Hello guys, it is John Oceans again. Yes, the fairy one who shows up during the award season. I’d been previously asked me to review the fashion from the Headies, but after going through photos upon photos, I gave up as there was hardly any fashion worth talking about there. Nigerian celebs have been falling hands since forever. The gods however compensated me when the Golden Globes came around, and I died and went to fashion heaven!
Here is my take on the winners, the losers and the “well, not so bad”. Feel free to disagree!
JENNIFER LOPEZJLO… More like Slay-lo! I like my JLo because she is a risk taker and wears some of the most difficult dresses to pull off. This look straddles the thin line between hot mess and hot dress, but I think she nailed it. The color is refreshing, her hair is refreshing as it wasn’t an up-do and the cape of the dress isn’t very typical, like Gwyneth Paltrow in that Dior. My girl slayed this look! I just wish she had skipped the diamonds, as it did nothing for this look. All round winner here though!
LADY GAGAThis woman was the one who sent me to my death which sent me to fashion heaven! I mean, when she came out onto the red carpet, I nearly dropped my beer! Ladies and gentlemen, ALL HAIL THE QUEEN!
Lady Gaga smashed it with a fashion hammer; she channeled old Hollywood/Marilyn Monroe and nailed it to perfection. She is very tiny so she can pull off a heavy fabric such as velvet. The color is perfect for her white-blonde hair and her minimal use of accessories is just the icing on the cake!
Don’t we love the new Gaga, who doesn’t look like an alien shipwrecked on earth? (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
TARAJI P. HENSONWhite is very hard to wear on the red carpet as it can easily go bridal, but this was a good one. I however wasn’t wowed by this look especially as the finishing of the dress wasn’t perfect. (Take a look at the bodice area). All in all, it was an okay look, and her minimal use of accessories was a winner!
On another note, I wasn’t happy she won over Viola.
I would expect Diane Kruger or Solange to rock this dress, but I was stunned to see J.Law in it, and she was banging! Ladies and gentlemen, this is what an Oscar winner looks like! The color is gorg! The cut-outs are just perfect and the embellishment is wow (or is that a neck piece?) Way to go, girl! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
An angel came down from heaven to attend the globes! End of discussion! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
QUEEN LATIFAHI love it when a butch lesbian lady embraces her femininity! The color is spectacular, the embellishments are just amazing! This is how you dress when you are plus-sized and still want to look glamorous! Yo Latifah, retain this stylist please.
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s observe a minute of silence because the queen of the Seven Galaxies has just arrived! *bows head for a minute*
I screamed when I saw her. Cate is a woman after my fashion heart! How one person manages to look glamorous ALL THE TIME in the most difficult-to-pull-off dresses amazes me! This is the queen! No questions asked! I’m sorry, what did you say? Bey-what? *sprays Mortein* (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
DENIS O’HAREI was going to shout, “Ehen! This is what I am talking about!” And then I saw his shoes! Let me just waka pass maka ndi political correctness, before some people will come and speak English now about masculine stereotypes!
Bhet wait fest, he is a stylist, abi? Why is he at the Globes?
BRYSHERE Y. GRAYI love the patterns in black on the black tux! The length of his pants is just perfect, which is something a lot of men always fail in! He should hire the stylist who did this! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
NATALIE DORMERHelen of Troy came to the Globes – oh wait, it’s Natalie Dormer! The Grecian look is always a winner and she looks refreshing. The dress did all the talking as she kept her hair and accessories minimal. This is clearly a woman who knows that less is more! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
THE “WELL NOT SO BAD”
EVA LONGORIAI was gonna shout slay. Then I looked at the fit of the dress and I wasn’t impressed anymore! It’s either she didn’t do a fitting or she lost weight after her last fitting. Just look at the upper part of a dress and see how she truncated her chance to be on the best dressed list! Such a gorgeous dress, and you had to ruin it, eh Eva?
LUPITA NYONG’ONow this was a dress that was received with a lot of mixed feelings! Everybody was kind of underwhelmed with this look because we all thought Lupita would slam with a fashion hammer. I actually don’t hate this dress; prints are really in and I think that with her body structure, she could pull off the ruffling going on in the upper part of the dress.
The color works for her, but sadly this is not a Golden Globes dress; maybe a film premiere or the People’s Choice Awards. This was not a hit, but neither is it a miss. And Lupita darling, you need to have a conversation with your hair stylist!
KEVIN HARTHe would have been my best dressed guy if not for the fit of the jacket. If you akpanize yourself so much, at least have the decency to buy a new wardrobe to go with your akpanized frame. If he bends over, that jacket will rip to shreds.
This is what happens when it is your daughter’s igba nkwu, and you have to wear lace, but you don’t wanna tie wrapper like all those village old women, so you come up with this, in case they don’t know you are a city woman. I don’t even know where to start honestly. This looks like something Eniola Badmus would wear! 2015 was her year, she was nominated, and THIS is what she chose to wear? TO THE GLOBES?!
This dress ages her by at least 20 years, and the color is not flattering on her; not even all the diamonds on this dress can save her. Viola needs a new stylist; it has been one red carpet disaster after the other! (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
ZENDAYA COLEMANShe is a fun fashion girl and she takes a lot of risks, but honestly, to me, this one fell flat on its face. She looks like those supporting pillars that hold up tents at Nigerian weddings and have fabric bunched up around them.
Sorry darling, but this does not werk for me!
UZO ADUBATo wear sequins, you have to be really skinny, else it will overwhelm you (someone please send that message to Omotola Jalade Ekheinde). This dress makes Uzo look even fatter, and her ministry of waist trainers is making her look uncomfortable. What look was she aiming for really? The devil learns to fly? And her hair, was she attacked by a pack of wolves before the event?
Nne, I am sorry that you are Nigerian and Igbo just like me, mana MBA!
MELISSA MCCARTHYOkay, so I think Melissa burnt her initial dress while ironing it and since she was running late, she unrolled the leftover wrapping from Christmas, made it into a dress and threw it on. I cannot for the life of me figure out how somebody would wear something as ridick as this to the Globes, except of course her stylist is her husband’s side chick! (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
GIULIANA RANCICLast year, she was a pea hen! What is she this time? The scare crow from Orange County? The problem with Giuliana is Giuliana. Nothing she wears will ever work. The girl just does not have the IT factor! She should stop trying! (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
KATE HUDSONThis is certainly not a Golden Globes dress; can I even call this a dress? Remember those days in secondary school when we did cultural dance? Isn’t this what the girls wore? Who styles some of these people bikonu? (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
HEIDI KLUMLast year she was big bird. As if that was not enough, this year she decides to be a porcupine! This girl needs to fire her entire glam squad and eat some Mushin Amala abeg! (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
DAVID OYELOWOI am all about men playing with color and all, but you certainly don’t make a tuxedo out of my secondary school boarding house day wear and expect me to clap for you! Mbanu! My god will not forgive me! (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
What can I say? Do not smoke pot with your mom and still attend an event with her all in one day. They look like they just left the Salvation Army halfway house.
At the end of the day, my Best Dressed Female is a tie between Cate Blanchet and Lady Gaga! And my Worst Dressed Female is Melissa McCarthy! I honestly don’t know what she was thinking!
My Best Dressed Male is Denis O’Hare. I’m sorry but any man who pulls off heels on the red carpet like that has won my heart (please argue with your ancestors). And my Worst Dressed Male is David Oyelowo! Nna, please return FGC Okigwe’s day-wear to them!
Guys, let me know your thoughts!