Introducing a new series penned by Chuky One’Pilla. This work of fiction is unique in that it is written entirely in Pidgin English. So, my people, if you know say you no be ajebo wey na only Queen’s English you sabi talk, follow us read wetin Chuky dey talk for down so. 🙂 (How did I do?)
If life dey fair, maybe e for no sweet. No wonda TVs wey dey report wahala and katakata dey sell wella. All dis tins dey make d world busy, as bad as e sound for ear, pipu still wan dey hear dem. Dat na d funny tin about dis world wen we dey.
Shaba don dey mad for years now. Nobody know wia she come from, but she don popular for d town. Even children wey neva grow teeth know her well-well. One kind fine woman like dat. Wetin go make dis kind fine woman dey craze, dat na wetin everybody dey ask for d town.
“Why e no b say na all dose ugly women come mad, e come b dis fine one,” na wetin Okoro wey them use woman swear for dey always talk. Okoro na drunkard, but nobody fit argue with am for dis yarn; because na wetin pipu dey ask demself.
Na one uncompleted building naim b Shaba house, no b say na she build am, but na dere she dey hide her head. Her property no many; in short, na craze property, so so rag. But one tin dey sure, Shaba no dey chop yeye food. Pipu for d town don make am duty to dey give her food; maybe na because say she fine.
Like most craze pipu, Shaba dirty anyhow, but e no cova her beauty. Sometimes, if e enta her head, Shaba dey dance fire. All dis show say she still be craze. Pipu talk am say dem no dey carry mad dog keep for house, if not, pesin for d town for don put Shaba for house.
But Mama Tasty don almost turn Mama Shaba finish. Shaba no dey finish for her restaurant, She no dey fail to give Shaba food. Even all her customers don know Shaba finish. Her buka dey sell well-well, na big oga dem dey come chop for dere.
She dey make enough money for d place, Mama Tasty get mouth for d town. She know pipu wey sabi for d town, most of d big big politicians dey come her buka come chop.
Abako na very peaceful town, some kind wahala dey happen sometimes, but if u look am well well, U go know say Abako na place wey man pikin fit hide e head. And na so dem like chop chop and to dey joli. No wonda Mama Tasty popular.
Beer parlour spread scata for d town. As e many reach, dem still dey open new ones every day. Na so all of dem dey play loud loud music, e dey b like party for evening. Life sweet well well for Abako.
One funny tin for Abako b say, as beer parlour and joli many, na so church take full ground. Dia women dey near God finish. D way wey dem carry d mata for head, some fit don see God. Dat na Abako for u, wia everybody go like to stay.
But strange tins come dey happen for Abako town, tins wey no dey hapun before. Weda na world wan end abi na because say election don dey come, nobody fit know. But this no b d first time wey election dey come, and dis kind tins wey dey hapun neva happen before.
The first tin b say, NEPA no take light for like one week. Pa Mali go b 89 years tomorrow, light neva last two days for Abako town since wey dem born am.
Rita wey dey fry Akara for Wahala Junction wake up one day to come see pesin head for her Akara spot. She neva fit fry akara for like one week now because koti dey raid anybody wen dem see for d junction. Even pipu pikin just dey lost anyhow dis past few days.
The one wey really touch pipu well well na Shaba. Pipu don dey complain and notice say Shaba no dey sharp again, she no dey fit dance again. In fact na manage she dey take come collect chop for Mama Tasty buka, even Mama Tasty notice am. For over a week, dem no see Shaba for anywhere.
Na one day naim Shaba come finally come out to come collect chop from her normal spot. Na dere Abako pipu see wetin dem neva see before. Shaba face don swell, her nose don wide pass before. Wetin show pass b say her belle don big.
The whole town shake dat day. Who b d useless man wey konji wan kill wey e b say na mad woman e come see. Na so pipu dey curse d man, especially women. E really pain dem dat day.
“Men no go eva change! Who be d useless man wey say na Shaba e see to give belle!” Mama Tasty just dey spark. She even cry sef as d tin take pain am. “We must find dat useless man! Except my God dey sleep.”
Written by Chuky One’Pilla