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FASHION POLICE: The 22nd Screen Actors Guild Awards

Hello Guys

It’s John Oceans again, and we are here for the Screen Actors Guild Awards. So yes, the SAG Awards was held last week, and let’s face it: that is not the home of big Hollywood fashion, majorly because many of the “big aunties” of Hollywood don’t bother to show face.

Sha, just enjoy what I was able to put together, and feel free to sound off in the comments section if you disagree.

THE WINNERS

EMILIA CLARKESAG 1Very beautiful dress, very beautiful cut. This is not an easy dress to wear, you have to be flat-chested like Lupita (no vex) to rock this look, and this babe nailed it. Minimal use of accessories allowed the dress to do the talking. The auntie try abeg, let’s clap for her.

ROONEY MARASAG 2Thank God she salvaged herself from that washed-out mess she had on at the Golden Globes. I love it whenever the envelope is pushed with a black dress, and this one came out lovely. But she should smile small na, abi person snatch her boyfriend?

ANNA FARISSAG 3Listen up Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie, this is how you do legs. You have to decide whether to do legs or to do cleavage. It’s never good to do both of them at the same time. Anna followed the rules and slayed in a warm color. I only wish she rocked another color of clutch. (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)

RACHEL MCADAMSSAG 4I loved the detailing of this dress. It looks like she was wearing sheer and nude underneath but she is actually well covered up. I cannot understand what is going on with her hair though, but the dress gives her a pass.

QUEEN LATIFAHSAG 5I think my girl has a new stylist, because she has been slaying every red carpet in recent times. Sequins is a very hard fabric to pull off, especially when you are not exactly slim, but somehow she pulled it off, plus the black brought in a good balance. Every other thing was minimal. She slayed! End of story. (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)

HELEN MIRRENSAG 6The queen!

THE END! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)

UZO ADUBASAG 7See how much better she looks without suffocating waist trainers? I like the color and the pop of red. With this, I believe she has redeemed herself a bit from the Golden Globe black disaster.

SARAH PAULSONSAG 8Good work, girl! Appliqué-ed bodice and velvet are amongst the hardest things to wear ever and she tried it. This was a winner for me.

GIULIANA RANCICSAG 9First time ever that Giuliana looks like a human being and not a scarecrow or peahen. The detailing is cute, and even though this dress can be overwhelming, her tiny frame did justice to it. She try…small.

ELLIE KEMPERSAG 10Graphic prints are very tricky to pull off, but they worked this time. Good work.

*

THE FENCISTS

JULIANNE MOORESAG 11I think Julianne exudes old Hollywood glamour effortlessly. So anytime she tries to be fashion forward, she fails woefully. This is a beautiful dress, but I don’t think Julianne pulled this off.

SOFIA VERGARASAG 12Beautiful color and stunning dress, but I am bored. Sofia has done this silhouette way too many times, it’s gotten old. The mark of a true fashionista is versatility (no pun intended). So this does nothing for me. Make I see road abeg.

CLAIRE DANESSAG 13Beautiful dress, but the fitting is not perfect. So just an okay look…NEEEXXXXXT!

CHRISTINA HENDRICKSSAG 14This dress is very confusing. It feels like high school further mathematics all over again. Are the sleeves half removed? Is the shoulder falling out? Is that a cape? These are questions she must answer.

KATE WINSLETSAG 15Beautiful dress with a perfect body, but she has rocked this in blue before, so we are not wowed.

*

THE ‘DEAR GOD OF HEAVEN!’

JANUARY JONESSAG 16Hmmm! I am torn with this look. She is one of my favorite fashion girls along with Diane Kruger, but to be honest, she looks like a giant candy floss, even the vibrant color couldn’t save her ass. Sorry nne, but this is not werking.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUSSAG 17Yes, I know Julia is not exactly a fashion girl, but come on! The length of this dress is horrible and the entire look aged her at least 20 years. I think the designer was confused, started out with knee length and then changed her mind and went for floor length, but unfortunately the fabric finished, so she stopped there. Some stylists sha are evil, tufiakwa. (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)

NICOLE KIDMANSAG 18Who dressed her? Stevie Wonder? I can’t deal abeg! She should be a flag held during gay pride or during a Donald Trump rally.

VIOLA DAVISSAG 19What is going on with my Annalise bikonu? What is it sef? Every red carpet has been a disaster? Nne, your village people do you? This would have been a stunning look if she changed the color and made sure it fit perfectly. What is it sef with these women and wrinkled dresses? How much is a Binatone iron abeg?

BRIE LARSONSAG 20Eiyaa, Dennis Macaulay’s dogs must have attacked her shortly before the awards, but the show must go on. Pardon her and blame DM for not training his dogs.

EVA LONGORIASAG 21*sigh* Where do I start? Did she rip her grandma’s sweater and make a gown out of it? She had a big year with her new show, but her fashion has been very disappointing. At least, fit the dress properly na, nne, so you don’t look like an iron sponge for washing Mama Emeka’s black pots. (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)

LAVERNE COXSAG 22Way too many trends in one look, drapery, legs, cut outs, shoulder, Grecian – No, no, no! Too much going on! And she was having such a big fashion year! EPIC FAIL! (I’m however glad she redeemed herself with the stunning look at the NAACP Image Awards)

SARAH HYLANDSAG 23Beautiful dress, if she was 20 years older. I see this dress and I think Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock. This dress and hair aged her so much. As a young girl, she should learn how to dress her age and play with fashion, not looking like auntie mmadu.

KATE MARASAG 24Seeing as someone did this look at the globes, I would have thought she would skip wearing this. And any dress that puts all your nipples on display is downright tacky!

My Best Dressed is of course Queen Latifah.

My Worst Dressed hands down is Eva Longoria.

Cheers!


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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One comment

  1. How can u say Eva Longoria is the worst dressed when Nicole Kidman is there looking like a rag doll?

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