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Fashion Police: The 67th Primetime Emmy Awards

Hello boys and girls, anybody miss me?

It was the Emmys on Sunday, and I wanted to see the red carpet looks. Now the Emmys is not where you go for ground breaking fashion, because let’s face it, TV stars are lower than the movie stars on the food chain, and also because the Emmys hold outside of the Hollywood award season and the designers are often tired from the main award season and give you whatever they have left.

Meanwhile, I literally screamed when Viola Davis was announced winner. But this post is not about the shows that won. So let’s dive right into the fashion, shall we?

Emmys SofiaSophia Vergara

Bow down, bitches! *sprays insecticide*

Sophia knows what works for her and sticks to it. Some people may say that she does this silhouette all the time, and that would be true somewhat. But hey, why change something when it works? It was almost as if she was melted and poured into the dress, and with Joe Mange-whatever on her arm, you just have to acknowledge that some women really do have it all.

Emmys Kerry Christina EmmaKerry Washington

She is a fashion girl, a risk taker, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. This was an epic fail. She looks like a peahen going to prom. The length of the dress is matronly, it’s almost as if the designer was confused as to what to do and then slapped a ton of appliqué on the dress. The dress looks like an exhibit in a rape case! Sorry Olivia, but this fell flat on its face.

Christina Hendricks

This is how I will dress if my mother-in-law died and I had to pretend to mourn her at the funeral. This dress does nothing for her beautiful figure; it completely swallows her. NEXT!

Emma Roberts

This was one of my best dresses of the night, if it was worn by another woman, someone darker, or at least not as pale as her. This dress completely washes her out. She looks like she was smeared with bronzer alone and sent down the carpet.

Emmys HeidiHeidi Klum

I saw her and I wondered whether Sesame Street was still airing and Big Bird was nominated in a category, and so obviously came to the Emmys. I however looked closely and realized it was Heidi and I was shocked. She looked hideous and fell flat on her style face. There is nothing good to say about this dress whatsoever. She should trash it and fire the stylist who did this to her.

Emmys ViolaViola Davis

First of all, let me say that I was rooting for Viola to win. The acting she delivered as Annalise Keating in the Season 1 of HTGAWM was A-game, and I love that she made Emmys history. Her style however leaves a lot to be desired.

I love natural hair, so I’m going to pretend that I cannot see her hair which looked like a worn-out toilet brush. Then the dress is confusing, more confusing than when I was trying to figure out who killed Lila Stangard. I mean, this was supposed to be an a-line cut, right? So, what was happening in the hip area? Plus, as much as I love white on the red carpet, I’m not big on the fabric of this dress. It sort of looks like her pubic hair was spreading out. I will give her A for effort though. And A for that speech. As for her style… Let’s leave that matter please.

Emmys SarahSarah Hyland

Amazing! Bravo! Wow!

Ordinarily this dress would have aged her, but the drama at the back keeps it fresh. This girl is a damsel after my fashion heart and always leaves me nodding in approval. Nne, jisie ike!

Emmys SamiraSamira Wiley

One word: QUEEN!

I want to bow down and worship her!

End of discussion.

Emmys TarajiTaraji P. Henson

A lot of people were wowed by her look, but to me, it was underwhelming. She just looks okay, which is sad because she was a frontrunner for the category she was nominated, and I expected her to bring her A-game. No, Cookie, this doesn’t work for me.

Emmys Julie Gaga MaggieJulie Bowen

I am in love with this look. The long black dress can easily become boring, but just take a look at the shoulder. This dress is gorg! Her styling is also top notch; the earrings, jewelry and her face – they’re all glowing. My bet is that she had an orgasm just before the Emmys.

Lady Gaga

Mother monster brought it! When I heard she was going to be there, I was as usual expecting her to show up looking like a piece of modern art. She however looks refreshing and freaking amazing when she dresses like a real person. Her pale skin works very well with black, and she still introduced elements of her style with the cascading style.

I love this! Shall we start an online petition that she begins to dress more like a human, please!

Maggie Gyllenhaal

She looks like she is going to prom to hit on teenage boys. I am not wowed by this look, and I cannot get over the tacky waist detailing.

Emmys Laverne Taryn DanielleLaverne Cox

I love color! She brought color and I am nodding in approval. This dress walks the very thin line between classy and slutty, but I think it tipped into classy with those strategically placed cut-outs. She looked really good!

Taryn Manning

She must have been a bat in a previous life, because I cannot for the life of me figure out what she is wearing. Is she learning to fly? Or is she a shape-shifter caught on camera just as she was about to turn into a raven? *sigh*

Look at the stitching sef; was this dress made by a carpenter? Hell to da no!

Danielle Brooks

She looks like a huge float at a Gay Pride parade, key word being huge! The dress is so tight that her armpits are like squeezed amala! Meanwhile, does she have stretch marks? Girl, really? In Hollywood? Ngwa, Bye! *in Chi Gurl’s voice*

Emmys Giuliana UzoGiuliana Rancic

She does look good somewhat, but the truth about her is that NOTHING WORKS ON GIULIANA. It’s not about the dress – it’s her! There is something that she lacks and she’d always look like a dork to me. I am sorry, but that’s how I feel.

Uzo Aduba

She looks like one of our very own James’s paintings! I think I will pass, thank you very much!

Nazanin Boniadi

She looks like she had a stroke and her right hand was paralyzed, and so it hangs limply. Is this supposed to be fashion? God is watching some of these designers o!

Emmys nolan-gould-rico-rodriguezRico Rodriguez and Nolan Gould

Oh look, it’s a young lesbian couple!

67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - ArrivalsJaimie Alexander

She went to a club, stole the disco lights and made a dress out of them. I feel like I need shades to look at her.

Emmys FelicityFelicity Huffman

Michelle Obama wore the red version of this dress to the second inaugural ball, so this is a very good choice. She looks really fit and happy and the color is great for her.

Emmys january-jones-emmys-red-carpet-2015January Jones

She is a fashion girl who pushes the envelope the right way, just like Diane Kruger. This is a fresh take on the jump suit and I am nodding in approval. Great color too and that brooch just killed me.

Emmys amy-schumer-emmy-awardsAmy Schumer

She is smiling because she ate all the cake, candy and chocolate at the event, and now her dress is threatening to rip.

Emmys JessicaJessica Pare

I don’t know who she is but she nailed it! Best dressed 100%.

The dress did all the talking, so she kept everything to a minimum. The color is gorgeous and complements her skin, and the detailing in front killed me!

This girl is perfection!

And that’s it from me. Let us know your thoughts on the red carpet moments of the Primetime Emmys.

Written by John Ocean


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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4 comments

  1. About Taryn… ‘Is she learning to fly? Or is she a shape-shifter caught on camera just as she was about to turn into a raven?’
    Hahahahahahahahahaa… John Ocean, you no be am at all.

  2. LOL. His comments slayed me. Chai!!! I don’t even know which one is my best comment. And yes, that your best dressed did it for me too. She is gorge!!!

  3. Best dressed:it was tough choosing between Sarah Hyland and January Jones but I’ll give it to Sarah Hyland .

    Worst dressed: Heidi Klum, her version of Rihanna’s Met gala dress.

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