A few weeks ago, someone asked me, “Nkechi, what do you think about a 70 year old man having sex with or marrying a 25 year old woman?”
I responded, “Same thing I think about any adult marrying or having sex with another adult.”
When the issue of sex arises, there are two major questions for me.
1. Are they both adults over the age of consent?
2. Do they both have the mental capacity to consent?
If the answer is yes for both questions, then it’s fine.
Two days ago, I saw a link of a story about an older woman who was being paraded and disgraced with a younger man for having sex with the younger man. I didn’t open the link, because I thought it was just a misleading headline by bloggers.
But I got to learn that their only crime was having sex.
Since when did it become a crime to have sex?
If it were a 70 year old man having sex with 21 year old consenting woman, would that same community have deemed it okay to disgrace them?
This is not about age, but about the fact that the Nigerian society still wants to police the sexuality of women.
It’s about how the society see women.
“Don’t have sex till you get married, and at 60, you shouldn’t be thinking of sex anymore.”
Why is it okay for a 70 year old man to enjoy sex with a consenting adult woman, but not okay for a 70 year old woman to have sex with a consenting adult man? You humiliate two adults for having sex in the same country where dirty old men force their way into underage girls as young as 12.
Why, why, why would two consenting adults be humiliated for having sex?
Can women ever live normal lives in Nigeria?
Are you Nigerians trying to tell me that as a woman, I shouldn’t reserve the right to have sex forty-something years from now, even though I want to and have the mental capacity to consent? Why does anything that gives a woman long-term joy seem like a crime, taboo or sacrilege in Nigeria?
Nigerians drain me. You drain the will out of me. Like, I can’t even make sense out of this.
I’m interested in this case for some reasons.
1. I’m human.
2. I’m a woman.
3. And because at 80, I would want to reserve the right to have sex whenever the hell I want to.
As long as a person is old enough and has the capacity to consent, the right to have sex has NO AGE LIMIT.
Written by Nkechi Bianze