In a restaurant, I am sitting at a table with a woman. Of course, we share jokes and occasionally lean into each other to laugh with our foreheads almost touching – the same way we lean away from each other to throw our heads back in laughter. Intermittently, I reach out my hands to caress her knuckles with the pad of my thumb. At a point, she might twist a lock of my hair between her fingers while holding my gaze.
Maybe everyone loves the way my friend and I are “interacting”. Maybe some people stare at us – two women displaying signs of lesbian leanings – with scorn etched on their faces. Whatever happens, there is a possibility no one would confront us.
Let us imagine it were two men being this affectionate with each other. Would people be so accepting of them?
Selective homophobia is real! For some reason, society “tolerates” two women together, not two men together. Talk about double standards. Why is society willing to forgive gay women, not gay men?
From my conversations with heterosexual men, I have come to realise one thing: They are scared gay men would sexualise them and treat them the same way they treat women. They tell me things like, “I don’t want someone to rape my ass.” Beneath the veneer of “tough” masculinity lurks fear. Here I was thinking masculinity were as tough as diamond.
If you are okay with two women together, you should be okay with two men together, vice versa. Homophobia is homophobia. Do not be homophobic when convenient.
Truly, I do not understand what stirs hate in the hearts of these homophobes. You need a sane reason to be homophobic. Oops! A phobia is an irrational fear or dislike – there cannot be a sane reason. If only they could set aside their prejudice and ask themselves, “How are gay people hurting people?” “It’s disgusting,” is not enough reason. What about love triggers hate and disgust? No day passes without me tossing this question against the walls of my mind in a bid to get a sensible answer thrown right back at me.
Complete the hate hustle! Let us know you hate something that is not hurting you.
The point of this article is not to dissuade you from being prejudiced. Far from it. It is okay to have whatever prejudice, but keep it inside your chest. Keep it to yourself. Leave God – whichever god you believe in – to do his/her/its job. Do not let your hate make you hurt someone that is not hurting you in any way; that is all I ask.
P.S. It is dumb to say, “I am homophobic. I hate the act, not gay people”. Here is the definition of homophobia: “The fear and dislike of homosexuals.”
Some people would dredge up words of scripture to back their hateful stance while forgetting those books are not guidelines for morality. Any book that supports all forms of oppression is hardly a guideline for morality. Were it so, Nigeria – very religious Nigeria – would not have one of the highest rates of corruption in the world. Funny enough, that same Leviticus (Lev 11: 9-12) says no one should eat catfish, crayfish, shrimps, oysters, and lobsters; no one should touch women on their periods, however, we do these things. So, we are all going to hell then.
Books preaching peace and love are the basis of prejudice. Sadly, these prejudices are based on factors individuals did not choose. Do you think people choose behaviours that ostracise them in society?
Then that part of the Nigerian constitution that says “fourteen years”. Ha! No wonder they say the best place to hide something from a Nigerian is in a book. How many people have taken their time to read the Nigerian Criminal Code Act Chapter 77 Part VI, Chapter 21? It states anyone that “has carnal knowledge of any person against the order of nature” is culpable. Yet some heterosexual people have anal and oral sex – these are unnatural sexual acts – and no one is freaking out. They use lube the same way gay men use lube. I really do not understand.
But seriously, how are people homophobic whilst indulging in unnatural sexual acts with their opposite-sex partners? The hypocrisy!
Written by Cisi Eze