake up say ”I AM THE MAN OF THE HOUSE N U MUST RESPECT ME” n toke will say ” SEE THIS SMALL BOY O! just saying sha. but since this is a story I will just relax n read d drama unfold.

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