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CRIMINALLY INSANE: Edition 2

Today, the focus will slightly shift from ‘clueless’ patients to ‘clueless’ health providers. May God deliver us from these killers.

YOU ARE a health provider. Check

You have not tested yourself for the presence of viral infections like Hep B and C. Check.

You have not even had your shots (i.e being vaccinated). Check.

You still live dangerously and claim you have done this job for Methuselah years, so nothing ‘fit to happen’. Check.

Ngwa, clap for yasef. I gbanigo. Congrats on being a ticking bomb waiting to explode. Done? Eh hen, take your belongings to the isolation ward. Your strait jacket is waiting for you. In fact, UNHRC is on your case as we speak. Oshi!

Reason: Do you have an idea the number of Nigerians living with viral hepatitis? How many get infected daily? Do you know how expensive it is to treat these infections? Ask any person you know living positively with Hep C or B. Do you even realise that it takes a second to get infected? I guess not. Continue deceiving yourself, inugo? The Health and Safety protocol in your facility is just old wives’ tale, abi? Kontinu. Please, acquaint yourself with the protocol and stop posing a threat to yourself, your colleagues, your neighbours and family, even strangers and your enemies because prevention is the cheapest cure. Receive sense.

EH-HEN, OGA abi Madam Charlatan, shebi you are now jack-of-all-trades and master-of-none abi? You don open head office for ya neighbour dem head abi? Issokay. You have a ‘shop’ where you sell medicine (prescription and non prescription). Na there you dey do ‘lab’ where you tell people they have ‘sugar’ and ‘cholesterol’ (What a diagnosis!). In the same room, you perform illicit abortions and all manner of ‘choppery’ (not surgery) and give injections and ‘mix’ medicines. You try! And they even call you ‘doctor’ abi na ‘nurse’ and ya head is ‘bigging’, ehkwa? Clap for yasef. In fact, your case pass hospital. You should share a jail cell with terrorists, mass murderers, serial killers and so on, because na the same mama born all of una.

Reason: Medicine is multidisciplinary. And because of the sensitivity to human life, you MUST as a matter of responsibility, learn and hone your craft. It is criminal to do what you are not trained and licensed for. In fact, no one should spare you if they catch you. They must seal that your ‘chop shop’ and sue the pants off you.

SHEBI YOU are Doctor Ezeonyeagwalam aka He-that-must-be-obeyed aka I-sabi-pass. I hear o. You will now come and go and be treating somebody, the person is not responding to your treatment, and instead of referring it to someone who is an expert in the field (a consultant) or even updating your knowledge or even befriending Google and Cousins, you keep gambling with your patient’s life. Oya, join your colleague up there in the jail cell.

Reason: There is beauty in division of labour. That is why there are Doctors, Lab Scientists, Physiotherapists, Nurses, Rheumatologists – in fact, all manner of ‘-ologists’ in Medicine. If the case no gree you, uncle abi na aunty, abeg, present cephalic to someone more knowledgeable than you are. It is sexier that way. And if you are sued by someone who is not satisfied with how their case is being handled, your own don gbef be dat. You have a choice. Upgrade your knowledge or refer that case to someone who has upgraded. Humans are not guinea pigs abeg.

Until the next update, keep receiving sense Nigerians! Udo!

PS: Path-Care – pathology that adds value. Visit the location near you or www.pathcarenigeria.com for a list of locations in Nigeria.

Written by Nene Ezike


About shakespeareanwalter

Walt Shakes(@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter.

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10 comments

  1. When I saw the title I flew in on a chopper, screaming in excitement till I got here. Only to find that…*tear*. Oh what a…*more tears*

  2. Lol @ madam charlatan, jack of all trades and master of none…
    We had one of those in my childhood neighbourhood. Mama Nurse, she was called. She worked officially as a chief nurse in the government hospital, and unofficially as a doctor, pharmacist, nurse, pediatrician, dermatician, and all sorts of other ‘cian’s there exists amongst the neighbours. Her word was gold. Once Mama Nurse has said it is this, there was no need to go to the hospital for a second opinion. Until we moved, there was no scandal that beclouded her set-up, but as an adult now, I often think about her and the ignorance of our neighbours and I shake my head. This life nawa o…

    • LMAO @ Dermatician.

    • @Mandy. She may have got away with it but it is very unethical. Very wrong. Anything could have gone wrong and because no one knows to sue in this country, it would have been swept under the carpet. I can’t finish saying how wrong it is sha but it is very, very wrong of her to do that. She was actually impersonating another professional which should earn her jail time.

  3. Personally I have to confess I’m scared of vaccines having seen various forms of reaction to the them. I haven’t bothered with the hepatitis one since I don’t work with blood at all but after this your post, I might just close eye and get it over with.

  4. I think I’ve talked about the last part in the past (maybe no be here). Doctors can be very greedy especially those who work in or own private practices. It’s all about how much they can suck from the patient before they send them off to someone who’s wiser in handling their issues. The hustle is very real and dangerous with private practice docs. No patient = no salary

    Lord knows I can’t work in private practice sha. Thank God for federal govt work. Patient or no patient, you get your pay at the end of the month thus less exposure to greedy practices.

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