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DRIVING WITH CRAZY

Introducing a new fictional series on MyMindSnaps, and this telling is hilarious, trust me, folks. I’ve read, and I had quite the laugh. The writer of the series is Nky Otike-Odibi, and below is her offering. Read and enjoy.

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Five months ago, Taye proposed to Nenadi, one of my best friends in the most romantic way possible. Well, to some it was really romantic. You see Nenadi and Taye were intellectuals or ‘I-too-know’s, whichever you like. They attributed their chemistry to this ‘I-too-knowism’; and so when Taye had proposed by spelling out the words ‘Will you marry me?’ in their scrabble game while they were on holiday in Dubai, it was romantic by Taye standards.

Anyway, five minutes later, Nenadi was on the phone with me and we were screaming our earlobes to dysfunction. Finally! There would be a wedding, and at the right time too. I was beginning to feel like I hadn’t had any owambes in a while. So what better way to get out of my rut than with my best friend’s wedding?

Before I go on, I realize I haven’t introduced myself, this kind of thing happens often when I’m giving gist. My name is Aisha Usman. I’ve been friends with Nenadi for as long as I can remember. We’ve convinced some people that we are cousins because we both come from Southern Kaduna, Nigeria.

So back to my gist; after months of running around, the wedding had finally come and we were to leave in a couple of hours for the airport to leave Lagos for Kaduna. Nenadi’s parents had refused to compromise on the location. They insisted it would be back home, or they wouldn’t attend, hence the cross country journey.

Most of the guests had already arrived Kaduna, most had flown down the day before, because everyone knew the hassle involved in going from Lagos to Kaduna especially during the holidays. It was the busiest weekend of the year – the weekend before the New Year – and Taye, the prompt one of the two love birds, had drummed it into everyone’s ears that we had to get to the airport on time so we wouldn’t miss our flight. But as they say, opposites attract. Nena, as I called her, couldn’t be on time or organized to save her life. I’d come to accept that lateness was in her DNA. So as usual, she managed to delay everyone, and we ended up leaving the house an hour twenty minutes to the scheduled time for the flight.

We eventually made our way through the forest of thorns that was Lagos traffic, and got to the airport with all of thirty minutes before the flight was scheduled to take off. We checked in and found our way to the waiting lounge. Just as we got settled in the lounge, we heard the announcement that our flight would be delayed due to bad weather. The woman’s voice must have triggered something in Nenadi’s head because she jumped suddenly. We all turned to look at her as she shrieked, “Aisha! I forgot the shoes!”

Before I go on, there is a story behind these shoes. Nena was a shoe lover. When she passed her exams, she treated herself with shoes. When she lost weight, she treated herself with shoes.

But this particular pair was special. For the past six years, we had both put away some money every month so we could comfortably afford a pair of Louboutins for our wedding days, which would set us back more than a hundred thousand. Before Taye proposed we had saved about eighty thousand each, but when the marriage became imminent Nena bought hers. So you see why these shoes couldn’t be left behind… Now back to the story. I knew Nena had to wear those shoes or she would remember it whenever she looked at her wedding pictures, so I volunteered to go back and get them as fast as I could. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Within seconds, I was in a cab headed home. Lagos traffic was proving to be the enemy of my progress. I screamed at the driver to drive faster so much that he must have wondered at various points during the drive: “Kilonse eleyi…

After what felt like two hours, I got to the house and just as I got to the door, Nena called me. “Aisha! They just announced boarding. Where are you?”

My jaw dropped. What happened to the bad weather that was delaying the plane now? I told her I had just gotten to the house and would be on my way in a minute. It took me almost ten to find the bag with the pair of shoes. I learned that day that running down the road with a bag containing a box of Louboutins in one hand and trying not to draw too much attention to oneself are two immiscible issues. When I got to the road, it was like I had a serious case of chicken pox. No cab would stop for me to get in. In all my years of staying in Lagos, I’d never waited that long for a taxi. Finally I got one and I almost fought the driver to let me drive. He must have seen that my desperation was not ordinary, because he got to the airport in about twenty minutes. A new record!

I was so happy to have made it. Nena and Taye had already boarded but the plane had not taken off yet. I made my way to the desk of the gate agent, and she asked for my boarding pass. I felt like I’d just survived the war; I probably looked like it too because some people were staring at me. I began to search the bag for my boarding pass to handover. I searched the first time, nothing. Brought out the box and searched again, nothing. Then it hit me.

I’d left my boarding pass in the room!

TO BE CONTINUED.

Written by Nky Otike-Odibi, tweets @Nky_Otk

About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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29 comments

  1. The gods of forgetting things must have visited dis Aisha and Nena…these girls will likely get to the hospital before they remember they had forgotten the pregnancy they came to deliver at home…Nice one.
    What got me Rotfl was ‘Finally I got one and I almost fought the driver to let me drive. He must have seen that my desperation was not ordinary, because he got to the airport in about twenty minutes. A new record!’
    Can you imagine dragging steering with a lagos taxi driver and the driver having to recognize ur desperacy enough to turn his taxi to a chopper???

    • shakespeareanwalter

      ‘these girls will likely get to the hospital before they remember they had forgotten the pregnancy they came to deliver at home’… Hahahahahahahahaa!!! Oh Wole, you don kill me.

  2. Correct dilemma. I don laugh sotay my belle dey ache. Awesome read Nky.

  3. Very funny, I wonder how Ashia felt at dat point.

  4. I bind every spirit of forgetfulness oo…haba! I’m a believer of all things having a reason, so l believe there is a reason….*sigh

  5. LOL.. Interesting read. Hurry Hurry no good sha.

  6. Kai……nice one,nice strt…….d one dt gt m wz “Lateness wz in her DNA”,it reminds me of me……Last minute prep has bcum part of m….I duno if itz craziness or a turn on…..I jst pray I dnt go late 4 m own Wedding!!!!

    • shakespeareanwalter

      Hahahaahaa!!! Abeg o, Esiev. Or else you will give an unlucky bridegroom an early heart attack. #PotentialDumpingAtTheAltar

    • Phait, U know you also transfer dat syndrome to my blood. This days, I wait for the 11th hour b4 I conclude on any preparation.

  7. Lol. One helluva crazy day for the girls I’d say. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Laughing so loud and making evry1 in d wondering whether I’m alright!!! So funny. Imagine d taxi driver noticing her agitation to d extent of making d to journey of 2hrs in 20 mins fro!!!! Chai! Oh boy, dis one is gonna b real interesting and hilarious! Good job, keep it up…

  9. Deliciously hilarious! Nice one, Nky!

  10. Loves it! Loves it! Loves it! Lmao!

  11. Haaaaaa!!!! Gbege haff set o.

  12. Oh shit!!

  13. She forgot the boarding pass in the friggin ROOM?????? 😮 😮 😮

    LOL nice one!!!

  14. Forget boarding pass for inside room? Haba!!…In a typical Nigerian setting, they will say that the old woman in her village is very potent…..just saying.

    Ladies and Time…..sworn enemies since 500 B.C!

  15. I like the narrative particulary wen she described the groom’s way of proposing. In his i too knowish mind.
    Hilarious piece, really looking forward to the next episode.

  16. Aisha’s character reminded me of my first time trip to Abuja via Aero.. I forgot my boarding in the ladies. I was asked to tender my boarding pass and dt was when I discovered that it was missing. Thank goodness! A good fellow came running with my boarding pass with her. She handed it over to me and said * You are careless*.. lmao

  17. An entire case file she is. 🙂

    It’s very possible she doesn’t have the shoe with her, perhaps she has just the shoe box, or one piece of the pair. Seems someone will have to forgo an anticipated owambe jollification.

    I like this telling, smooth sonthin.

  18. I like the story already!
    Sorry dear….I think you should transfer some of that desperation from the taxi driver to the gate agent…or else, your owambe will be via Skype…

  19. ladies and CL… dont no what is in that shoe. Very hilarious piece. Tanx walter for sharing.

  20. OHK! So, shoes were forgotten and as though that wasn’t enough bad luck for a whole day, you also forgot your boarding pass like seriously??? How much more can go wrong in barely 24hrs??? This wedding sounds pretty jaded and the lot of you; jinxed! Should be real interesting to see how you’d wriggle, talk abi ‘drive’ your way outta this one! Plus, if only the gate agent were male, if only….LMAO!

  21. Hahahahahaha. It haf be…

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