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FASHION POLICE: The 47th NAACP Image Awards

Hello boys and girls, it’s John Oceans again. Hopefully, you will be hearing a lot from me this period because it’s the Hollywood award season and the red carpet is buzzing with fashion. I will be reporting on the hits, misses and the “oh no she didn’t!”

It was the NAACP Image awards last week and Yours Truly went over the photos from the red carpet. So pour yourselves glasses of Sherry please, and let’s do this.

THE HITS

GABRIELLE UNIONNAACP-1This babe has truly discovered the fountain of youth. It’s almost as if she hasn’t aged a day since Deliver Us From Eva. This is a stunning dress with plenty drama, but notice how she kept her hair and accessories minimal to allow the dress do all the talking. This is a woman who knows her fashion onions and I wish I can see more of her on red carpets.

TRACEY ELLIS-ROSSNAACP-2This was quite surprising to see. Who would have thought she had it in her. Amazing! Flawless! This is a very beautiful look and her boobs are quite nice (motor boat, anyone?). Black dresses can be very basic but with the bit of sparkle that was added to this one, aunty is a winner. (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)

LAVERNE COXNAACP-3YASS!

She brought it! Girl redeemed herself from the SAG awards disaster! (Review on that coming up soon). Everything was on fleek here! Nne came to slay biko! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)

WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT-SMITHNAACP-4These two people are always so perfect, it’s unnerving! I’m hoping for a scandal from their household, like she caught him with the driver lol.

Her dress is stunning and his black tie/black shirt combo is a winner!

YARA SHAHIDINAACP-5Clean effortless glamour! Amazing! Simplicity can truly be elegant! She reminds me of Nneka.

MICHAEL B. JORDANNAACP-7Was he melted and poured into the tuxedo? Damn! Fits him like glove! Everything on fleek!

*

THE ERM…OKAY

ESTELLENAACP-9Something just doesn’t look right about this dress, and I am thinking that the problem with it is Estelle herself. She just doesn’t have the IT factor.

BRYSHERE Y. GRAYNAACP-10I know men should push the envelope with their tuxedo and all, but there are some clothes made for the disco and some made for the red carpet! This looks like something that Alex Ekubo or Uti Nwachukwu would wear and tag it SLAY. I just want to yank off that jacket and use it to wrap a birthday present! Unkul, it’s not werking!

GABOUREY SIDIBENAACP-11(*aside* John, it’s a new year, please be nice to people)

I won’t criticize this girl. I am actually worried about her health, because her obesity is spiraling out of control. This is the biggest I have seen her look and she is wearing a slimming color. This girl needs a bypass ASAP. Mushin ministry people, print this picture and put on your cubicle wall, so every time you want to eat amala, you remember this and drop it.

TIKA SUMPTERNAACP-12This girl shops at Yaba under bridge, no doubt about it. Look closely at the dress and see if I am lying. This is bend-down-select at its best.

AMBER RILEYNAACP-13This one that will not leave pounded yam and isi-ewu alone is rocking crop top? Chai, person don suffer! She looks like a hot air balloon about to float away.

LAURA GOVANNAACP-14Sucking belle make shirt fine! Lol. Nne, breathe, make you no faint.

WENDY ROBINSONNAACP-15Clearly she was a peacock in a former life, which is the only explanation for this mess. Did Omotola pass the baton to you? Because she holds the patent on bird-inspired fashion.

*

THE ‘WHO DID THIS TO YOU?’

NATURI NAUGHTONNAACP-16She looks like a classy escort going to a party for perverted old billionaires. Girl looks very uncomfortable; waist trainers go kill these girls one day. Plus the boobs are very tacky, like we can literally see her areolas. This is downright tacky and screams “Unilag runs babe”.

SERAYAHNAACP-17Legs and shoulders at the same time?

NO!

MONIQUE COLEMANNAACP-18Too much is going on here, like her way-too-many trends have made her look ratchet. Where does she get inspiration from? Beyoncé’s videos? With all the embellishments and the cut-outs, she still rocks a thigh high slit? Edakun! (WORST DRESS NOMINEE)

KERRY WASHINGTONNAACP-19It beats me how this lady never seems to get her fashion right! I am very confused by this dress, I feel like something is very wrong here. When you are an A-list TV actress and you show up on a red carpet looking like a rape victim, people should really be concerned.

It looks like the inner black dress was torn, and then her stylist gave her a slip to wear which was tied underneath the bust area. Biko if you don’t have anything to wear, STAY AT HOME! It’s not that serious. THIS IS AN EPIC FAIL AND SHE IS A WORST DRESSED NOMINEE WITH 4 STARS.

KEKE PALMERNAACP-20She looks like a ghost who died by hanging herself in her nightdress! Abeg waka go front! (WORST DRESS NOMINEE)

KHADIJA AND MALIKA HAQQNAACP-21They look like Karishikas! Downright tacky! See eh, with class, it’s either you have it or you don’t, nothing in between.

ANITA HAWKINSNAACP-22She must have a stable full of zebras, so it’s only natural for her to slaughter a couple of them and skin them for the material to have this fabric made. On top of that, she is practicing how to fly, so again, let’s cut her some slack. Oh, and aunty, next time pay attention to your crotch area. The finish there is tacky! (WORST DRESS NOMINEE)

OVERALL BEST DRESSED is Laverne Cox,

OVERALL WORST DRESSED is Kerry Washington! I believe her Nigerian in-laws who want their son to marry an Igbo girl are doing these things to her lol.

Cheers!


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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8 comments

  1. This really got me laughing.

    Your perspective are true, but very hilarious

  2. LMAO! John Ocean, you are hilarious! And your barbs at fat celebrities… You must be very skinny. But you’re right though. Gabourey should really take a leaf from Jennifer Hudson’s book and start working on her weight. Jeez, girl! Are you looking to explode one day? It’s because of her obesity that the internet lashed out at her love scene on Empire. Pretty sure that if she were slimmer, the backlash at that love scene wouldn’t have happened. There was just something eww-ish about her snuggling with that hot guy.

  3. Hello Walter, I’m not able to view images on the blog.

  4. Keke Palmer ‘s dress is almost falling off o!!

  5. LOL @ all the comments!!!!

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