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Fashion Police: BET Awards 2015

Hey guys, its John Oceans again. Since my last post, I have met someone, fallen in love, cheated and gotten dumped. So, I’m back on the market again. Any takers?

Anyway, it was the BET awards last Sunday, and I was kinda, sorta disappointed with the Red Carpet. There was no Wow factor, nothing very breathtaking – like perhaps, a Kardashian getting a PhD. So, here’s my judgment of the Red Carpet. Check on it, and either send out arrest warrants for the offenders you agree with me or bail money for those you don’t.

THE GOOD

BET ZendayaZendaya Coleman

One word – Flawless, Amazing! Oh shoot, that’s two. Zendaya was all shades of fabulous in this dress. Yes, it’s a bit too short, but the former Patchouli-Oil-And-Weed starlet pulled it off!

BET RihannaRihanna

This girl is a star after my fashion heart – a style savant. What is amazing about Riri is that clothes that other women would look trashy in leave her looking classy. She can show up naked at an event and still look classy – Oh that’s right, she already did that. She is a star!

2015 BET Awards - ArrivalsJeremih

Winner! So many trends going on in one outfit, yet it came together beautifully well.

BET Nicole Ari ParkerNicole Ari Parker

Two words: Bow Down. (I want to add ‘Bitches’, but I’m afraid those haven’t finished paying their respects to Queen Bey).

BET Machine Gun KellyMachine Gun Kelly

Slay! I love when men rock some color on the red carpet. I love the red jacket and the skinny jeans. This one is a winner! Good one!

BET Flo RidaFlo Rida

Real men wear pink, but they make sure the length is perfect and they wear appropriate shoes.

BET Tracee Ellis RossTracee Ellis Ross

She’s easily the best dressed for the night, hands down. She looks classy and elegant, but not Oscar-ish! Love, love, love!

BET Floyd MayweatherFloyd Mayweather

And he is easily the best dressed man, hands down! Best use of color ever!

BET Janaelle MonaeJanaelle Monae

She looks like a sexy vampire! All shades of awesome. Good one.

2015 BET Awards - ArrivalsKendrick Lamar

I absolutely love this guy, so I may not be able to give an objective review. There’s something ruggedly sexy going for him with this look. Generally though, he can do no wrong in my rule book!

 

THE ERM…OKAY

2015 BET Awards - ArrivalsAmber Rose and Blac Chyna

Yes, they made a political statement with their kiss and all, but how they end up looking like hoes in classic white pant suits beats my imagination.

BET Laverne CoxLaverne Cox

I was very underwhelmed by this look. She does look good, but the choice is way too safe and the hemline of her pants does not work for me. I get that the BET is not her turf, but she doesn’t have to look like the side chick of a dead billionaire at his funeral.

BET Nicki MinajNicki Minaj

Biko, who put together this dress? Looks like the work of an obioma tailor. I like that she is wearing a clean silhouette and has done away with her ridiculous costumes, but the tailoring and finishing of this dress is just sad.

2015 BET Awards - ArrivalsBrandy

I am on the fence about this look. The design looks less than perfect around the waist area. I am a sucker for natural hair, so she gets props for her hair. Plus her pink shoes are adorbs, she did not do the whole matchy-matchy look!

Bhet the big question is – What is going on with her career sef? The singing career, not the Broadway career…

2015 BET Awards - ArrivalsJussie Smollet

I mean he can afford an iron, no? Showing up to the BET in a rumpled outfit is a big NO-NO!

On the bright side, his shoes add a little whimsy to an otherwise classic look, but I still cannot get over the wrinkles!

BET KarruecheKarrueche Tramp – sorry, Tran

She looks okay, but the bra looks like one of my mom’s baking pans for crusted cakes.

BET Lala AnthonyLala Anthony

Bikonu who is this? Way too many trends in one look; it’s almost as if she collided with a rainbow. Less is more, honey!

2015 BET Awards - ArrivalsLisaRaye McCoy

If she had lined the dress, it would have been one of my best looks of the night. But she looks trashy with everything hanging out for the world to see. Her ‘Olympus has fallen’ gazungos are worlds apart from each other. Trying too hard to look young, eh missy?

BET Michael B JordanMichael B. Jordan

Oga, if you must buy a suit off the rack, find a tailor and get it fitted to your body! This is embarrassing. Nice shoes though.

 

THE WTF

BET CiaraCiara

With her hot body and all, this is what Ciara chose to wear? 50 cents must have changed the settings of her brain with all that nacking!

This dress is ill-fitting and hideous, and I just wanna cut a bit of it out to wash the back of my grandmother’s pot.

BET Christina MilanChristina Milan

*sigh* Where does she shop? Whore ‘r’ Us? This dress is tacky on a scale on 1 to tacky. And it did not do justice to her amazing body.

BET Kelly RowlandKelly Rowland

Hey, look guys, big bird was chopped into two, dyed black and sent down the red carpet. NEEEEEEEEXXXXT! *in Marki Costello’s voice*

BET Chris BrownChris Brown

Look who escaped from Betty Ford. Where do I even start? If I saw this guy walking towards me on the street, I would hold close to me my wallet and smartphone. And those shoes? Yaba under bridge, anyone?

BET Angela SimmonsAngela Simmons

She looks trashy! Did she swallow a kid before attending?

2015 BET Awards - ArrivalsJazzmin Sullivan

Oh look, it’s the angel from hoe-ven! This was an epic fail on all levels. First of all, peplum dresses are for women without hips to give the illusion of hips. Think peplum and think Blake Lively and Giuliana Ranstick – sorry, Rancic. But this one with her massive hips squeezed herself into peplum with her boobs spilling out? Sister, no.

This was one of my worst looks of the night.

 


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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14 comments

  1. ‘Former Patchouli-Oil-And-Weed starlet…’
    LMAO!
    John Oceans, you’re insane.

  2. Well, I hear Christina Millian now has a reality show. So, I suppose it’s only proper for her to tailor her couture to the trashy image associated with reality stars.

  3. Kelly Rowland could actually flap her arms and she’ll take flight. When would some of these ladies learn to dress properly? You’re black does not mean you’ve got to be thrash.

  4. *screams at the top of my voice….spittle raining on Mr Ocean (11?)* DON’T YOU DARE MOCK MY BLAKE LIVELY!!!!

    *takes a deep breath…….in a Zen voice*

    You may carry on.

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Hahahahahaaa. See this one. Blake is exclusively someone else’s. Shey you know… The Green Lantern, I think.

  5. LMAO. Chris Brown has been perfectly described. He really looks like a thief. hahahahaha

  6. I can’t even chose my best comment of the whole lot. LOL @ Did she swallow a baby…?

  7. First of all, Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love this guy jare. I’d been waiting for this all week.

    For me, Rihanna won best look, hands UP and DOWN!! Classy on every level!!

    Beht, how come you didn’t make any reference to Meek Mills in his “Oga police” posture? Surely, that was too obvious to miss.. Which is he, really? Fiancé or bodyguard?

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