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Chronicles

THERE WAS A BOY

And we raise psychopaths. These are the parents who blame the government for their woes and yet can’t raise their own children to be sane, civil, courteous, law-abiding and functional individuals. My friend came to see me with her son this morning. He was a seven-year-old. At the door, I ...

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BEHOLD, THE POST OFFICE

I get a call in the morning. The connection is very bad – hissing static and a caller’s voice that keeps crackling in and out of focus. “Hello… Are you Walter Ude… Have a package… Come to our office…” “Hello, hello, I can’t hear you well, sir,” I keep saying ...

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KINDRED SPIRITS

You know how sometimes you lock yourself up, turn off the lights and shut the blinds because you’re trying to hide the cracks? You know how some days you wake up with a loud hiss because you keep wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life? You know how ...

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In The Dark

It is early morning. You lean over with a groan and your arm brushes against naked skin. Your drowsy brain isn’t sure what your hand touched so you go for a second pass. You grab unto a cheek. You squeeze. Your dick yawns a protracted yawn and opens its one ...

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Rape Is Not Only When There’s Blood And A Crying Girl

I can’t say I remember exactly how it started but on the night I just got home, slightly tipsy from alcohol, my brothers and I got into an argument about consent that left me going “What the fuck?” You are on twitter and you see random people saying these outrageous ...

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WHO WILL SUPPORT THE MINISTRY OF GOD?

I was recently in an Aba-bound bus from Umuahia. I was seated by the window, slightly regretting the fact that my phone battery was low and so I couldn’t occupy my mind with music from my playlist. But I had a book in hand, and even though motion sickness nipped ...

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A TALE OF A NIGERIAN MAN’S WOES AND THEREAFTER

The Taxify driver showed me a big black welt on his neck. It ran around his neck, bluish black, swollen. He told me that in October, he had gone to a real estate agency on Allen Avenue to pay for six plots of land in Lekki EPZ zone. The sum ...

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When It Sucks To Be A Man

The Taxify driver was an Adonis – dark, lean muscled, well groomed. He smelled nice. He had an aristocratic mien that speaks of years in the embrace of authority. He was tempered and beautifully spoken. His phone kept ringing. He kept rejecting the call. I looked over at him. He ...

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Life Is A Game Of Thrones

Life is truly a game of thrones. The one who fights against you is actually fighting for himself. The one who fights for you is actually fighting for himself. It is all a game of control for personal benefit. Think deeper. The world is not black or white. It is ...

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Happy Birthday

“…BIRTHDAY!” “Huh?” I am slow to respond to the cheer of my colleague. Her name is Sarah and she is a member of the Human Resource department of the company I work for. So it isn’t a shock that she is the first to wish me well. “Happy birthday!” she ...

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